Four Words
by Lynne Stringer
Summary: "He's at the funeral." When Edward heard these words his life fell to pieces. This story covers his journey to Volterra and his request for the Volturi to kill him, right up to his return to Forks and his conversation with Bella after the Cullens vote on whether or not she should become a vampire.
1. Chapter 1

_He's at the funeral …_

They were just four little words. Who would have thought that four words could ever be so destructive? In that one short phrase everything had changed for me, and what little meaning had remained in my life had now been extinguished.

But it took a few seconds for the full implication of those four words to sink in.

Rosalie had called me. She had told me that Bella was dead. I had thought, or maybe hoped was a better word, that she had been playing some kind of cruel trick. If I had cared enough about anything at the moment, I probably would have paused to hate her for that.

I had called Bella's home with a desperate need to hear her voice, or Charlie's – anyone's who could contradict that lie – but in four words a man, someone I didn't know, had confirmed my fears.

"_This is Dr Carlisle Cullen, can I speak to Charlie, please?"_

"_He's not here,"_ replied the gruff human voice.

"_Well, where is he, then?"_

"_He's at the funeral."_

I couldn't even remember turning the phone off. It hung now, in my limp hand.

Since I had become a vampire I had forgotten what it was like to feel pain, apart from the burn in my throat I experienced when I was thirsty. That had changed the moment I had left Bella's side seven months ago, running from her, after telling her the vicious lie that I didn't want her anymore.

Leaving her had hurt me more than anything, more than realizing she believed what I had told her. She had not doubted for a second that I didn't want her, accepting it without a fight. I still didn't understand how she could have done so. Even as I had run from her then, every cell in my body had been ordering me to return, if only to find out why she could possibly believe that I didn't want her, when every word I had spoken, every look, every gesture I had given while we were together had told a different story.

But I had forced myself to run on – to take myself away from her. To keep one foot in front of the other in the opposite direction to Forks. The only call I had made was to Alice. I knew that she would see what I had done and would be furious. There would be no stopping her going to Bella, and I couldn't have that – there would be no more vampires in her life – and so I forbade it. She didn't agree with me; in fact, it was clear from the outset that she was sure I would give in. But I was determined to prove her wrong.

I told her to tell the others I wouldn't be seeing them for a while. I didn't want to see anybody. I didn't want to go through the pretense of trying to behave like a human, trying to blend into the world, trying to be something I was not. What was the point anymore?

So I had lived alone – if you could call it that – for seven months. I had rarely hunted. It was only a reminder of the hideous monster that I was, and I didn't want to be reminded of what had disqualified me from a life at Bella's side. I had roamed about, hardly noticing my surroundings, driven only by an insatiable desire to destroy Victoria, the vampire who had conspired to kill the woman I loved.

Every moment of that time I had lived in constant pain. Not physical pain; I barely even noticed the burn in my throat from lack of hunting. No, my pain had been internal, nothing but the constant shrieking, desperate desire to be with Bella again. I lived every moment in tortuous agony, my frozen heart non-existent within me; a gaping hole that had left a wound that would never heal.

Day by day, moment by moment, I was assaulted by the craving to return to Forks and be by Bella's side once more, or at least see her. Watch her from the forest. I had determined that I would do it one day – probably check in on her every few years to make sure she was safe – always aware that, the moment she stopped breathing, I would follow her to the grave.

That moment had come sooner than I had anticipated.

My phone rang again. I didn't need to look at the caller I.D. to know who it was. It was Alice. She had already seen the plan in my mind, the plan I hadn't even needed to think about. She had seen it last year, too, when I had almost lost Bella and had struck on the only course of action open to me if she ceased to exist. There was nothing else I could do. Even revenge on Victoria had ceased to mean anything. I couldn't stay in this world a moment longer.

I wriggled out of my hiding place in a tenement building somewhere in Rio. I hadn't even bothered to notice where. Now I wanted to know, and searched my memories to figure out where I was. I had to find the quickest route to the airport. I had to book a flight to Italy.

My phone continued to ring, and I ignored it. Once I had scaled down the side of the building to the alley below I threw it into the nearest trash can. I didn't need it anymore, and I knew Alice wouldn't stop calling.

Night had fallen, fortunately. It would have been difficult for me to make it to the airport in the daylight, as there had been bright sunshine for days. I hadn't noticed the perpetual darkness of night in my travels, as I had continued my dogged and fruitless search for Victoria. My life was always dark these days. What did one more night matter?

But now, the night seemed unendingly dark. It crushed me. The one light that made my world bright had been extinguished.

Questions tormented me. Why would Bella throw herself of a cliff? Wasn't she happy? She had to be! I wasn't in her life! The one evil in her existence had been removed. I had left her so that she could be happy, and have a normal, happy human life with whomever she chose. The life that she deserved. Had she broken up with someone? Had someone hurt her?

For a moment I was filled with rage and wondered if I should hunt him down. But I knew that if I returned to Forks there was a good chance some members of my family, whom I'm sure Alice had alerted to my plan, might catch up to me. Although I knew it wouldn't make any difference – they couldn't hold me captive forever, even with Alice keeping watch – I didn't want any delay to the end that I craved so desperately.

But _why_?

I scaled another building and began to leap from building to building, trying to travel as quickly as possible. Nothing was going to sway me from my purpose. No one would stop me from booking that flight. I kept my speed up so no human would see me, and only slowed when I came close to my goal.

Once I reached the airport I moved into the flow of human traffic and slowed my pace. It was maddening to have to go at this speed; I wanted this over and done with. I ignored the thoughts that bounced around me – all meaningless drivel, irrelevant when compared with my purpose – and kept my mind focused on my destination.

It wasn't long before I was waiting in line to book my flight. It was difficult to be patient. Eventually, it was my turn.

"Yes sir?" the young woman at the counter said in broken English. She had assumed, by my appearance, that I was not a local, so was trying to use her insufficient English, as she had been instructed by her employer.

"I'd like to book the first available flight to Italy, please," I replied in Portuguese. I wasn't going to wait for her to translate the questions into her second language. It might delay me by minutes.

"Certainly, sir." She was relieved that she didn't have to keep up the pretense of speaking in English. _I need to keep this job_, she thought.

I was happy to make it easy for her, if it meant she made it easy for me.

The earliest flight available to Florence would still take twenty-four hours to complete. _Another day to wait …_ Never mind. After that, I knew things would move much quicker. It was only fifty or so miles from Florence to Volterra. I would drive that in about ten minutes, especially if I could avoid traffic, although I was scheduled to arrive in Florence early in the afternoon, so the roads would probably be busy, and I would need to avoid the sunlight …

While I waited for my flight, I busied myself with preparations. I bought a long jacket and gloves, sunglasses and a hat. They would help shield me from the sun coming through the window of the car in Florence. After all, I couldn't be sure if I would be able to get a hire car with sufficient tinting to keep all the sun out. It was best to take precautions. I also phoned ahead to book my hire car, so that it would be ready for me as soon as I landed.

I then sat in the departure terminal, trying to block out the meaningless chatter in the minds around me. I was sitting next to a woman who most men would consider attractive. She had nothing on Bella. She wasn't even brunette, and her eyes were blue.

She was trying to get up the courage to talk to me. I made my face as fierce as possible to try and discourage her. The honest truth was, if she tried to talk to me, especially considering what was running through her mind at the moment, I might lose control and kill her just for daring to think those things. The thoughts she was having, thoughts of me in her bed, turned my stomach. I couldn't even gain consolation from imagining she was Bella.

_Why?_

Eventually, I moved to hide myself in a quiet corner of the airport. The thoughts of some of these humans was making their lives precarious, and I was on edge. It was still another hour before my flight departed.

The hour crawled along. I was in a hurry to have it over – along with every other brief hour left in my all-too-long life. I would not put up with this existence for much longer. My love had left this world, and my final departure would not be far behind hers.


	2. Chapter 2

Finally, the hour passed, and I was seated on the plane. I immediately settled back and pretended to go to sleep so no one would bother me. I had thought that my unrelenting scowl would discourage any conversation, but I had the misfortune to be seated next to a woman who found me attractive in spite of the look on my face.

_Mmm, he's hot,_ she mused. _Even when he looks so … dangerous. That's kind of a turn on. I wonder if … _

I turned away from her, hoping she would take the hint. She fantasized for a while, but the man on the other side of her proved to be more responsive to her charms, and she eventually lost interest in me, lucky for her.

Settling back in the plane, with twenty-plus hours of flying in front of me, gave me nothing but time to think. And I didn't want that.

The question still rang in my head, unanswered. Why? Why had Bella killed herself? Why would she even think of doing something like that? Was it suicide? Maybe Rosalie had been mistaken, and she had tripped and fell. That would not be out of character for her.

But Rosalie had said Bella had thrown herself of the cliff. That didn't imply it was an accident, but a deliberate act.

I could see her before me, her heart-shaped features twisted in anguish, her beautiful brown hair rustled by the wind, her eyes filled with despair, launching herself over the edge of the cliff and plummeting into the water below …

What could have caused it? It was clear from what Rosalie had said that Charlie was okay. Had she had a fight with him? Or, as I had thought earlier, had someone broken her heart? I couldn't imagine Bella would want to kill herself over something like that. Even when I had left her, I had known that she would grieve over my loss for a while. Of course she would. She had loved me. Grieving for a lost love was a human thing to do. But she would have recovered within a few weeks, or a couple of months at the most, and gone on with her life. So she should know that she could get over this kind of thing. Why kill herself?

Suddenly an agonizing thought occurred to me. _Had_ she gotten over me? Was I the reason she had done this? Could it be possible that, for every second I was in agony since leaving her side, she had been experiencing the same thing?

No, I couldn't believe that. I was a vampire. I was an unchanging creature, carved in stone. My feelings for her were cemented into the deepest core of my being. She was human, and a teenager, at that. How many teenage minds had I heard? I knew that their feelings, although they might be extreme, were usually quickly overcome. I had known that Bella was more constant than most, but she was still human: a creature who could grow and change, and recover from loss. And she was so responsible. No matter what pain she was in, I couldn't imagine that she would cause Charlie more pain by ending her own life.

But she had.

It was difficult to keep up the charade of playing human. I tried to remember to fidget every so often, so the humans wouldn't think I was something other than one of them, although I wondered why I was bothering to keep it up. Did it matter if I was discovered, when I was planning to have my life end so soon? But I knew it could cause trouble for others of our kind, particularly my family, if I was too obvious in a place like this. Better to wait and hope that Aro would be obliging and end my life himself. It would be quicker that way.

I thought of what I knew about the Volturi. I had gleaned a good deal from Carlisle's memories of them. Aro was their leader, and Carlisle had genuinely liked him, although he had been wary of him. Aro was cunning, and his favor could turn to antipathy in a second. He liked only what amused him and what he found useful. He had been fascinated by Carlisle's resolve never to harm a human, and had tried regularly to tempt him to break his commitment to abstinence. He had even had one of his minions deliver a profusely bleeding body to Carlisle's office at one stage, just to see what he would do.

I had seen that event in Carlisle's memory. I still didn't know how the vampire who'd taken him to Carlisle had managed to carry out his mission without draining the human himself. Carlisle, although tempted by the blood, had stopped breathing and run from the room before he could do anything.

The other vampires around were not so controlled, of course. By the time Carlisle returned one of the others had begged Aro's permission to drain the corpse before the blood became too cool, and Carlisle, who had hunted to make sure he was as sated as possible (he wasn't quite as controlled back then as he was now), cleaned up the remaining blood, and tried to look amused when Aro laughed it off with him.

Caius was the second of the three who ruled our world. He was far more open about his sadism than Aro. Carlisle had been pleasant and courteous to Caius, but had never liked him. He had frequently been absent during Carlisle's tenure with the Volturi, as several hunting parties were active during this time, controlling insurrection in the vampire world, and he would go to witness the destruction of some groups merely for the pleasure of seeing them die. I knew that Caius was the most likely to enjoy my death, and would probably be my best ally in securing it.

Marcus was the third member of the Volturi, and I had no idea how he would view my request. I felt sure he would empathize; after all, he had lost his own love long ago, and Carlisle had seen how miserable he was without her. Carlisle hadn't understood why he hadn't tried suicide himself – he seemed to have no desire to live – but perhaps the urge for power overrode the desire for death. I wouldn't know unless I had the opportunity to hear his thoughts, although I didn't intend to spend too long puzzling over it. I wanted to be dead before then.

Aro's and Caius' wives were not likely to have any input into the decision over my death – I might not even get to see them – so I did not waste much time thinking about them. They were devoted to their husbands, Carlisle had noticed, and that was all. Of the members of the guard, Carlisle had only met a few, as the majority – the powerful twins Jane and Alec amongst them – had been out for his three decades with the Volturi, slaughtering covens who were using their newborn armies indiscreetly. Of course, Carlisle had heard what Jane and Alec could do, so there would be no surprises for me there: Jane could burn people where they stood and Alec could take all their senses away. Most of the others in the guard did not have talents that interested me a great deal, although I hoped their general bloodthirstiness and the enjoyment I was sure they felt in their work – especially when it came to killing others of their kind – would mean they sided with me.

Not that it would make any difference what members of the guard thought. Aro, Caius and Marcus would decide my fate – and, ultimately, it would probably only be Aro's decision. I tried to think of what I could do to turn him against me so that he would accede to my request. But, maybe that wouldn't be necessary. He might kill me if I asked nicely.

Finally, the plane landed in Florence. I wasted no time in making my way to my hire car, and before long I was racing along the roads towards Volterra. I took care to keep track of any law enforcement around that might crack down on my speeding. I didn't want to be delayed by any mortals today.

As I drove, my thoughts were with Bella, and I cringed as I thought of the pain she must have been in. But surely not. Rosalie must have been mistaken! She couldn't have killed herself intentionally. It had to have been an accident.

But the more I thought about it, the more I could only conclude that, if it had been suicide, I was the reason for it. The guilt that filled me upon this realization was insurmountable. I still found it hard to believe that I was the reason she had done it, but could she have really have formed another attachment in seven months that would have driven her to suicide? Could there be anyone but me that was, ultimately, responsible for her death?

There it was again – the thing that had always been my deepest fear. The belief that my presence in her life would cause her death. And it seemed that it had been the cause. Even removing myself had not been enough to protect her from me. My evil presence haunted her no matter how far from her I fled. There was no other conclusion I could reach. Bella was dead because of me. The memory of the monster had been enough to do the job.


	3. Chapter 3

I suppose it didn't take long to get to Volterra, but it felt like forever to me. Finally, I drove into the city limits. My coat had shielded me from the sun whilst I had been in the car, but I knew I would have to be careful when I left it. Of course, angering the Volturi at this point might benefit my cause more than appeasing them, but that might make Aro irritated with Carlisle. It was best, I decided, to be civil at first. If I could get them to accede to my request, then I would part this world with us all good friends. I would not anger them unless it became impossible for me to achieve my goal any other way.

I parked my car in a wide patch of shade. It was illegally parked, but who cared? I wouldn't be using it again. I had given the rental company a sizable tip to assuage any problems caused by laws I broke with the vehicle, so hopefully that would cover the fine and transporting it back to wherever they needed it to go.

Volterra was a city with a great deal of light, and there was still plenty around, so I busied myself hiding in the shade and stretching out with my mind to see if I could detect the thoughts of any vampires close by.

I didn't bother to scan the thoughts of those in the nearby square – no vampire would be there at this time on a sunny day – so I concentrated on the shadows. I knew from Carlisle's memories where the Volturi kept their dwelling, although I was sure some of it had been modernized to keep up their public facade. I turned to the shadows around their building and, sure enough, it wasn't long before I stumbled upon someone different.

_Mmm, he smells good_, the mind thought. _It's a pity I can't do anything about it now. Damn. Oh well, at least Heidi will be back presently._

No doubt that was a vampire. I was aware of Heidi and her function amongst the guard. She must be soon to return from a fishing expedition. Her role in the guard was to bring back human victims to satisfy the Volturi's thirst, as hunting was not allowed inside the city walls.

I tried not to scowl at the thought. These vampires wouldn't think of living any other way. Killing humans was second nature to them.

I began to head towards the vampire whose thoughts I had detected. He was a tracker, I saw, as he flashed through some of his memories. Quite a skilled one, at that. I couldn't tell his name, but it wasn't long before he exited the street via a sinkhole in a gutter. It led straight to the Volturi's lair.

I thought about following him, but those entryways were generally for use of the Volturi guard and others who had appointments with them. If I wanted to make a favorable impression, I would probably have to go through whatever human was working for them in their public face. I did not want to appear in their lair unannounced. That would be considered rude, I was sure.

I scanned the thoughts inside all the buildings around the castle where the Volturi held court. Sure enough, it wasn't long before I found a human who was fully aware of all the goings on in Volterra. She was working as a receptionist in a building not far from me. I knew I would need to go through her to reach them.

As I approached the building I noticed that, although the middle of the street was filled with sunlight, there were large stretches of shade on one side. Looking up, I noticed that it was likely there would be sufficient shade to walk this street at any time of the day without stepping into the sunlight. How convenient. There was no doubt in my mind that it had been arranged for the use of visitors like myself.

Once inside the lobby of the building, I proceeded past the humans there and straight to the elevators. These humans, while working for the business that the Volturi ran here, were not aware of the true nature of their employers, so they were of no use to me. The woman I was looking for was two floors up.

Once I had exited the elevators, a quick walk down a corridor led me to a bright reception area. It looked harmless and ordinary – pretty much the same as any other such area in thousands of buildings around the world – but it was just a front, I knew. The only giveaway was the set of wooden double doors at the back of the room. The Volturi were behind them. I could hear them easily.

I approached the desk too quietly for the woman behind the desk to hear me. She jumped when I tried to get her attention, but her surprise quickly turned into a smile of welcome. She looked me up and down, but was so used to vampires that the only thing that seemed to bother her was that I was unexpected and unknown.

_Hm, he's … not familiar. I don't think he has an appointment._ She addressed me in a professional manner. "Good afternoon, sir. How may I help you?"

"Yes, I was wondering if it would be possible to see Aro today."

She frowned at me. "He's not expecting anyone …"

"No." I tried to sound apologetic, but it was difficult to keep up the pretense. I already hated this woman. "I was in the area, and wanted to pay my respects on behalf of my creator, Carlisle. Aro knows him quite well. My name is Edward Cullen."

She nodded, and rose from the desk. "I'll just check, if you'd like to take a seat?"

I plastered a smile on my face, trying to remind myself that I had to be congenial if I was going to get my way. I knew her offer of a seat was only a token way of dismissing me; she knew I didn't need to sit down. She walked over to the set of double doors, opened them, and closed them behind her.

I wanted to tell her she was a fool for accepting this job. The very sight of her made me furious. As she had looked at me, and realized I was handsome, in her estimation, she had wondered if I was "available" and the memory of how she had come to work for the Volturi had started running through her mind. She had been duped into working for them because of what she hoped to get out of it. In spite of the danger to her – and she knew it was real – she wanted power. She wanted to be as beautiful as we were, like that senseless beauty was worth anything. That had been what had attracted her initially; the sight of a beautiful vampire. Then, when she had shown interest in that vampire, and had discovered about the strength and abilities, not to mention the immortality … There were people in her past that she felt had wronged her. She wanted revenge. Even if they never knew about it, she wanted to feel that she was better than them.

So she played her game of roulette with the Volturi, watching dozens of humans file into their castle and die every fortnight or so, and hoping that it wouldn't be that way for her. Even now, I could see in the minds of the Volturi as they watched her, that her fate had already been decided. Aro, while listening to the news of my arrival with interest, was already lining up a replacement for her. Someone with more promise. And one of the guard, Felix, a vampire much of the size and strength of Emmett, had been promised her. He had performed well for them recently, and she was his reward. She smelled quite appealing to him. But they needed her for a few more months, so he was waiting with impatience for his little treat.

It sickened me, but I turned my thoughts away from all this and back to the only thing that mattered. Perhaps it would amuse Felix to kill me. Maybe Aro would decide that my death would be a suitable reward for him.

Aro was fascinated as the human – Gianna – told him of my connection to Carlisle. He was watching me on the closed circuit TV they had of the reception area. However, the image was not good enough to reveal my eye color, which was mildly frustrating for him. He was intrigued to know not only if Carlisle had continued his commitment to abstinence, but whether a vampire created by him would have followed his vision as well. Not that my eye color would have told him much at the moment anyway; my eyes were black as pitch.

He was also intrigued by the look on my face. In spite of my best efforts, I was unable to keep a neutral expression. In fact, the severity of my scowl intrigued Aro more than my parentage. He was wondering if something had happened to Carlisle that I blamed him for.

_I wonder if he is talented_. He was thinking to himself. _It's such a shame I don't have Eleazar anymore. I had heard from a nomad that Carlisle had been encountered with a coven of talented vampires. Could he be one of them? _

His intrigue won over in the end. He was not concerned about any attempt I might make on his life, even with the scowl so prevalent on my face. All the guard was in attendance at the moment, and he knew that it would be the work of a moment to end my life. Of course, he didn't realize that was exactly what I wanted. Maybe I should play up the threat.

No. I would not sully Carlisle's name by doing that if it could possibly be avoided.

He told his brothers with glee about the visit they were about to have. Caius was sour at the mention of Carlisle. _A milk sop of a vampire if there ever was one_, he thought dismissively. _I don't expect much from his progeny_.

Marcus hardly reacted to the news of my presence. His mind was filled with little more than memories of his lost lover. The misery in his thoughts was so overwhelming that I felt a kinship with him. He knew what it was to suffer like this. He alone, of the members of this unsympathetic crowd, would understand my desire for death. He wanted nothing more for himself. I tried to get an idea of why he hadn't killed himself, but every time the thought of it occurred – and it occurred regularly – it was shunted away somehow. I did not understand the reason for this, but I didn't expect I would live long enough to learn it.

By this time Gianna had returned, followed by Felix, the large vampire, and the tracker whose mind I had first encountered, who was now identified as Demetri. He was much smaller when compared with Felix's hulking form, but there was an air of refinement about him. It was he who addressed me. "Edward, is it?"

I nodded.

"Aro has granted you an audience, if you will come with us."

I did not waste time with pleasantries or smiles, but followed as Demetri led. Felix positioned himself behind me, and I knew he had instructions to take me down if Aro signaled I was any sort of trouble. How easy it could be … but I would try and be patient. The end could not be far off, no matter how it occurred.

We passed through the ornate double doors at the end of an equally ornate hallway, up a set of spiral stairs, and on to their library, where Aro and his brothers, the guard, and the wives were passing the time.

The library was a huge circular room directly above the throne room, its thirty foot-high walls covered from floor to ceiling with shelf after shelf of books. Many of them I had seen in Carlisle's mind – he had spent much time here during his stay with the Volturi – and I could see many more had been added since then. There was also now a corner with several computer monitors set up. It was here that the wives sat, their guards around them. The rest of the guard watched me impassively from strategic points around the room.

I noticed Jane and Alec instantly. Carlisle had known their history, and that they had been changed relatively young. There was no mistaking the two small forms, both hidden in their cloaks, almost identical, apart from the sadistic gleam in the female's eye. I noticed that her eyes were a dark red, with black on the outer rim.

The eyes around me had quite a bit of black in them. I could only be glad that I had come prior to Heidi's arrival. I worried that Aro might tempt me to feed in his way once he knew my mind.

And I knew he would soon know my every thought. He was already preparing his mind for what he would encounter in mine, even as he welcomed me.

"An unexpected guest; how wonderful!" he informed me with a smile, arising from his seat and coming towards me with arms outstretched. "Edward, is it not?" When I nodded my consent he continued. "And you have come from my friend Carlisle? You are his creation?"

I nodded and tried to smile in gratitude for his greeting. I knew he expected it. But it was difficult to be civil with all I was reading in his mind, and the minds surrounding me.

_His eyes are black, that's a shame_. Aro was thinking. _How can I tell if he follows Carlisle completely or not? _

I didn't even know why Aro was bothering to feel disappointed when he knew the answer to his question was only a touch away, and he had every intention of using his ability to find out all about me and Carlisle.

Caius was watching me with a little more interest now. _I like his face_, he thought. _It's a face that speaks of violence_. His lips curled back as I directed a glare at him.

Marcus didn't even look at me. _Didyme …_ was his only thought.

The guard were watching me with interest as well, wondering if I had gifts that would rival theirs.

_He doesn't look exceptional in any way_, Jane thought, raising her eyebrows.

_Isn't Carlisle the one who abstained from human blood?_ thought Alex. _How quaint. _

_He looks like he might fight_, Felix mused with pleasure.

_I wonder why he comes to Aro at all if he comes with such a scowl_, thought Renata, Aro's personal guard. She had a deflective capability which she used to defend Aro. She took my look as a personal affront to her master. She was ready to deflect me if I became a problem.

I sighed and tried to find a way to make my expression less threatening, but it was difficult. There was no reason for me to smile and be pleasant. I had no desire to be either of those things. But I knew I needed to return Aro's greeting properly. His minions were growing restless.

"Yes, Carlisle sends his best wishes," I said. I felt safe saying that, as Carlisle did speak fondly of Aro, and I knew that he always wished the best for him.

Aro sensed that there was more. He cocked his head to one side in interest. "But you are not here for a social visit? There is another reason?" He was itching to take my hand and find out all the details directly. I had no problem with that. It would be easier than telling him everything myself.

However, I wanted to get to the point straight away. "I am here because I want you to kill me."

There was a low gasp from the surrounding vampires, and, for the first time, I caught Marcus' attention. _He wants to die?_ he thought, his mind filled with envy.

The other thoughts were incredulous, and Aro's curiosity was at its height.

_Why on earth …? _"Why would a young and vibrant vampire like yourself possibly consider suicide?"

I didn't waste any more time with pleasantries. I simply held out my hand.

Aro needed no further invitation than that. He assumed that Carlisle had told me about his ability, and was delighted. However, his delight turned to fascination as he looked in my mind.

Every thought I had ever had was now his. Every thought I had heard others think was his now as well. The thoughts of Carlisle and Esme, all my brothers and sisters, the thoughts of their love for each other, their struggles and their desires. His eyes gleamed as he encountered Alice and her visions. He watched each one carefully, marveling in her skill.

I felt a little uneasy. I didn't like the way he was viewing Alice. Almost as an acquisition to be made. But he noticed his thought as soon as it passed through my head, and put thoughts of her away, moving on to everything else.

He covered my years of rebellion against Carlisle. He found those interesting, and was surprised at my resulting depression, which had led me back to Carlisle and Esme. It was funny to him, that I would do such a thing. I tried to rein in my anger.

He went through all my years at different schools, all the thoughts of the many humans I had encountered, before finally, he came to the reason we were here.

Bella.

From the first moment he resurrected the memories I had of her, I cringed in pain. She was never out of my mind anyway, but seeing him running through all of them, and experiencing his reaction to her made it fresh and, at times, extremely dangerous for him, especially when he came to my first encounter with her scent. He started salivating immediately.

_Amazing! Extraordinary!_ He declared in his head. _How could you resist that?_

He didn't bother saying it aloud. He was already accustomed to the fact that he didn't need to.

I gritted my teeth and tried not to snarl at his reaction. Fortunately, he noticed _my_ reaction, and moved on.

But it didn't get any better after that. His reaction to my feelings for Bella was met with surprise and amusement. The fact that I had fallen in love with her seemed inexplicable to him. However, he was impressed that I had sucked James' venom out of her body and left her alive. He shook his head, unable to believe that I had bothered to stop.

Now I tried to stop myself from ripping his head off.

The guard around me were getting restless by this time, as Aro's reading of me was taking longer than it ever had with anyone else, and they were watching my darkening face with growing hostility. Aro noticed their thoughts in my head and turned to them for a moment, waving at them to be still.

He chuckled to himself at my qualms about changing Bella. He found my desire to save her soul romantic. _Ah, Edward, what a delight you are!_ He thought. _That all my company should be so chivalrous._ Again, it was hard not to kill him.

Then we came to the reason we were here. Bella's death. He strolled through the memories of the agonizing moment I found out she was gone, the pit of pain it had thrown me into, and my resulting single minded determination to end that pain. He sighed with sorrow, as if he had reached the climax of a movie and was disappointed to find that it did not have the happy ending he had hoped for.

"There is no point in my staying here now," I told him, anxious to get him out of my mind before I did something that would reflect badly on Carlisle.

But Aro was reluctant to let go of my hand. After all, it gave him direct access to what everyone around us was thinking, too. "Dear, dear," he tutted. "Must you give up your life for such a reason? I'm sure Carlisle and Esme will be so distressed that you are here."

"Perhaps," I spat, "but it is my life to give up, if I choose to do so."

Caius had, by this time, grown impatient with not knowing the details of my desire for death. Although he certainly wasn't averse to killing me – far from it – the idea that a vampire would voluntarily give up his immortality astounded him. "May we all know the reason this vampire has decided to end it all?"

"Ah, it is a tragic love story," Aro explained, with a quick look at Marcus. I saw something flash through his mind, but it he quelled it before he could even think it fully. All it told me was that Marcus' lost love had been his own sister. "This vampire had the misfortune to fall in love, and he has lost that love."

Marcus looked up at me with interest. "Would he not avenge her first?" he asked. _ I would do it. I would take a life if I knew whose to take … _My request had awoken an old desire in him.

"Sadly, he cannot," Aro informed them, his face a mask of tragedy. "For she had taken her own life." They gave him a questioning glance at this, so he continued, "You see, this vampire you see before you, had the misfortune to fall in love with a human."

That caught everyone's attention, but it was not unheard of for such a thing to happen. They had all encountered it in others before. Caius was the one who asked the question on all of their minds. "Then why did he not change her?"

"Edward doesn't believe life as one of us is good enough for any human," Aro informed them, finally releasing my hand and turning to Caius. "He would not allow her to give up her soul to join him in immortality. So he left her to her human life, and she took it into her own hands and ended it."

I tried not to react at Aro's brutal rendering of my story, and their response to it. Most of them laughed, and those who didn't laugh out loud laughed in their minds. They thought I was a fool. Even Marcus had little time for me now. He held me accountable for Bella's loss. _If he had acted when he should have,_ he thought. _ He would still have her. Not like my Didyme …_

They were all thinking the same thing. It was my own fault I had lost my love. Of course she was going to die. She was just a human, and I had left her that way.

I could feel my rage building at their assessment, and I began to throw away my civil pretense. "Since you all think I'm a fool," I growled, "it should not cause you any trouble to accede to my request."

"Yes, I don't doubt they all _think_ that way, Edward," Aro conceded, trying to indicate my gift to those who surrounded him, "but someone of your talents should not be thrown away, surely."

"Someone talented would surely not be so stupid as to fall in love with a human and leave her that way," Caius pointed out. _What a ridiculous course of action! Did he think she would just go on living? All this fuss over a pathetic human!_

"Ah, my brother, but Edward is very talented," Aro went on. "Edward, can you tell me what my brother just thought about you? I know it was something you did not like. I could tell by your face."

That caught the others' attention. Since mention that I was talented, they had been trying to guess what my talent was. Now Aro had directed them. He was enjoying giving them clues, like trying to solve a murder mystery.

I was bored with Aro's game, so I brought it to an end. "His thoughts were just the same as everyone else's in this room," I spat. "They all think I'm a fool."

The guards and Volturi alike looked around at each other, and back at Aro.

"You see, my dear friends!" said Aro, clapping his hands together in delight. "Our Edward is a mind reader! And much more skilled than I myself. Although it's true that he cannot hear everything you have ever thought, as I can, he can hear everything that passes through your head from where you stand. No touch required." Aro looked at me with envy.

The others were looking at me now too, with expressions and thoughts that ranged from admiration to envy, although most were closer to the latter.

_A mind reader without touch. Fascinating. Does he hear everyone all the time, I wonder? What would that be like?_

_Huh. How irritating that would be. There would never be any peace inside his head._

_Does he hear me now? Maybe if I yell. HEY!_

I tried not to flinch at the mental screeching that was accompanying the pronouncement of my gift, but it was hard, and my face darkened even further.

"Yes, my friends," Aro continued, his arms spread wide, his face delighted, "our Edward can hear all that is passing through your head at this moment. With no exception. At least, there was no exception, but one."

Aro loved an audience. He was recapturing everyone's attention so that he could have the joy of telling them all about me. I ground my teeth in frustration.

"Yes, my friends," Aro told them with sorrow, "the very human he has lost, the love of his existence, possessed the only mind he has discovered that he could not read. How fascinating."

And Aro was fascinated. I could see it in his mind. He was running through all my memories of Bella, looking at her from every angle, as if my memories held the key to the secret of her silence.

I tensed once more. Didn't he think that, if the explanation for Bella's silence was so easily discovered, I would have stumbled upon it before now? And all this sideshow was distracting us from the real reason I was here.

But Aro had not finished his story. Now that his audience was busy puzzling along with him about why Bella's mind had been silent to me, he sought their attention once more.

"It was a wonder she lived long enough for you to discover the anomaly," he said. "_La tua cantante_!"

All the vampires started at that. Caius gave Aro a disgusted look. "Brother, do you mean to say that this human girl was this vampire's _singer_? And he let her live?" His estimation of me sunk still further.

I tried to stop the growl from leaving my throat, although I wondered if I should bother. Perhaps it would mean a swifter death for me. It seemed that politeness was taking too long.

Caius heard my growl, as did the guard, and they began to move forward at his signal, but Aro, waved them back.

"Peace, dear friends," he said. "There is no need to be hasty. Edward has come here to die, so I daresay he will not put up much of a fight."

"Let us oblige him, then," Caius snarled. _This vampire has forfeited every right to life with his pathetic, disgusting abuse of everything that is significant about us._

But that was not what Aro wanted, I could see that. To my frustration, I realized that Aro wanted to spare me. He was hoping I would join the Volturi.

_Someone who can read minds from afar,_ he sighed. _No touch required. While it's true I would not find out all this way, it would be a help with those who refuse to allow access to their minds. With Edward, I could find out without their permission._ He smiled.

"My dear brother," Aro said mildly to Caius. "I believe there is too much at stake here for a hasty decision –"

"There is no decision to be made," I declared flatly. I did not intend to wait around for discussion. "I _will_ die today, whether you agree to it or not."

The guard again stepped forward, and I wondered if I shouldn't rage and threaten violence. It would be quicker.

"Now, now, dear Edward," Aro chided me. "We must discuss this in a proper way, to be sure that it is the best course of action. If we," he indicated the two others on the throne, "decree that you should die, then we will be more than happy to oblige you. However, we cannot make any decision with haste and without due thought."

There was a mild threat to Aro's tone. I could see it in his mind. By forcing his hand at this moment, I risked making him seem less than the absolute ruler he was. He would not tolerate that. Again, I thought of Carlisle.

"Very well," I sighed, wondering how long I would have to wait before I knew the outcome.

"Thank you, dear Edward," Aro said, waving Felix forward to guide me out. "Please wait in the reception area. I know how impatient you are for the outcome, so I promise we will not keep you waiting long." He smiled warmly at me.

I scowled at him, but made no reply. I would be patient for the moment, but if the Volturi did not accede to my request, I would not even let thought of Carlisle's reputation prevent me from gaining the outcome I desired.


	4. Chapter 4

I was taken back out to the saccharine reception area, where Felix left me with the smile that was a partial snarl.

_He wouldn't be much competition,_ he was thinking as he walked away. _Although it looks like he wouldn't want to put up much of a fight, anyway._

Felix was guessing the likely outcome. He had seen, as had every other member of the guard, that I would not be thwarted from obtaining what I wanted. It was Aro who was being stubborn, Aro, who never let himself be thwarted in anything.

The most frustrating thing about my wait was that I could listen in on every word and thought between the Volturi as they discussed my request. Aro was reluctant to kill me. Marcus was undecided; part of him wanted to give me what I wanted, because he understood the reason for it, and part of it wanted to withhold it because it was something he was unable to achieve. And Caius was happy to see anyone die, especially a vampire who "wasted" his affection on a mere human.

But Aro found something else more wasteful, and that was my talent. Even though I could give him little more than he already had, he was reluctant to let it go, even as Caius expressed his willingness to be obliging.

"Brother, I must object," Aro told him when he touched Caius' hand and saw what he was thinking. "Surely you must see the potential in young Edward." _The difficulty only lies in making him see things my way …_

"Forgive me if I fail to see that potential," Caius responded sourly. "You can already read minds quite adequately yourself." _Can't Aro see the boy will be unmoving? And he's a disgrace to us!_

"Yes, but not so conveniently," Aro replied with sorrow. "And how could I disappoint my dear friend Carlisle by taking his life away?"

I gritted my teeth. I didn't know why Aro had even bothered to say that. Caius was sure that Carlisle's feelings were not Aro's primary concern, and, although I was sure Aro knew I was listening in, I also knew what was in Aro's mind, and it was not thoughts of Carlisle's disappointment. Who was he trying to impress? Maybe the desire to deceive was so ingrained in him it had become a reflex.

At Aro's request, Marcus held out his hand to give his opinion. He was thinking similarly to Caius. _The boy will not be moved_, he thought. _It seems pointless to try and dissuade him._

Aro nodded, mentally wincing at the memory of his sister, the lover that Marcus grieved so desperately.

But the final decision was still Aro's. "My brothers," he told them chidingly. "I cannot agree to kill Edward. It would be wasteful, to see his talent thrown away like that, when he is such a capable and earnest young man. He would do great credit to the guard."

"Aro, how can you possibly believe that he would be willing to accept your offer?" Caius spat. "You don't have to be a mind reader to see how stubborn the boy is!"

"Nevertheless, I intend to give him a chance," Aro decided. "I will not destroy such a promising talent."

I narrowly avoided taking out the chair I was standing next to in the waiting room. Aro's words and thoughts filled me with rage and despair. There would be no easy way out for me. I would not be able to keep respecting Carlisle _and_ get what I wanted. But there was no chance in hell I was spending another twenty-four hours on this planet when Bella was already gone.

Felix summoned me back a short while later. I could barely stand following him to the library, where the Volturi and their minions sat around, keeping court and dispensing their will on their helpless subjects.

Everyone in the room knew the moment they saw my face that there would be trouble. I was trying to decide if I should just attack Felix, or perhaps Aro himself, but I decided to give persuasion another try. Perhaps when Aro realized that I didn't give a damn about joining his precious guard he would give in.

The guard tensed at the sight of my glare, and all their thoughts were wary. Only Aro, while noticing how much I was scowling, maintained any pretense of civility.

"Ah, Edward!" he began, welcoming me with his customary manner, "I can see by your countenance that you were using your remarkable talent to eavesdrop just now. A hard habit to break, is it not?"

I managed to hold myself in place as he thought about the many times I had eavesdropped on Bella through the thoughts of others, but the only thing that stopped me was imagining taking Aro's head between my hands and ripping it off.

Seeing that I was not about to answer, Aro continued. "But I'm afraid that we cannot accede to your request. We cannot find it within ourselves to end your life without any disobedience on your part. That would be against everything we stand for."

"I seriously doubt that," I snarled.

Aro held on to his benign expression, but only just. _Be careful, Edward_, he thought, before he went on. "However, we would like to offer you the honor of becoming one of our guard. We would be more than happy to welcome you into our ranks."

The guards themselves didn't agree.

_I don't want the fool here_, thought Jane. _Better that he does die._

_He's hardly necessary_, Alex noted dismissively.

The others, too, did not care for my presence, but most were not overly concerned. They were sure I would not accept.

They were right. I turned back to Aro, done with pleasantries. "I would rather spend eternity burning in hell than ever consider joining your crew of misfits," I declared, looking around at the guard.

As I had suspected, snarls erupted from every side. Aro, while tensing in his thoughts, kept his outward demeanor relaxed, and indicated for calm. But he was watching me carefully.

"We will not kill you without reason," he informed me. "It is against our law."

Like that was going to stop me. "Then I will break it." And with that, I turned and marched from the room.

I couldn't stay in the reception area. I bolted through it so quickly that Gianna only felt the breeze. I didn't even bother with the elevator, but found a window and shimmied down the side of the building. I thought that might attract some attention, but night had fallen, and it was dark on that side of the building, so no one saw me.

I began running so quickly that no human could have seen me if they'd tried, although they felt something brush past them. I didn't stop until I was outside Volterra and then I sat under a tree in the dark.

I couldn't stand it. All I could see was Bella leaping from the cliff. All I could see was her tortured face. All I could see was how white she had looked when I had left her in the forest. How could I have run away from her? If I hadn't done that, she would likely still be in my arms right now! I longed to hold her, to feel her warm body next to mine, to smell her scent and feel it burn me, the burn that meant that she was still alive.

I would never feel it again.

And now the only chance I had at joining her in death had been snatched from me. I cursed again the monster that I was, that denied me even the possibility of an easy death to join the woman I loved – although I had no doubt that I would be forever barred from the eternal rest that she had gained. I didn't care. I wanted oblivion, if that's all I could have. And if hell was my destination, didn't I deserve to be there, after all I had done?

Fortunately, there was another course of action open to me. While the Volturi may have refused to destroy me at my request, they would have to do it if I broke their laws. _We will not kill you without reason_, Aro had said. If a reason was what he wanted, then I would give him one.

So it remained only to decide how I would break the law. I had to reveal myself – or all of us – to the humans in some way. What would be the best way to flout the Volturi?

Would I go and punch through a wall where everyone could see it? I imagined that. There was still plenty of activity in the city at this time of night. It would not take much to show the humans how inhuman I was. My eyes alighted on a parking lot. Perhaps I could go and juggle a few vehicles. That should create quite a stir.

Could I call the press and invite them to the occasion? Tell them I was going to reveal a deep secret about Volterra. Then, when they came, I would pick up their vehicles and throw them down the street, in full view of the camera. But then, that one could cause trouble to many vampires, and probably would affect my family. That was not a great course of action, I decided.

I began to roam throughout the city, trying to find the best, the most spectacular way of breaking the law. Perhaps I would smash the fountain in the city square. Or scale the wall to take out the clock that hung there. I could pull it off with my bare hands.

But, as I considered all these things, another idea came to mind. An answer so perfect that I knew at once it was what I should do. A dark smile spread across my face. What was the Volturi's greatest rule, when it came to Volterra? No hunting within its walls. It was a brilliant solution. I would go hunting.

My conscience immediately began to prick me. I had sworn I would never take another human life again, certainly not to satisfy my thirst. But the depression I had experienced when I had lived this lifestyle previously would not long be endured this time. I would be dead very soon after. And I did not believe, as Carlisle did, that refusing to hunt would make any difference to my eternal destination. If there was an afterlife for me, it would be hell no matter what I killed to satisfy my thirst.

Of course, I would not kill an innocent person. Not a woman or a child. I knew that the Volturi's presence kept the level of crime low in Volterra, but that didn't mean all its residents were law abiding citizens, either.

I continued to walk, scanning every mind I encountered. Did Volterra have an underworld? Was there a dark quarter of the city, where evil happened? Apart from the Volturi, that is.

It was well into the night now, but there was still activity in the streets. I continued to search for evil in someone. Many of them were petty and shallow, but that wasn't enough for me. I needed more.

I found someone eventually. It was a man who was inhabiting a tavern with an acquaintance. He was large and thick set; a brute in everyone's estimation. He was visiting the city and had already been through several women, but he was thinking of the ones he had left at home. The wife he abused. The daughter he molested regularly He was consumed with sex in all its forms.

He was only here for a few nights, but that made no difference to me. As long as I killed him here, the Volturi would have no choice but to take me down.

He was enjoying his drinking, so I wasn't sure how long it would take before he left to go back to where he was staying, and if he would go alone. While his companion was no saint, I didn't need to take more than one human to hell with me. I settled into a dark corner opposite the tavern and waited.

I couldn't help thinking of Carlisle. What I was about to do would disappoint him greatly. I could only hope it would never get back to him. I didn't like to think of Esme finding out, either. I had tried not to think of her at all during my headlong dash to end my life. I knew that she would mourn my loss for centuries, but even that couldn't make me change my course.

I wondered what Alice was doing. I hoped she had decided not to try and stop me. It had occurred to me that she might show up, perhaps with Emmett and Jasper, to drag me away from Volterra before I could complete my mission here. I hoped that she would see that the future remained the same, regardless of what she did. I would find some way of ending my life, no matter how hard they tried to prevent it.

It was another hour or two before my victim decided to make his way home. I had been keeping tabs on the Volturi to see if they were watching me. They were. Felix and Demetri had been sent to keep watch. Demetri, their master tracker, was a logical choice. It wasn't difficult for him to find me. It would not take long for them to take me into custody after I killed the man. Perhaps they would even kill me on the spot. So much the better.

My victim started his journey home in the company of his acquaintance, but I knew they would have to part ways soon. I could see it now in their minds. There were several dark streets he would have to pass after that before he made it home. It should be easy for me to take him.

I thought again of Carlisle, and his disappointment should he ever know what I was about to do. But I knew that, even if he did find out, he would still love me. He would understand my pain. He would know why I sought death so desperately. I wondered if he would think that this last act of mine would rule me out of whatever heaven he believed we had access to. Probably. No matter. I didn't believe that was a possibility for me. That was only a possibility for someone like Bella.

Bella …

A feeling of horror came over me. Bella had killed herself. Wasn't it commonly believed that those who committed suicide did not go to heaven?

Surely that couldn't be so. There was no deity who would keep someone as good as Bella out of heaven, could they, no matter how her life had ended? Did I really believe it was possible for Bella to have ended up in hell?

No. I was certain it wouldn't be the case. Besides, hadn't I been the one to cause her death? If I had never entered her life, she wouldn't have decided to end it. Surely God would know that it was my fault she was dead, not her own, and spare her from such a fate. He was merciful. That's what Carlisle had always said. Carlisle believed that, even though I had killed, if I turned away from that life and never lived it again, heaven could be mine, no matter how many people had died in my rebellious years.

Of course, I was about to throw that all away by killing someone.

So then, if I did pursue this course of action and kill this man, it would mean I was barred from heaven. It hadn't mattered before. But now my thinking changed. Did I believe, even slightly, that it was possible for me to get there? No. Not at all.

But …

What if Carlisle was right? What if I could go to heaven? What if Bella was there, and, the moment I left this life, she would be in my arms again? I could feel her there … But no, I didn't believe all that. Or would Bella be in hell with me, because she had killed herself? I didn't believe that was possible either.

But what if we could both be heaven together …?

My victim left his friend at a corner and continued on home alone, right past where I was waiting for him. I let him pass. The desire to kill had fled. Although I didn't really believe Carlisle, I was not willing to jeopardize a possible future in heaven with Bella, no matter how unlikely it was.

So I needed another plan. One that would mean I broke the Volturi's law, but not God's if I could avoid it. That would be difficult. Throwing cars around would damage private property and could hurt someone. That was out. Vandalizing property in the city wasn't a good thing either. What could I do? Every suggestion I could think of involved doing something that would hurt someone or damage something.

As I was considering this, I became aware of a conversation by two locals who were making their way home after an evening out.

"No clouds to be seen, that's good," said the younger one. _Rain tomorrow would bring bad luck on the city_.

"I told you it would be fine," his companion chided him. "Didn't you see the sunset tonight? There will be no rain to spoil the day tomorrow."

Tomorrow?

"Lucia was planning to buy capes for us all," the first said. "Her nieces are spending the day with us, and we have some vampire fangs for all of them." _They love St Marcus Day_.

St Marcus Day …

I realized that I'd heard this before. Many minds around me had been talking about the St Marcus Day celebrations tomorrow. But I hadn't been intending to live to see the sun rise, so I had overlooked it.

Now, a plan formed in my mind. I knew how I could end my life without harming anyone. The Volturi would brook no interruption to the St Marcus Day festival.

The festival was in celebration of the famous St Marcus, who had, so legend said, driven vampires from the city of Volterra fifteen hundred years ago. What none of the locals realized was that Marcus was still alive – or existing, at any rate – within the city itself, feasting on the blood of humans every fortnight or so in his position as one of the leaders of the Volturi.

The whole festival was a joke. The humans had no idea that the saint they venerated was a despised, monstrous vampire himself. But the Volturi loved the festival, so Carlisle had told me, because of the way it concealed the truth from humans, while perpetuating the vampire myths that humans readily believed – especially the one that suggested a human could kill a vampire. The Volturi had no problem with humans thinking vampires were weak. They delighted in any lie that kept humans from knowing the truth about us.

So what would the Volturi do if a vampire revealed his lack of humanity at the St Marcus Day celebrations? They would be furious, of course. It wouldn't matter what I did – if I demonstrated that I was not human, they would have no choice but to destroy me, and quickly.

That made the solution quite simple.

I made my way to the square where the primary celebrations would be held. Some setting up had already been done, but I was sure the majority had been left until the morning.

As I looked around, I became conscious of Felix and Demetri. They were watching me from some distance away. Out of earshot, at least for a normal vampire. They had forgotten I could read their minds, or perhaps they were just underestimating my ability.

Felix was frowning. The thought of me disrupting the coming festival had only just occurred to them while they watched me look around the square.

_He wouldn't …_ "You don't think he'd do something on St Marcus Day?" He turned to Demetri.

Demetri was frowning now also. "If he does, we must make sure we stop him." _We might need help to make sure it doesn't get out of hand._

"Perhaps we should act now," Felix suggested, leaning forward. He was eager for an excuse to kill me.

Demetri put a hand on his arm. "You know our instructions. We must make sure he breaks the law first. Aro will not allow us to destroy him unless he does." _ That plan could backfire. If only __we could take care of this now._

"Then we should tell Aro what he is likely to do," Felix said. "It's risky, if he intends to do something in the midst of tomorrow's crowd."

Demetri pulled out his cell phone and updated Aro on what I was doing. Aro was still close enough for me to hear his thoughts, and he was concerned when Demetri told him what they thought I might be planning.

_He wouldn't dare … _Aro thought in fury. "Are you sure?"

"No," Demetri admitted. "We thought he was going to kill a human earlier." _That would have been easier to cover up …_

That plan pleased Aro more than the idea of disrupting the festival. "Make sure you continue to follow him," he instructed. "Once the celebration starts I will send more of the guard out to make sure that he does not get too far. But you must not take him into custody unless he breaks the law. Then bring him to me."

Aro finished the call, frustrated at the trouble I was causing him. And he was no fool. He had seen every thought in my head, and he knew what I was likely to be doing right now.

_Take care, Edward_, he cautioned me in his thoughts. _Don't push me too far._

I smiled grimly. He should have thought of that earlier.

Never mind. I wouldn't do anything too dreadful. I was determined not to harm a human, but equally determined to prove I was inhuman. And doing that was easy.

The square was open to the sun. There were few areas where it was shielded, and only a few alleys and buildings where there would be anything like shade. Revealing my monstrous nature would not require a monstrous act. I would simply stroll out into the square in full view of the humans. The minute they saw how my skin reacted to the sunlight the Volturi's guard would take me away to be executed.

The celebrations would last most of the day, but I now reviewed the schedule I had seen in some of the humans' heads earlier. The main parade would take place in the middle of the day, culminating in a mighty gathering in this very square. The sun would be at its highest point at that time, blazing down on the people. It was perfect.

So tomorrow, at precisely midday, I would take off my shirt and walk in the square amongst the humans, and I would finally end this useless, wasteful existence I had endured for so long.


	5. Chapter 5

Once morning came I hid in an office building overlooking the square. The office was closed for the day because of the festival, so I knew I could remain here undisturbed until the time had come for me to carry out my plan. The building's facade was as ancient as the Volturi's castle, but its interior had been modernized, and although its main entrance faced away from the square, there was a side entrance that led out into an alley that joined it. It would provide the perfect location for me to reveal myself to the humans. I was sure I wouldn't get too far before the Volturi stopped me.

They were the only entertainment I had. I had been following all their thoughts, as several had started tailing me as soon as the sun came up. Jane and Alec were not among them, as Aro knew that Jane would bring all her powers to bear on me if she was the one to bring me in, and he was sure the sight of me breaking the law _and_ writhing in agony would only attract more attention.

I had watched their preparations; all of them wore long cloaks to shield them from the revealing sunlight, and all of them knew where I was. Demetri and Felix would still be the primary ones to apprehend me once I had broken the law, but the others would come to their aid quickly if required.

It offered me a little amusement to see how my intentions affected their leaders. Caius was secretly delighted that I was causing so much trouble, although he remained furious outwardly. He hoped I would annoy Aro enough to warrant a painful death. He intended to use Jane on me for a while – Jane was hoping that herself, actually – and was looking forward to watching it.

Marcus was still disinterested in everything, but news of my behavior had generated a slight flicker of response because of his envy.

_Ah, this Edward,_ he sighed. _If only I could be him …_

His thoughts, which were rarely away from his lost love, assaulted him again. I tried not to look in his mind too much. His loss reminded me of my own.

Aro was trying to keep up his disappointed and objective facade. I could see his mind easily, however, and he did not appreciate the trouble I was causing. And the more trouble I caused, the more it seemed likely that he would be open to Caius' request for a painful death for me.

In between times I watched the humans in the square as they began to gather, excited about the festivities. Thousands of tourists had flocked to Volterra for the celebrations, and more were on the way even now. But they couldn't hold my interest for long.

I thought of my family sometimes, and I regretted the pain that my death would cause them, Esme, particularly. Carlisle would grieve my loss too, as would Alice and Emmett, even Jasper. I wasn't sure how Rosalie would feel. She would probably be glad to get rid of her troublesome brother, although I knew that was not likely to be completely true. Although Rosalie's thoughts did not often encompass people other than herself, I knew she loved me, as much as she could, anyway. She would probably regret my loss, but I was sure that she, of all the members of my family, would recover the quickest.

And Bella …

My thoughts dwelled with Bella almost constantly, still feeling the keening pain of her loss, still wishing she was here, still wanting to hold her in my arms, to touch her and feel the burn of her scent on my throat again. I didn't really believe Carlisle was right, and that my actions in spending the past eighty years killing no one would make up for the years I had killed people, not to mention the idea that vampires would never be admitted to heaven at all. But sometimes I couldn't help but think that, in just a few hours, I might be with Bella again. Even if God granted me but a few moments to see her, to tell her that I loved her, to make sure she knew that I wouldn't have stayed in this world without her any longer than I had to, that would be something. If only it could be so.

Monitoring the Volturi eventually lost its charms, and I was back to impatience. The minutes ticked by so slowly. I knew I could act sooner – there were plenty of people in the crowd now – but something in me wanted to wait. Perhaps it was for the idea of flouting the Volturi as flagrantly as possible. But I took to watching every step of the sun as it made its way through the sky.

Eventually, I moved from the building into the alley outside it. There were a few humans milling around, but they did not stay, and soon the alley was a quiet place behind the crowd. The Volturi guard were aware of my every move, though. Felix and Demetri were not far behind me, and I could see other guards positioned at strategic points around the square, almost like snipers, all watching my every move. I smiled. I liked an audience. And this was the grand finale of my tragic romance, much like _Romeo and Juliet_, Bella's favorite of Shakespeare's plays.

The crowd in the square increased in number as the parade reached its climax. There was a solid wall of people through every inch of it, with only the fountain in the middle clear of the mass of red cloaked figures. They wore red for blood – the blood spilled by the vampires supposedly vanquished by the great St Marcus. I could see many of the children wearing plastic vampire fangs, too. It was ludicrous.

Finally, the sun reached its height, and I watchrf the clock as it ticked slowly towards midday. I would go when the chimes struck twelve. I took off my shirt and left it at my feet, closing my eyes and turning my face upwards.

I thought of Bella. I thought of the love of my life. I imagined her in my arms. I imagined heaven's gates opening to admit me, and her rushing to me, and holding her once more. I didn't think she'd smell the same in heaven, unless that was to be the price I'd pay for getting in there. Or would it be a sign that we were in hell together? No matter. As long as I was with her, that was all I cared about.

The clock began to chime midday. I stepped forward, still imagining Bella's face. I could almost hear her calling … _Edward, look at me!_

_Yes, my love,_ I thought. _I'm coming …_

I lifted my foot to step into the sunlight and suddenly I felt something soft and warm in my arms. More importantly, I smelled a familiar scent, and my throat began to burn in response. I opened my eyes and looked down.

And there was Bella! She was looking up at me with an earnest expression. She was so real! Could it really have been so easy? And to think, after all this, I had been wrong to doubt Carlisle.

"Amazing," I breathed, almost to myself. "Carlisle was right."

Bella's voice came back to me in a whisper, "Edward, you've got to get back into the shadows. You have to move!"

I didn't understand the necessity of that, now that we were in the afterlife together. I still couldn't believe she was real, but here she was, soft and warm, and my throat was burning, and everything was all right. I felt complete again. The gaping hole that had punched its way through me when I had run away from her had been filled by her presence.

I touched my hand to her cheek. Her skin was so beautiful and so soft.

"I can't believe how quick it was," I told her. "I didn't feel a thing – they're very good." How nice of them to be merciful. I hadn't been sure that Aro would let them. But it was all over now. I pressed my face into her hair, brushing my lips over it, inhaling that beautiful, fiery scent that meant she was with me. My tragic tale had a happy ending after all. I wondered if it would have been the same for Romeo and Juliet if they had been real. I hoped so, for in the past few days I had come to appreciate Romeo's loss even more, even if he had been mistaken. "_Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath, hath had no power yet upon thy beauty_," I quoted, overwhelmed by the sight of my beautiful Bella. "You smell just exactly the same as always." Was that right if it was heaven? Did it really matter? "So maybe this _is_ hell. I don't care. I'll take it."

"I'm not dead," Bella replied. "And neither are you! Please Edward, we have to move. They can't be far away!"

Suddenly, I noticed that her expression was not earnest, it was frantic. I could feel her fluttering about in my arms, and I started to consider what she was saying to me. It didn't quite make sense. "What was that?"

"We're not dead, not yet!" she told me, glancing around her. "But we have to get out of here before the Volturi –"

The truth dawned on me. I was not dead, in some afterlife with my Bella. Instead, she was here with me in Volterra, the home of the Volturi, whom I had just been about to defy, who were the keepers of our law,_ and she was a human who knew that vampires existed_.

Demetri and Felix were just behind me, where they had been watching and waiting for me to reveal myself to the humans. They knew that Bella was here.

_This must be the girl_, Demetri thought.

"Is that the human girl?" Felix whispered to him. They both knew what that meant. They wanted Bella. She had broken the law.

I pulled her away from the edge of the shadows, and put her against the wall of the alley, shielding her with my body. They couldn't have her. I scanned quickly for the other members of the guard. Although they knew something had happened, they weren't sure what, and they knew they had to follow Demetri and Felix's lead. If we could convince them to let us go, we could still get out.

As I scanned the minds around me, I encountered another that was very familiar.

_Edward_, Alice thought to me, _I will be with you soon._ She had seen what had happened, and was busy trying to work her way to me without stepping into the sunlight.

Bella stood shivering behind me. I could hear her heart hammering away. How had I missed its sound earlier? It would have been a good indicator that she was not dead. I guess I had been thinking other things. Now, my carelessness had put Bella's life on the line … again.

But there could still be a chance for escape. Other members of the Volturi were informing Aro that something had happened, and he was commissioning Jane to bring me to him. We had to leave before she got here. It would be too late by then.

"Greetings, gentlemen," I said, trying to keep my voice calm and smooth. "I don't think I'll be requiring your services today. I would appreciate it very much, however, if you would send my thanks to your masters."

"Shall we take this conversation to a more appropriate venue," Felix replied, his eyes alight. He had just smelled Bella, and I was dismayed to remember that Aro had promised him a present …

"I don't believe that will be necessary," I shot back, unable to keep my voice calm. "I know your instructions, Felix. I haven't broken any rules."

"Felix merely meant to point out the proximity of the sun," Demetri told me, trying to play peacemaker. He nodded at the light that was touching the edge of the alley. "Let us seek better cover."

"I'll be right behind you," I assured them. I didn't think it would work, but I was going to try. "Bella, why don't you go back to the square and enjoy the festival?"

"No, bring the girl," Felix said, his mouth watering at Bella's scent. _I want her_.

"I don't think so," I replied. I knew I probably wouldn't stand much of a chance against Felix, but I would fight him for Bella. I had beaten Emmett many times because I could read his mind, although we had only ever fought for fun, and I wasn't exactly at my strongest at the moment, what with not hunting since … I didn't know when.

"No," Bella whispered from behind me. She must have guessed what I was preparing to do.

"Shh," I murmured to her.

"Felix," Demetri went on, throwing his companion a glare. "Not here."

Then I realized what he meant. He had heard them behind him. The murmuring of human voices. Only children, but they had seen us.

"Mummy," a little girl said, "there's someone going to hurt that lady."

The little girls had been watching me as I had been about to break the law, and they were now tugging at their mother's cloak to draw her attention to us. Their childish faces and thoughts were concerned for Bella's welfare.

They could definitely be allies. If they fetched the police, there would be trouble for the Volturi. I monitored the thoughts of their parents while continuing to talk to Felix and Demetri.

Demetri went on, determined to follow the law, although he kept his words diplomatic. "Aro would simply like to speak with you again, if you have decided not to force our hand after all."

"Certainly," I said. I had no problem with seeing Aro again. "But the girl goes free." I knew Alice was nearly to us. She would get Bella out of here.

But Demetri wasn't having that. "I'm afraid that's not possible. We do have rules to obey."

"Then _I'm_ afraid that I'll be unable to accept Aro's invitation, Demetri."

"That's just fine," Felix replied, his smile widening. He wanted to fight.

Demetri was still determined to keep things civil. "Aro will be disappointed."

"I'm sure he'll survive the letdown."

They were not giving up, I could see that. And Jane was on her way. But so was Alice.

Felix and Demetri spread out, trying to force us back into the alley, but the family behind us was becoming a little more agitated as the parents realized what was happening.

Then I heard a sound to my left. I didn't need to look to know who it was, but Felix and Demetri were less than impressed when they saw an unfamiliar vampire.

Alice skipped to my side. "Let's behave ourselves, shall we?" she chided them. "There are ladies present."

Neither Felix or Demetri knew exactly who she was, but they had heard talk about talented vampires in Carlisle's coven even prior to my visit, and Aro had been praising Alice's talents since he had met me. They weren't sure if Alice was the same vampire Aro had praised, but it made them cautious.

I was glad that they didn't know Jane was on the way. If only we could get out before she arrived …

Alice was looking ahead. She could see Jane reaching us, and taking us into custody. There was no other future at present. However, she too had noticed the human family behind the Volturi guard, and drew their attention to them. "We're not alone."

Demetri looked behind him. The mother of the girls was talking to her husband, her voice and thoughts truly concerned for Bella's welfare. "Darling, can you see the police? We should fetch someone." _What are they trying to do to that poor girl?_

Her husband walked away to alert some officials to our plight.

The future in Alice's head began to blur …

Demetri turned back to us, trying to gain our agreement. One moment more, and he would give in. "Please, Edward, let's be reasonable."

"Let's," I replied, trying not to speak too quickly, lest they guessed the reason for my haste. "And we'll leave quietly now, with no one the wiser."

Demetri sighed again. "At least let us discuss this more privately."

The officials had now joined the family at the mouth of the alley. The Volturi couldn't detain us here too much longer.

"No," I replied.

But, abruptly, Alice's vision solidified into the future I didn't want. The one with no chance of easy escape.

Jane had reached us.

"Enough," she announced from behind us. I felt Bella move around to peek and see who the voice was coming from. Never before had I wished so much that I could undo my actions. To have myself here at the mercy of the Volturi was one thing. To have Bella here with me was another thing entirely.

Jane was already sizing her up and noticing her appetizing scent. She had the control to ignore it, fortunately. That was the one good thing about this company – they could control themselves around a human if they had to. But their leaders could also decide if anyone lived or died, and as Bella, being human, was not allowed to know that vampires existed, they knew it was likely Aro would order her killed. Jane was considering whether she would ask for the job herself, but Felix was already looking at her with a possessive glint in his eye. Jane knew he was owed a favor, so she chose to ignore Bella's appeal.

Felix and Demetri had relaxed as soon as Jane had announced her presence. I too, dropped my protective posture in front of Bella. There was no need for it anymore. I could not save us from Jane. She had instructions to take me back to Aro, and she knew her instructions would extend to Bella, and likely Alice as well, since she was here, and Jane would do whatever was required to make sure we all obeyed.

"Jane," I said. It was the first time I had acknowledged her.

Alice folded her arms and tried not to glare at the girl. _So this is Aro's most formative weapon, is it? _she thought at me. _Huh_.

Jane hardly even bothered to look at Alice. _Another one,_ she thought. _She's doesn't exactly look significant._

I bit back a growl at Jane's dismissal of Alice, which was based largely on her size. Ironic, really, since Jane was shorter than her.

She wasted no time with small talk. "Follow me," she commanded, and turned her back on us, without even waiting to see if we'd follow. She knew we would.

Felix's hungry grin was back, and he gestured for us to go first. Alice followed immediately behind Jane, and I pulled Bella close to my side, my arm around her. I would give her whatever protection I could for as long as possible.

Bella looked terrified. I didn't know how much she knew about the Volturi. I guessed she would know some, as it seemed that Alice would have warned her what they were walking into before she came, and I hoped my closeness would help keep her calm. I didn't know a human who would be calm walking in the company we were in.

I was furious at Alice for bringing her here, although I knew why she had. Alice was replaying it for me in her head – Bella insisting, with her usual stubbornness and selflessness, that she be allowed to assist in my rescue, Alice cautioning her that only she would be able to save me, as I wouldn't have believed anyone else. This was true, and Alice was offering it to me as a defense for her behavior.

_I couldn't let you die_, she told me. _And Bella wanted us to try. She would have tried herself if I hadn't brought her. _She showed me a vision of Bella doing just that.

But there were more important things to discover. My major point of curiosity was why Bella was still alive when she was supposed to have thrown herself off a cliff. Hadn't that been what Alice had seen? That's what Rosalie had told me. And considering Alice couldn't have arrived in Forks in time to stop it from happening, how had Alice seen her death when it hadn't occurred?

"Well, Alice," I said, trying to ignore the unwelcome ears listening in to our conversation, "I suppose I shouldn't be surprised to see you here."

"It was my mistake," she replied casually. "It was my job to set it right." S_orry it didn't quite work._

"What happened?" I asked. Alice knew what I meant.

"It's a long story," she said, shooting a glance at Bella. "In summary, she did jump off a cliff, but she wasn't trying to kill herself. Bella's all about the extreme sports these days."

I smelled the color rush to Bella's cheeks at Alice's explanation, and she looked away in embarrassment, probably guessing that Alice was filling me in on the finer details.

It was hard to keep my face neutral as I saw what was in Alice's thoughts. She showed me Bella – who looked so pale and thin I was distracted for a moment – telling her that she was being hunted by Victoria! That too, distracted me until she went on to the next revelation – that Bella had made friends with a pack of young werewolves, who were protecting her from the vampire.

_She jumped off the cliff because she was bored, or so she said_, Alice told me. _I don't believe a word of it. But I don't think she was trying to kill herself, either. You know she's not a brilliant liar. But I don't exactly know why she did it._

She replayed for me Bella's explanation about her cliff jump. She was right. It wasn't convincing.

But I had to wince again at how pale Bella looked. The way she looked now – terrified and clinging to my side – was easier to look at than these images in Alice's mind.

"Hm," I said, in an effort to control the emotions that wanted me to take Bella aside and talk to her about everything. Make sure that she was okay. These memories were raking me with pain.

They hurt Alice, too. _Edward, if we survive this, I may kill you myself for what you've done to her_, she told me. It was the harshest thing she had ever said to me. I was sure she wasn't serious, but I knew I'd earned the rebuke.

But we'd have to survive the day before I could make it up to either one of them.

We were headed towards one of the street level entries to the Volturi's lair. Jane didn't want to use the main entrance; it was further away and she had no intention of keeping Aro waiting for any longer than she had to. By the time we had turned the corner, she had already descended from street level, and was waiting for us in the tunnel below.

Alice stepped towards the entry and dropped through it. _I'll make sure I catch Bella_, she thought.

Bella had, by this time, realized where we were headed and she went white at the sight of what was – to her – a gaping black hole.

"It's all right, Bella," I told her, wishing I didn't have an audience. "Alice will catch you."

Felix and Demetri had been hoping I'd go down first, although they were unsure exactly what they would do if I had. Felix had already imagined killing Bella several times, and I was having difficulty keeping my temper in check, although I knew it would not help us if I fought him now. Demetri had been a little more restrained, if only because he was sure that, if anyone got Bella, it would be Felix, so he was trying not to get his hopes up.

Bella had not found my statement reassuring. She looked at the hole doubtfully, then crouched down, narrowing her eyes, probably trying to see how far down it went. "Alice?"

"I'm right here, Bella," Alice told her. But her reassurance did not have any effect on Bella that I could see.

Regardless, there was no point in delaying. She had to go down this way. And Felix was growing impatient.

_Humans_, he thought to himself. _ They're only good for one thing …_

I took hold of Bella's wrists, remembering to be gentle – I hadn't had to worry about that for a while – and lowered her into the mouth of the hole.

"Ready?" I said, more for Bella's benefit than to tell Alice what was happening.

"Drop her," she replied.

Bella clamped her eyes shut and I let her go. Alice caught her easily, although I knew it would not be a soft landing for Bella; it would be like being caught by a statue.

I dropped quickly through the hole and landed beside Bella, drawing her close to me again, keeping her as far as possible from the vampires behind us. I tried to steer her – I knew she probably couldn't see a thing – and I wished I could pick her up and carry her, but I didn't want to get where we were going any faster.

I was beginning to lose hope of us ever getting out of here alive. Aro had not been pleased by my determination to break the law. The fact that I had been stopped would not necessarily matter, although his thoughts at the moment were difficult to define. He knew that I was here with another vampire and a human, and he thought that the human might be Bella, but he wasn't sure. He was intrigued, but our lives would depend on how long his intrigue lasted.

So this brief time in the tunnel with Bella might be all the time I had left with her. Although I was not anxious to show how I felt in front of our current audience, I couldn't resist touching her. While I held her to my side I reached my other hand out to caress her face, tracing the shape of her lips, and feeling the delicate softness of her skin beneath my fingers.

Her scent, which was still inflaming my throat, was now something beautiful, and I lowered my face to her hair to breath her in. It was a feeling I'd thought I would never have again.

Bella had clearly realized the peril we were in, and she moved closer to me. I put my lips to her forehead, wishing again that I could do more. I wanted so much to tell her how sorry I was for all this, but I didn't know if I would get the opportunity.

Bella's fear increased the further we went. Her heart was thundering like a steam engine, and her breaths were quick and shallow. I tried to ignore the thoughts behind me as they too, noted these things, and concentrated on trying to soothe Bella, but her trembling increased the further we went.

It wasn't until her teeth started chattering together that I realized the real problem. She was cold and wet and my body wasn't doing much to alleviate those feelings. Damn. I hadn't had to worry about that for a while, either, but now my body temperature was, again, a curse.

I let her go, just holding her hand. I couldn't keep holding her close when it was making her so uncomfortable.

"N-n-no," she stuttered, clasping me in her arms. I was reluctant to hold her again, though. I didn't think it was going to help right now.

Felix was growing more and more impatient with all the delays. I worried that he might pick her up and carry her himself, so I tried to move her a little faster, as much as I didn't want to.

We stepped through another grate, not far now from the elevators, and I felt Bella flinch as they locked it behind us, although once she had passed through the next door and saw the modern surroundings she relaxed. It was familiar to her.

It was familiar to me too, but for a different reason. I knew how close we were to the Volturi now, and death might only be a step away.


	6. Chapter 6

The door opened into the corridor leading to the elevators. Jane was waiting for us there, and she too, was becoming impatient.

_Ugh, this human is so slow,_ she complained internally. _Although she does smell delicious. Hm, perhaps I _should_ ask Aro for her. Felix isn't the only one who's been working hard lately._

I tried to rein in my temper at the sound of her thoughts, but it was difficult. Once we were in the elevator it was even worse. All the Volturi relaxed, removing the hoods of their cloaks. I could see Bella examining them out of the corner of her eye, and she cringed against my body, although her breathing stayed relatively even. I rubbed her arm, hoping to calm her.

Jane was continuing to debate whether or not she should try and get Bella for herself, and I couldn't help but glare at her. She ignored me, as she considered me irrelevant. I was no obstruction to her obtaining what she desired.

_Take it easy, Edward,_ Alice cautioned me. She was scanning the future continually, and she saw me lunging at Jane, and the response I received was the expected one. So I held back, for now.

A moment later we were in the reception area again. Gianna was at her post behind the counter, and she regarded us calmly, in spite of her surprise at the sight of Bella.

"Good afternoon, Jane," she said, while her thoughts were speculating about our appearance. _He's back with another vampire AND a human! Hm, what does that mean? He doesn't look any happier than before. Maybe she's another candidate for transformation and he's worried that Aro will say no. _ Gianna had noticed that Bella and I stood close together, and assumed that we were together somehow. _But why didn't he change her himself? Maybe he didn't want to try in case he couldn't do it._

I ignored this stupid human, treating her with the contempt she deserved. Jane replied to her, which surprised me, especially since she was thinking about reminding Aro that Felix wanted Gianna, so therefore she should have Bella. I wanted to snarl at her, but I locked it up inside of me. Knowing Felix's thoughts I knew that Jane would not be likely to gain her request anyway, especially now he was smelling Gianna and Bella side by side. _I think this human has the edge_, he thought, his eyes sliding in Bella's direction just after he had winked at Gianna. I clenched my teeth.

When we headed for the wooden doors that led to the proper part of the Volturi's lair, I couldn't help but be nervous. Alice could see, and I had seen it in the minds of the vampires around us, that we were to be taken to the throne room. I didn't think there would be much chance of escape if they took us there. It was where the Volturi cast judgments. It could well make our future bleak, although Alice's visions on our fate had not solidified yet.

Alec was waiting for us on the other side of the wooden doors, and Bella gave him a curious, if guarded, look as he and Jane exchanged kisses. Then he turned to us.

"They send you out for one and you come back with two … and a half," he said, taking in Bella, and smelling her for the first time. "Nice work." _Hm, nice work indeed. She smells delicious_. His mouth started watering.

Jane laughed at his comment, not to mention at the expression on his face as he looked at Bella. _Looks like I have some more competition._

Alec dragged his eyes away from Bella and looked at me. "Welcome back, Edward," he said politely. "You seem in a better mood."

"Marginally," I spat. I didn't see the reason for his pleasantries, but Alec always liked to keep up appearances. He was like Aro in that way.

Alec laughed at me, and his eyes turned to Bella again, an unmistakable light of hunger in them. "And this is the cause of all the trouble?"

I managed to smile in return, although I wanted to growl, and then I froze, for Felix had seen Alec's look as well.

_He's not getting her. She's mine!_ he thought, deciding to stake his claim so everyone knew. "Dibs."

That was too much for me to bear. It was bad enough that they were thinking this, but to make their intentions clear to Bella herself enraged me. I turned and snarled at Felix.

Felix was pleased with my response. _I'll happily have a bit of fun with the boy. I don't have to kill him; Aro can have the say on that. _ But he extended his hand and encouraged me to attack.

Alice had her hand on my arm before I could move. "Patience," she said, and I could see the results of my action in her head. I was in pieces on the floor. The others would never stand by while I attacked Felix – they wanted to fight as much as he did – and I knew that a fight now would not help us.

I took a deep breath and turned away from him and the vision blurred … but the future was still uncertain.

"Aro will be so pleased to see you again," Alec told me pleasantly.

I tried not to roll my eyes.

"Let's not keep him waiting," Jane added. There was more of a threat in her tone.

I nodded, and the twins led us down the hallway, past the ornate doors where I had entered last time. Instead, they headed for a smaller wooden door hidden behind some paneling. Alec held it open as we entered.

I noticed Bella's reluctance as she came into the next room. She was shaking, but whether it was from cold or fear – or both – I couldn't be sure. She certainly didn't want to be here, and I was echoing that sentiment, for we were, indeed, about to enter the throne room of the Volturi.

We passed quickly through the entryway into a brighter cavern, part of the original castle that had housed the Volturi for centuries. There were a few slits for windows, and no furniture apart from three thrones. Numerous other vampires were around us – mostly members of the guard. The wives were in one corner, whispering to themselves.

The room was unremarkable apart from these elements. I could, of course, smell the remains of the acid that had decomposed the bodies of their most recent victims in the cavern immediately below us. A drain hole was conveniently located in the middle of the room for the disposal of the bodies. The scent of the acid was not strong, indicating it had been a least a couple of weeks since it was last used. I could only hope and pray that Bella would not end up down there. Fear coursed through my veins at the thought of it.

Aro was talking to some of the others, but, as we entered, he broke away from them and came towards us, his face the picture of innocent delight.

"Jane, dear one, you've returned!" he said, kissing her on the lips. He was unconcerned, although the minds of his guard, who had accompanied him, were less settled.

"Yes, Master," Jane replied, giving him her most devoted smile. "I brought him back alive, just as you wished."

"Ah, Jane." Aro smiled. "You are such a comfort to me."

Jane liked that commendation. She hoped it would be enough to get her Bella. I tried to keep my face neutral, especially as Aro turned to us.

"And Alice and Bella, too," he crowed, clapping his hands. _ How delightful! _ "This _is_ a happy surprise! Wonderful!"

There was nothing but joy in Aro's thoughts. I looked for scheming, any sign of what he intended or wanted, but there was nothing to give me alarm. But that didn't reassure me. I knew he could change in a flash. Carlisle's experience alone had taught me that. And Aro had been angry enough with me earlier, although it seemed that Alice's and Bella's presence had overridden his annoyance … for the moment.

Aro turned to Felix. "Felix, be a dear and tell my brothers about our company. I'm sure they wouldn't want to miss this."

Felix disappeared to do his master's bidding, and Aro turned back to me.

"You see, Edward?" he scolded. "What did I tell you? Aren't you glad that I didn't give you what you wanted yesterday?" _I told you to take care._

I was sure that these thoughts were a warning, but there was no threat in his mind. Truly, his thoughts was difficult to decipher.

I knew if we were to have any chance of survival I would need to match Aro's polite banter, so I tried to respond in kind. "Yes, Aro, I am." I tightened my arm around Bella as I spoke. She leaned into my side.

Aro showed no sign, either in thoughts or words, that he noticed Bella's fear, although he was looking at her intently. _I wonder what makes her so silent …_

Of course. That would be the thing Aro was most curious about. He was already intending to find out if he could read her mind. I hoped Bella would be able to cope with that, as I knew I wouldn't be able to stop him.

"I love a happy ending," he sighed, as he smiled at us. "They are so rare." Then his attention was diverted to the other member of our party, and his curiosity doubled. "But I want the whole story. How did this happen? Alice? Your brother seemed to think you infallible, but apparently there was some mistake."

Alice didn't look at me, but she was directing her thoughts my way. _He doesn't seem aggressive,_ she thought. _It's the most terrifying thing I've ever seen_. She didn't trust Aro's friendly manner, but she knew, as I did, that if we wanted to get out of here alive we needed to play along.

"Oh, I'm far from infallible," she informed him with a smile. "As you can see today, I cause problems as often as I cure them."

"You're too modest," Aro assured her. _She is fascinating …_ "I've seen some of your more amazing exploits, and I must admit I've never observed anything like your talent. Wonderful!"

This made the other members of the guard take notice. Aro had been boasting of Alice's abilities earlier, and now they made the connection.

_So she is the one who is … talented_, Alec mused.

_I wonder what she's like in a fight_, Felix considered.

_She would be a challenge to track_, thought Demetri. _She would be able to see me coming._

But it was Jane's thoughts that were the most volatile. She gazed at Alice with thinly disguised jealousy. _So she can see the future. What's the good of that? She can't really do much with it, can she, especially if it's based on people's decisions!_

Alice, while noticing Jane's expression, was curious as to what Aro knew about her. Her eyes flickered in my direction. _What did you tell him, and why?_

Aro noticed her look, and understood it immediately. "I'm sorry," he replied, "we haven't been introduced properly at all, have we? It's just that I feel like I know you already, and I tend to get ahead of myself. Your brother introduced us yesterday, in a peculiar way. You see, I share some of your brother's talent, only I am limited in a way that he is not." _Ah yes, if only I could be like Edward!_ Aro's thoughts towards me showed nothing but kindness.

I tried to respond similarly, but it was difficult to have any level of respect in my tone, even while I was complimenting Aro. Or, at least, saying something he would consider a compliment. "And also exponentially more powerful. Aro needs physical contact to hear your thoughts, but he hears much more than I do. You know I can only hear what's passing through your head in the moment. Aro hears every thought your mind has ever had."

_And with you he'd hear your thoughts, and the thoughts of every other person who's come in contact with you. Yes, I can see why he'd be interested in that,_ Alice thought tartly. I inclined my head at her in agreement.

Aro noticed. _I wonder what she thought … _"But to be able to hear from a distance …" he said with a sigh. "That would be so _convenient_."

Aro turned then, as he had heard the sounds of Caius and Marcus approaching as Felix brought them to us.

_Here he is again … with company_, Caius snarled as he approached. He eyed Bella with interest, drawing in her scent. _I've smelled better_, he scoffed, but he was salivating.

Marcus didn't pay much attention to us at first, and I was the only one who noticed when he did, as the expression on his face did not change. But, as he brought his gift to bear on us, his thoughts became surprised.

_Their bond …_ he said, as he assessed the bond between me, Bella and Alice with his ability to detect relationships between people. It was the closest to amazement he could reach in his morose state. _It is … potent. But not as great as mine to Didyme …_ He sighed internally.

"Marcus, Caius, look!"Aro said with delight. "Bella is alive after all, and Alice is here with her! Isn't that wonderful?"

_I'd say not_, Caius spat in his thoughts. Marcus didn't even notice Aro speaking.

I could see Bella watching to two of them closely. I wondered if she recognized them from the painting she'd seen in Carlisle's study at home. I thought it likely, considering how observant she was. She still trembled beside me.

Aro gave Marcus a look, which the despondent vampire understood immediately. While Caius headed for his throne, Marcus stopped beside Aro and touched his hand briefly. Marcus' assessment of my bond to Bella and Alice transferred to Aro's mind.

_Hm_, Aro thought to himself. _They are some mighty ties that these Cullens do possess._

I snorted at that, and Alice glanced at me, raising her eyebrows.

"Thank you, Marcus," Aro remarked. "That's quite interesting." He shook his head at us. "Amazing. Absolutely amazing."

Alice's expression became frustrated. _What is he talking about?_ Bella, too, looked up for an explanation.

"Marcus sees relationships," I explained quickly. "He's surprised by the intensity of ours."

Aro smiled as he recognized that I was answering Alice's thoughts. "So convenient. It takes quite a bit to surprise Marcus, I can assure you."

It was in that moment that Aro slipped. He had been trying to shield his thoughts from me, but now I saw his underlying intention. He still wanted me to join him. And not just me, but Alice as well. He was fascinated with her, as he usually was with any vampire who possessed a talent he did not currently have access to. The assessment of the bond between us had brought these thoughts to the forefront of him mind, as he was trying to work out if he could change our allegiance to himself. He did not think it likely, but he intended to try.

His mind flashed to one of his guard. One named Chelsea. She could destroy ties between people, and bind them to whoever she chose, like her master. He dismissed the idea, however, of using her on us. _Their ties are so strong …_ Then he remembered what I could do, and buried the thought.

Now that Marcus had also demonstrated my tie to Bella, he was viewing her as a possible acquisition, although he wasn't sure if she was worth it yet. This made me nervous, as I worried that he would insist that she was transformed into a vampire before she would be allowed to leave the Volturi's lair.

That couldn't happen. I hadn't gone through seven months of torture with the sole desire of saving her soul to see Aro force that fate upon her now. I listened carefully to every thought in the room, taking in everything that passed through their minds, looking for information that would help us get out of here with Bella's humanity intact.

I kept my face neutral; I didn't want Aro to know I had found him out. But he was considering Bella with interest again, examining the specifics of my bond with her.

"It's just so difficult to understand, even now," he mused, looking at the two of us. "How can you stand so close to her like that?"

He was remembering how she smelled to me, the potency of it, replaying the memories he had stolen of my first encounter with Bella's scent when we were at school.

"It's not without effort," I replied without emotion.

"But still – _la tua cantante_! What a waste!"

He was trying to provoke me, I knew. He was interested to see how far I would defend, not only Bella, but our relationship. I laughed, but there was no humor in the sound. "I look at it more as a price."

Aro raised his eyebrows at that. "A very high price."

"Opportunity cost."

Aro's laugh filled the room. "If I hadn't smelled her through your memories," he said, remembering the flavor anew, "I wouldn't have believed the call of anyone's blood could be so strong. I've never felt anything like it myself. Most of us would trade much for such a gift, and yet you …"

"Waste it," I growled. No matter how much he read my mind, I knew Aro was incapable of understanding what love really was.

Aro laughed at my contempt. "Ah, how I miss my friend Carlisle! You remind me of him – only he was not so angry."

"Carlisle outshines me in many other ways, as well." I wondered how much longer Aro would continue with this farce before he got to the point.

"I certainly never thought to see Carlisle bested for self-control of all things, but you put him to shame."

"Hardly," I managed to reply.

"I am gratified by his success." And I knew he spoke the truth. Although it amused him, the path Carlisle had chosen, his curious side was fascinated by what Carlisle had managed to achieve, not just in himself, but the rest of our family. "Your memories of him are quite a gift for me, though they astonish me exceedingly. I am surprised by how it … _pleases_ me, his success in this unorthodox path he's chosen. I expected that he would waste, weaken with time. I'd scoffed at his plan to find others who would share his peculiar vision. Yet, somehow, I'm happy to be wrong.

"But _your_ restraint!" he sighed. "I did not know such strength was possible. To inure yourself against such a siren call, not just once but again and again – if I had not felt it myself, I would not have believed."

I made no response, although I could see he was expecting one. I was not going to indulge in idle conversation about things that were irrelevant to our present situation. Mutual admiration of Carlisle would have been fine if we were here for a social visit, rather than a judgment.

But Aro's thoughts again strayed in a dangerous direction. He was inhaling Bella's scent and imagining what would have happened if I'd chosen a different direction.

But it wasn't me in his imagination.

He chuckled at the look on my face, and put his thoughts into words. "Just remembering how she appeals to you … It makes me thirsty."

I could feel the shock jolt Bella, still standing close beside me, as if we had melded together. I glared at Aro, furious that he had put his thoughts into words when all it would do would be to frighten her more.

Aro smiled at me. _Edward, Edward. Such emotion!_ "Don't be disturbed. I mean her no harm."

At the moment that was true. But would it last if he didn't get what he wanted?

Then his eyes brightened again. "But I am so curious about one thing in particular. May I?" He looked Bella over and raised his hand.

I was growing tired of him treating Bella like cattle. If he was that interested, he could treat her with some respect. "Ask _her_."

_So true! _"Of course, how rude of me!" he said, turning to Bella again. "Bella, I'm fascinated that you are the one exception to Edward's impressive talent – so very interesting that such a thing should occur! And I was wondering, since our talents are similar in many ways, if you would be so kind as to allow me to try – to see if you are an exception for me, as well?"

Bella glanced up at me, her face white. I nodded to her, hoping it would take away her fear. I knew Aro wouldn't hurt her … yet.

Aro approached Bella, moving more slowly and carefully than usual, genuinely concerned about scaring her. Bella, raised her hand towards him, unable to keep it from shaking. She clutched me with her other hand, and I tried to reassure her with my closeness.

Aro took Bella's hand and smiled at her, and I was riveted on his thoughts. He did not try to hide them now, as he was convinced that whatever prevented me from reading Bella's mind would not extend to him, and he was preparing to tell me all her thoughts – information that I could not glean on my own.

I watched him carefully as he looked into her mind, waiting for the influx of memory that usually accompanied his touch.

There was nothing.

Nothing.

He tried again, concentrating harder. But he had never had to work to achieve the connection before. Then he remembered my own frustration when I had tried the same thing.

Alice and the rest of the Volturi were watching with interest, and they could see from Aro's face that he was failing in his objective. This astounded them all. Never before had any of them seen Aro's gift repelled. I tried to control my face so my triumph didn't show.

Aro, who was shocked and even angered by his inability to read Bella's mind, tried to keep his face expressionless. He let Bella go and moved away from her. "So very interesting," was his only external comment, but inside he was reeling.

_It can't be so! How could a mere human repel me? _

Then his thoughts became calculating. I was shocked when I saw where they were heading, but before I could say anything, he had spoken them aloud.

"A first. I wonder if she is immune to our other talents … Jane, dear?"

"No!" I snarled. Alice, who could already see me being floored by Jane, put her hand on my arm to try and calm me. _Edward, do you think that will stop them?_ I shook her off. She was looking into Bella's future, and I could see Jane trying her power on Bella, but the vision didn't reveal any response from Bella. Did that mean she could withstand it? I wasn't willing to take the risk.

Jane, knowing what Aro wanted of her, smiled at him. "Yes, Master?"

I continued snarling at him, ignoring the reaction from the gathering around me.

_What does he think he's going to do, attack Aro?_

_Should we stop him?_

_How could he think of behaving that way?_

_Now, finally, it's my turn to show what I can do!_

This last was from Felix, and he step forward eagerly, ready to silence me, but Aro looked at him, making it clear that he was to do nothing. He stepped back, disappointed.

Aro turned back to Jane. "I was wondering, my dear one, if Bella is immune to _you_."

I continued to make it clear to Aro and Jane, and anyone else who cared to listen, that I would not allow them to harm Bella. I hid her behind me. I could still see Alice's vision, and I knew what would happen to me, but I couldn't stand by and let them hurt Bella like that.

The other vampires, Caius in particular, watched with glee. They guessed what would happen next.

Jane turned towards us, trying to direct her deadly smile at Bella.

"Don't!" Alice cried as I lunged at her.

Before I had even come close to her, fire enveloped my entire body. That's what it felt like, anyway. Flames and burning, reminiscent of my transformation, licked over every part of me. I fell to the ground, writhing, but trying to keep my cries locked up inside me. I knew the sight of my suffering would hurt Bella.

"Stop!" she cried, jumping towards me. I wanted to beg her to stay back, but I knew if I opened my mouth I would scream in agony. Jane hadn't released me yet. Fortunately, Alice held Bella back, although she tried her best to reach me. I could see her anguish, and it only made the pain worse.

"Jane," came Aro's voice, so soft. Jane turned to him, and released me from her torture. I closed my eyes and lay gasping for breath for a moment, but heard Alice reassuring Bella. "He's fine."

Now the pain was gone, I rose to my feet and looked around, filled with horror as I saw Jane's smile directed straight at Bella. I turned to her, wondering why I hadn't heard her cries of agony, but she hadn't even noticed what Jane was doing. It was as though she felt nothing.

Nothing.

Jane's face changed as she realized her power wasn't working. Her smile vanished and she clenched her jaw as she increased her focus. _She can't repel me!_ she thought. _She can't! It's impossible!_

But Bella did not show any sign of pain. I went to her side, and Alice stepped away as I gathered Bella's body close to mine again, overcome with relief.

Jane was infuriated by the fact that she couldn't harm Bella. _Who does she think she is, this weakling human? I can't do anything to her! What if Aro … _But she didn't complete the thought.

Aro was enchanted by the whole performance. _What a treasure this one is! Even Jane cannot touch her!_ He began to laugh. "This is wonderful!"

Jane hissed and leaned forward, as if to attack Bella physically. I prepared to defend her, but it wasn't necessary. Aro reached out and touched Jane's shoulder, holding her back. "Don't be put out, dear one. She confounds us all."

Jane refused to be placated. She continued to rant about Bella in her thoughts.

The other vampires were nothing short of astounded. Not only could Bella repel Aro's mind reading abilities, but Jane couldn't harm her.

_I wish I knew how she did it._

_Amazing! And she's only a human!_

_What a handy talent to have._

_What could possibly enable her to repel Jane_?

Aro was still delighted, and was becoming intrigued with how Bella's talent might manifest if she were transformed. That was the last place I wanted his thoughts to go, and it was difficult to stifle my agitation.

Aro noticed, and turned to me with a laugh. "You're very brave, Edward, to endure in silence. I asked Jane to do that to me once – just out of curiosity."

I glared at him as he replayed the event in his mind. Jane hadn't wanted to do it – afraid that it might turn Aro against her – but he had made it clear that not doing it was likely to have the same effect. Aro had not remained silent, and he laughed with amusement at the memory of the pain and his own screaming.

I needed little more to convince me that Aro was insane.

But now that he had finished all his little games, his mind was turning to the matter at hand. "So what do we do with you now?"

Alice stiffened beside me and flashed through her visions again. The vision of Bella's future was rock solid now – she was becoming a vampire. Would Aro force us to change her before he allowed us to leave?

I knew I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't let her soul be destroyed, not after all this. But it might well mean our death. I continued to scan the minds around me. Now that Aro had spoken about our fate, they were thinking about what he'd decide.

_I think he should kill them all,_ thought Jane in fury. _ But something tells me that isn't going to happen._

_Would Aro let them go?_ Alec mused. _Surely he wouldn't release the human, she's broken the law, and defied my sister. I wish he would kill her._

Felix was despondent. _I don't think I'll get my little gift now. Aro likes her too much._

Demetri considered the possibilities _It's clear that Aro wants the fortune teller, at least. Would he take all of them? He seems interested enough in the human to change her. Would he let her go as she is? On condition of her being changed, perhaps._

Aro turned to me, a hopeful look on his face. "I don't suppose there's any chance that you've changed your mind? Your talent would be an excellent addition to our little company." _Unlikely, but it doesn't hurt to ask, does it, Edward?_

He smiled at me, and ignored the unenthusiastic reaction from his minions. There was no way I was saying yes, but I wasn't sure yet how far Aro intended to force the issue. I decided that appeasing him was better at this point, so I tried to answer calmly. "I'd … rather … not."

Unsurprisingly, Aro turned to Alice next. "Alice? Would you perhaps be interested in joining with us?" Again, the thought of Chelsea flashed through his mind, but he stopped it almost before it had begun.

"No, thank you," Alice replied. As ever, she was more controlled than me.

"And you, Bella?"

I hissed at Aro as he dared to put his thoughts into words. I didn't want him even suggesting that possibility to Bella. I didn't know if she still wanted that, or if sense had prevailed, but I didn't want her to think that she was being forced into it.

I wasn't the only one displeased by Aro's speech. For the first time, Caius' voice entered the conversation. He had been looking forward to some dismemberment, and had not completely foregone the idea of asking to kill Bella himself. "What?" he demanded.

"Caius, surely you can see the potential," Aro scolded him, in a friendly manner. "I haven't seen a prospective talent so promising since we found Jane and Alec. Can you imagine the possibilities when she is one of us?"

Caius scowled and Jane looked furious. I was not much calmer, and I could hear the growl building in my throat.

"No, thank you," came Bella's quiet voice from beside me.

Aro sighed and gazed at her regretfully. "That's unfortunate. Such a waste." He was imagining her dead.

I hissed at that image. "Join or die, is that it? I suspected as much when we were brought to _this_ room. So much for your laws." I was tired of all the delays, and of Aro's attempt to come across as benevolent, both in his words and thoughts. If he was going to force us to join him, he should just say it, so we could fight. I knew Bella had to die as a human. That was better for her than any part in this monstrous life. I didn't want to see her die, but I couldn't stand by and watch her become a vampire. I couldn't curse her with that fate – the only fate worse than death.

"Of course not," Aro replied, sounding shocked. He kept his thoughts under control, only thinking about what he was saying. "We were already convened here, Edward, awaiting Heidi's return. Not for you."

I could see he was speaking the truth, especially since I already knew that Heidi was expected soon. If there was a double motive for us being in the judgment room, he was hiding it from me.

Caius had certainly thought we were here for both reasons, although I could see that this information was an assumption on his part. At Aro's words, he growled and spoke again. "Aro, the law claims them." _They should not be given the chance to escape! All three should die for daring to flout us so!_

I directed my eyes to him. "How so?" I demanded. I was determined for him to give reasons for what he wanted. He had no right to demand the death of Alice and I, although he did have a reason for demanding Bella's death. And I wanted us to reach this, the heart of the issue, so that the worst would be over and gone.

Caius pointed at Bella, acknowledging her for the first time. "She knows too much. You have exposed our secrets."

"There are a few humans in on your charade here, as well," I pointed out. There were exceptions to every rule, and the Volturi made them regularly.

Caius' face twisted with sadism. "Yes, but when they are no longer useful to us, they will serve to sustain us. That is not your plan for this one. If she betrays our secrets, are you prepared to destroy her? I think not."

"I wouldn't –" Bella began to assure him, but Caius glared at her and she became silent.

"Nor do you intend to make her one of us. Therefore, she is a vulnerability. Though it is true, for this, only _her_ life is forfeit. You may leave if you wish."

He knew I wasn't going anywhere, and I showed him my teeth, to confirm it for him. He grew satisfied. "That's what I thought."

Felix leaned forward, waiting for the command to destroy. _Thank you, Caius,_ he thought.

But Aro was frowning. _Why must my brother be so short sighted?_ He thought to himself. _Of what benefit would that be to anyone?_ He turned back to me. "Unless … unless you do intend to give her immortality?" _Please, Edward, help me spare your beloved. I would be only too pleased to give her back to you, but the law must be obeyed._

I was relieved by what Aro had said, because it suggested that he would be satisfied if I pledged to turn Bella myself. This was what I had been hoping for, because it meant that she could leave here still human. It would be enough. "And if I do?"

Aro smiled back at me. "Why, then you would be free to go home and give my regards to my friend Carlisle." Then he looked reluctant, and held out his hand. "But, I'm afraid you would have to mean it." _I'm sorry, Edward, but I know how you think. I must be sure you will do as I say._

The vampires around us considered Aro's words, most with dissatisfaction.

_What, no one to kill today?_ Alec complained.

_I can't believe Aro would even consider letting them go with her still human,_ both Jane and Caius thought.

_I still don't get the little human_! Felix pouted.

_Oh well,_ Demetri sighed. _Even if they do let her go, it wouldn't be too hard for me to find her again. _

Most of the other vampires in the guard had reached the same conclusion as Demetri before Aro had even finished speaking, and it was then that I saw it. How Demetri's talent worked. Why he was so good at what he did.

Demetri honed in on the mind of an individual. Every mind was so distinct, so unique, that, especially once he had met someone, finding them again was usually very simple. He could scan for minds thousands of miles around him, and find the person he sought wherever they were. No hiding place could keep someone safe from his ability.

With one possible exception.

There was only one person, I was sure, who would ever have a chance of keeping Demetri out, and that was Bella. None of those around us had realized it yet, but the silence of Bella's mind meant that it would likely make her invisible to Demetri. Even Aro had not realized it.

But I couldn't touch Aro's hand now. He would see what I was planning, that I was going to hide Bella to ensure that she never suffered the fate that Aro had decreed for her.

I looked down at Bella, desperate. I had thought of a way to save her, but Aro was likely to make it impossible to do so. What could I do?

She gazed back at me, begging me to save her. "Mean it. Please."

Did she think it was the only way out? Or did she still want it for herself? I couldn't … She wouldn't thank me for it. She would hate me! I loved her too much for that.

_I'll take care of it._

That thought was from Alice.

She said nothing aloud, but turned to Aro and walked towards him, her hand outstretched. I saw what was in her mind – the vision of Bella as a vampire. Of course! If Aro saw that, he should be convinced.

Aro's guard came forward as she approached, but Aro waved them away, and took Alice's offered hand eagerly. He bent over it and began to process everything in Alice's mind.

Even though he had already seen many of her visions when he had looked in my mind, Aro went through all of them again, sometimes replaying his favorites, taking in every facet of Alice's extraordinary ability. He grew more and more excited the more he saw.

_What an amazing, unique, wonderful talent! _he lauded.

He came to Alice's most common vision of Bella's future, the vision of her as a vampire. He watched it disappear as I left her, and then saw it come back. I worried for a moment – my resolve was clear. I would not allow Bella to become a vampire. Would the vision change? Would it alter to show me hiding her instead?

But it did not, and it took me a moment to realize why.

_You're such a fool, Edward. _

That thought, much to my surprise, was from Alice.

_I waited for you to agree to it, but you're too stubborn._

I could see the resolution that had formed in her mind. She flashed a scene from her journey here, a conversation with Bella. _Honestly, I think it's all gotten beyond ridiculous. I'm debating whether to just change you myself … _

I realized then that the vision of Bella as a vampire came not from Aro's decision, but from Alice's. She had decided to change Bella, regardless of what I thought. I ground my teeth, trying to stop myself from dragging her away from Aro in a rage.

It would still work, I reminded myself. Alice's decision would keep the vision stable, so that Aro would buy it, but I would never let her follow through on it.

I wondered if the vision would waver in the face of my determination to stop Alice.

It did not.

No matter. I would find a way to stop her. Bella would not be cursed with this existence.

Aro had finally, much to the relief of his unsettled guards, come to the end of Alice's visions. He considered replaying them all, but, aware of the many eyes on him, he laughed.

"That was _fascinating_!" He released Alice's hand and stepped back, gazing at her in wonder and desire. Although he tried to stifle his thoughts, it was clear he wanted Alice to join him more than he'd ever wanted anyone. He was sad at the thought of letting her walk away, but he decided to release her, hoping she might come back one day.

Alice smiled at him. "I'm glad you enjoyed it."

"To see the things you've seen – especially the ones that haven't happened yet!" Aro remarked, shaking his head in awe.

"But that will," she assured him.

"Yes, yes, it's quite determined. Certainly there's no problem."

His comment met with a barrage of angry thoughts which were reflected on more than one face, but Caius was the only one who dared complain aloud. "Aro."

Aro turned and smiled at him. "Dear Caius, do not fret. Think of the possibilities! They do not join us today, but we can always hope for the future. Imagine the joy young Alice alone would bring to our little household." _Much joy, indeed!_ "Besides, I'm so terribly curious to see how Bella turns out!"

I tried to hide my relief. Alice was still smiling at Aro, but Bella was unresponsive. Did she not realize we were free? I made it clear. "Then we are free to go now?"

"Yes, yes," Aro replied happily. "But please visit again." _Yes … soon._ "It's been absolutely enthralling!"

"And we will visit you as well," Caius declared ominously, "to be sure that you follow through on your side. Were I you, I would not delay too long. We do not offer second chances." _I doubt very much you'll do it,_ he thought, glaring at me, _and when you disobey, I'll tear you limb from limb myself._

I nodded to him, noticing Aro didn't pay much attention to our exchange. He was still busy running over Alice's visions in his head.

The guard were disappointed. Disappointed that they had been robbed of their chance to kill, and, in Felix's case, robbed of his chance to sate his thirst. He groaned.

Aro understood his frustration, and turned to him with a fatherly smile. "Ah, Felix, Heidi will be here at any moment. Patience."

I suddenly realized Aro was right. I could hear them now. The babble of thoughts, human thoughts, most with confused ideas of where they were going and why they were here.

This was not a good time for Bella to be in this room. "Hmm, in that case, perhaps we'd better leave sooner rather than later."

I was afraid that Aro would scoff at that suggestion, but fortunately, he agreed. "Yes. That's a good idea. Accidents _do_ happen. Please wait below until after dark, though, if you don't mind." _No more sunshine for you, Edward!_ He smiled pleasantly.

"Of course." I was only too happy to agree, as long as we got out of this room.

"And here," Aro continued, motioning to Felix to come to him. Aro removed his gray cloak and threw it to me. "Take this. You're a little conspicuous."

I put it on, seeing that he wouldn't let me leave until I had done so. I would get rid of it as soon as I could.

Aro sighed as he looked me over. "It suits you." _If only you were more reasonable. Never mind. I look to the future!_

I couldn't help but chuckle at that, and the fact that we were leaving at all, when I heard the humans coming closer. I looked over my shoulder, and thought I could see them about to enter the reception area. "Thank you, Aro. We'll wait below."

Alice twitched as their scent reached us. The Volturi could smell them as well. They were all starting to salivate. We had to get Bella out of here. Aro's eyes became brighter as he scented what would quench his thirst, and I could see he was distracted as he bid us goodbye.

"Let's go," I murmured to Alice.

Demetri led us, in a hurry to get us out. Not for Bella's sake, but because he was worried about missing out on dinner. _What a great time to leave_, he grumbled. _ I'll be lucky if anyone's left by the time I get back._

I was more than happy to move quickly. I wanted Bella as far away from this gathering as possible, and not just to keep her safe. I was hoping she wouldn't realize what was about to happen. She would be terrified.

Alice was flipping through visions. She could see the humans reaching the chamber, and Bella reacting to their terrified screams. And did one of the Volturi move out here …? I couldn't be sure.

"Not fast enough," Alice informed me.

I was angry with her for speaking, for Bella's eyes flashed up to hers in fear. Then she turned as the humans stared to enter the antechamber.

"Welcome, guests!" Aro called to them. "Welcome to Volterra!"

They were talking amongst themselves, some of them assuming this was the first part of their tour of classic architecture. Others, who had been duped by other means, were looking around them, confused.

_That's funny. This is the most unusual den I've ever seen. Where are the drugs? _

_The band was supposed to be here. Where are they?_

_Isn't this The Church of My Lady of the Rosary?_

This last was from a little Spanish woman, clutching her rosary in her hand as she looked around and started to plead with people to guide her to the priest. _I need to confess. What is this place? I don't like it here!_

She passed right by Bella, and Bella's face drained of all color. I pulled her face to my chest to hide this sight from her eyes, but it was too late. She knew why they were here.

The crowd parted for a moment, and I pushed Bella towards the back of the room. She was frozen with fear, and I could see the tears gathering in her eyes.

As we stepped back out into the hallway, I noticed that Heidi was waiting there, still draped in her scanty garb. It made her job easier, at least when she was trying to attract men into her web. She looked Bella over. _ She's not one of mine_, she thought. _Where did she come from?_

I worried for a moment she might try to cast her spell over Bella. I wondered if her ability would work on her, but I didn't want to risk it to find out.

Fortunately, Demetri's presence made Heidi realize Bella was not staying. "Welcome home, Heidi."

"Demetri," she said, casting her eyes over me. _Why the cloak? Is he a new member of the guard? Then why is he here with the human?_

"Nice fishing," Demetri said.

"Thanks," she replied, watching as he guided us past her. "Aren't you coming?"

"In a minute. Save a few for me."

_Hm, they must be important. But who is that human? And why is she _still_ human?_ Heidi thought as she went through the door.

I grabbed Bella's arm and walked as fast as I could to the end of the hall, trying to get her out in time. I should have picked her up and carried her, because we didn't make it. The screams began, and I saw Bella jerk with fear as the sound reached her ears. I considered picking her up and running as fast as I could, anything to keep her from the realization of what was happening behind us, but it was too late.


	7. Chapter 7

Demetri stayed with us until we reached the reception area. I had half expected him to follow after Heidi. But he stayed, although he could hardly keep his thoughts away from what was happening in the throne room.

"Do not leave until after dark," he cautioned us.

I nodded, but I don't think he even saw it. He was gone a moment later.

I ignored Gianna, who was looking me over and trying to work out what the cloak meant. I even ignored Alice, giving Bella all my attention.

Her eyes were like saucers and her face was a pasty white. Her breathing was coming fast and shallow, and I wasn't sure she even knew we were here.

"Are you all right?" I asked, trying to get some response from her.

"You'd better make her sit before she falls," Alice told me. "She's going to pieces."

Sure enough, Bella started shaking violently before Alice had even finished speaking, her arms flailing uncontrollably. Terrified sounds began to choke their way out of her throat and tears gushed down her face unrestrained.

"Ssh, Bella, shh," I whispered, leading her over to a sofa in the corner. I tried to shield the sight of her distress from the eyes of the curious human at the desk.

"I think she's having hysterics," Alice went on. "Maybe you should slap her."

But as Alice checked her visions for that, it didn't seem to do any good.

I sat down on the sofa and pulled Bella gently on to my lap. I tuck the cloak around her shaking form and held her close to me. "It's all right, you're safe, it's all right." I whispered it over and over again, trying to get the message through. She would not be harmed now. I would protect her.

It took a few minutes before she could even speak. "All those people," she sobbed, her tears drenching the cloak.

"I know."

"It's so horrible."

"Yes, it is. I wish you hadn't had to see that."

Her shaking began to lessen, and she leaned her head against my chest and tried to steady her breathing.

Gianna was approaching, trying to show her bosses how dedicated she was to her work. Like that would save her.

"Is there anything I can get you?" she asked, peering at Bella over my shoulder.

"No," I told her. I didn't want anything the fool could give us.

She smiled and went away, as if it was perfectly normal to talk to an aggressive vampire. I suppose it probably was normal for her, but there had to be something wrong with her to even think that way.

Bella watched her as she went back to her desk. "Does she know what's going on here?"

I wondered if I should keep that from her. I didn't see much point. I just hoped she wouldn't ask too much. "Yes. She knows everything."

"Does she know they're going to kill her someday?"

"She knows it's a possibility." I wasn't going to tell her that Gianna's fate was a foregone conclusion.

She gave me a glance and I could see the question in it. "She's hoping they'll decide to keep her," I explained.

The color that had only just returned to Bella's face disappeared. "She wants to be one of them?"

I nodded, wondering if that would be enough to make her realize how foolhardy it was to desire this existence.

It seemed she did understand, for she shuddered and looked at Gianna, her eyes uncomprehending. "How could she want that? How can she watch those people file through to that hideous room and want to be a part of _that_?"

I didn't mention that Bella herself had wanted to be a part of this not so long ago. I hoped this was a sign she had finally changed her mind.

She looked back at me, her eyes exploring my face, and the tears started flowing again. I was concerned for a moment, and opened my mouth to ask, when she threw herself against me.

"Oh, Edward," she cried between sobs.

"What's wrong?" I asked. Was she afraid they would drag her back in there?

She wrapped her arms around my neck. "Is it really sick for me to be happy right now?"

Relief flooded through me at her words. She was happy. I thought it likely she hadn't felt that way for some time, not if Alice's memories were anything to go by.

I held her to me as tightly as I dared. It was hard not to use all my strength. I so wanted her to know how I felt, but I had to remember her fragility. I felt exactly the same as she. "I know what you mean. But we have lots of reasons to be happy. For one, we're alive."

"Yes, that's a good one."

"And together," I said, looking at her beautiful face, which I had been deprived of for so long.

She lowered her eyes and nodded, looking afraid. I wondered why. Perhaps she was scared that the Volturi would yet end our lives, and banish us forever from each other's company.

I wasn't even sure I could be confident about that, although Alice had immediately begun searching our future, and the signs she saw were positive. "And, with any luck, we'll still be alive tomorrow."

"The outlook is quite good," Alice put in, examining her visions with satisfaction. "I'll see Jasper in less than twenty-four hours."

I hoped that vision would hold. I felt guilty, not just for exposing Bella to danger, but for dragging Alice away from her lover to the brink of death.

But finally, we had a moment, a moment when I could turn my eyes back to Bella. She was looking at me, her gaze full of longing, and my eyes roved over her face. She looked thin. She was pale and there were black circles under her eyes. I reached up to touch them. "You look so tired."

"And you look thirsty," she informed me, looking at the dark shadows under my own eyes.

In all honesty, I had forgotten my thirst. I thought about it for a moment. While my throat still burned at the smell of Bella's blood, the other reactions were gone. My muscles did not tense. My mouth did not fill with venom. I wondered why, but could only be glad that this savage reaction had ceased to plague me, if only for the moment. I hoped it would last.

"It's nothing," I assured her.

"Are you sure? I could sit with Alice." She didn't look willing to move, and I was less willing to let her.

"Don't be ridiculous," I replied. "I've never been in better control of _that_ side of my nature than right now."

Bella looked at me again, and seemed to be on the verge of saying something, but did not. I wondered if she was reluctant to speak in our present company. I was, too. I knew I owed her an enormous apology for not only forcing her to come here, but causing the ravages I could see on her face. These marks and the hunch of her shoulders were not the work of a few days. Obviously my departure had hurt her deeply, far more than I would have expected. The time for apologies was coming, but it would not be in front of any spectators, even Alice.

So I just sat cradling in her my arms, and Alice and I talked about how we would get home. I looked at Bella more than I looked at Alice, but I knew my sister understood.

I asked her how she had got here.

"We were lucky," she replied. An image of a yellow Porsche 911 Turbo passed through her mind and she sighed with pleasure. "We would never have gotten here in time if we'd taken one of the other cars on offer." She screwed up her nose and showed me the others she'd had to select from, and I was never more grateful that she'd had the opportunity to take the Porsche.

"I guess we'll have to steal another, then," I told her. "I doubt the 911 will be there when we get out."

She nodded. "I'll go and find one. I've also stashed Bella's bags just near the square, so I'll have to get those." She looked me up and down. "And as soon as we get to Florence, we'll ditch that cloak and buy you a decent shirt."

I smiled, but looked down at Bella. I was hoping she might be comfortable enough to sleep, but guessed that our surroundings were still a little too frightening for that. She continued to look at me, and I couldn't resist lowering my lips to her face at times. Brushing them against her forehead, her nose, and touching them to her hair, inhaling her and rejoicing in the burn that accompanied my every breath. I was with her again.

Perhaps it was Bella's presence that made the time pass swiftly. It did not seem like long before we heard Alec coming. I looked into his mind and could see his instructions were to release us, so there was nothing to worry about, it seemed, but I didn't like him near Bella anyway.

"You're free to leave now," he said, as he came up to us with a smile. "We ask that you don't linger in the city."

I wasn't going to match his civility. I didn't see the need. "That won't be a problem."

I could still hear thoughts from the rest of the Volturi, of course, and I could see that Aro was still examining Alice's visions with great interest. He was also watching us on the closed circuit TV as we got up to leave.

_Farewell, Edward,_ he thought. _I hope we'll meet again soon._

There was nothing but benevolence in his mind, but I did not trust those thoughts to last.

"Follow the right hallway around the corner to the first set of elevators," Gianna said, not that I needed the direction. I already knew which way to go. "The lobby is two floors down, and exits to the street. Goodbye now."

I looked at her, and wondered if I should warn her about her fate. There was no point, of course. Like Bella, she knew too much.

Alice looked into her future as we left. The end was not far for off her. She echoed my own thoughts. _Should we warn her?_

I shook my head. Alice, too, realized that there was no way out. Gianna's life would soon be over.

We left through the lobby, which was empty now, as all the workers were out enjoying the festival. We passed through them as quickly as Bella could manage. They still wore their red cloaks, and now many of the adults had donned plastic fangs themselves. I rolled my eyes. "Ridiculous."

Once we had made it through the square, Alice disappeared and went to fetch Bella's bags. Bella didn't notice her leave at first, and looked around in alarm. "Where's Alice?"

"She went to retrieve your bags from where she stashed them this morning."

Bella heaved a sigh of relief, and glanced sideways at me. "She's stealing a car, too, isn't she?"

I grinned. "Not till we're outside."

I could see that Bella was exhausted, and I held her close and supported most of her weight as we walked towards the edge of the city. I felt her body shudder as we passed through the gates, and I understood how she felt. We had escaped, but only just.

Alice had obtained a car – nothing fancy this time, just an average sedan – and I led Bella towards it and joined her in the backseat. I didn't want to drive. I wanted nothing that would divert my attention from Bella, even in the slightest degree.

Alice grimaced at the car. "I'm sorry, there wasn't much to choose from."

"That's fine, Alice," I assured her. "They can't all be 911 Turbos."

She sighed, images of the beautiful car again flashing through her mind. "I may have to acquire one of those legally. It was fabulous."

"I'll get you one for Christmas."

Alice was delighted. "Yellow," she instructed, as she drove down the hillside.

Now that we were on the way, I turned my attention back to Bella, who I still held close to my side. "You can sleep now, Bella. It's over."

She swallowed once, shuddered and lowered her eyes. "I don't want to sleep. I'm not tired."

I pressed my lips to the hollow under her ear. "Try."

But she shook her head. I didn't understand the reason for her refusal. I could see how exhausted she was. "You're still just as stubborn."

I couldn't make sense of her determination to stay awake, considering how tired she must have been. She didn't close her eyes once on the trip from Volterra back to Florence, and seemed to be going to great effort to ensure that she didn't. But since it meant that her beautiful eyes were almost always gazing at me, I found it hard to dissuade her.

I had thought she might sleep on the plane. She could hardly move her feet as we walked around Florence, finding me some new clothes and a convenient pile of trash where I could dump the cloak. The first leg of our journey wasn't very long, so she stayed awake throughout, but when we settled in to the long run from Rome to Atlanta, as soon as we were airborne she asked the stewardess to bring her a Coke.

"Bella." I knew she couldn't handle caffeine. Why was she so desperate not to sleep? She was so tired she could hardly stand!

"I don't want to sleep," she said. "If I close my eyes now, I'll see things I don't want to see. I'll have nightmares."

That was a very good point. I didn't want her enduring something like that, especially here in public. I knew that Bella talked in her sleep, and if she was having nightmares about the Volturi it wouldn't be good if she said anything aloud about them. I doubted anyone around us would understand what she meant, but still.

So she sat and looked at me for the duration of the flight. That did not trouble me; I couldn't keep my eyes away from her, either. I became oblivious to my sister, who was watching visions of her reunion with Jasper. Instead, I let my fingers traced Bella's beautiful heart-shaped face.

She touched my face too, but she seemed reluctant to do so. I wasn't sure why. She clearly still cared about me, in spite of how much I had hurt her. I could see it in her eyes. But there was a strange hesitation every time she reached for me, as if she was afraid I would suddenly vanish. Maybe she still found it hard to believe we had escaped with our lives.

I couldn't bring myself to make small talk; everything I had to say to Bella had such great import and I didn't think a plane was an appropriate place for a groveling apology. So I remained silent, as did she, until we landed at Sea-Tac.

Alice had seen that our family would be waiting for us at the airport. She had provided them with all the necessary details, so they were there to greet us when we made it through customs and out into the main airport traffic. Jasper was by Alice's side the instant he saw her, and they shared a private moment. Carlisle and Esme stood a little further away; Esme's relief at the sight of me was palpable.

_What do you think you were doing?_ she scolded. _Edward, how could you do that to me?_

As soon as she reached us she threw her arms around Bella – half around me, as well, as I refused to let go of her. "Thank you so much," she whispered, before she turned to me, and drew me into a hug.

"You will never put me through that again." She looked just a fierce as she did when she was hunting.

"Sorry, Mom," I replied, and I was sorry for causing her such pain. It was an unfortunate side effect of my existence, it seemed.

_Edward, Edward, _Carlisle sighed. _Please don't do anything like that again._ He too, had been distressed by my actions. It seemed everything I did hurt someone.

"Thank you, Bella," Carlisle said, turning towards her. "We owe you."

"Hardly," Bella mumbled. Her eyes were nearly closing, and she could barely put one foot in front of the other.

"She's dead on her feet," Esme told me severely. "Let's get her home."

Esme and I supported Bella all though the airport and out into the parking lot. It was a relief to realize that she would probably have to sleep now. She wouldn't be able to stop herself. Her eyes were more closed than open.

I was so caught up in Bella's condition that I didn't notice the other's thoughts until we had nearly reached them.

_Here he is at last. Bet he's got a story to tell. Damn, I wish I could've been there._ It was Emmett.

Rosalie was beside him. Much to my astonishment, the apologies in her head were genuine. _Edward, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen; you have to believe me. I only wanted my family back._

But it was difficult to give Rosalie so much as a courteous nod. If it hadn't been for her thoughtless action, none of this would have happened.

Esme saw my reaction to Rose and put her hand on my arm. "Don't. She feels awful."

"She should," I said, making sure Rosalie heard.

"It's not her fault," came Bella's exhausted voice from beside me.

"Let her make amends," Esme suggested. "We'll ride with Alice and Jasper."

The last thing I wanted to do was ride with Emmett and Rosalie. I didn't want Bella anywhere near my sister. If she so much as looked at her the wrong way …

Bella's bleary eyes looked up at me. "Please, Edward," she pleaded. She wanted me to agree to go with them. Bella never held a grudge.

I sighed and relented, leading her over to the car.

I helped Bella into the backseat and joined her there, happy to see that she instantly lowered her head onto my chest and closed her eyes. Finally, she was willing to sleep.

But, as Emmett started the car, Rosalie's voice broke the silence.

"Edward –" she began. She was planning to give a long testimony to her regret, wanting Bella to hear it all, so that she would know how sorry she was.

I wasn't going to have that. Bella needed her rest, and I wasn't going to have her deprived of it just to relieve Rosalie's conscience She could wait a little longer. "I know," I barked.

But Rose wasn't giving up. "Bella?"

It was probably the way Rosalie spoke that made me pause. She said Bella's name with respect and concern, so I decided to let her speak, as long as she kept it short.

Bella's eyes opened wide in surprise. She clearly hadn't missed Rosalie's tone; it was so different from the way Rosalie had always spoken to her before. "Yes, Rosalie?"

"I'm so very sorry, Bella. I feel wretched about every part of this, and so grateful that you were brave enough to go save my brother after what I did. Please say you'll forgive me."

"Of course, Rosalie," Bella replied softly. "It's not your fault at all. I'm the one who jumped off the damn cliff. Of course I forgive you."

Emmett chuckled at Bella's tired voice. "It doesn't count until she conscious, Rose."

"I'm conscious," Bella managed to reply, before her eyes closed again.

"Let her sleep," I ordered. The apologies were done now; it was time for silence.

Bella was asleep before the words were out of my mouth. I watched in relief as her breathing deepened and her face relaxed.

Rosalie didn't speak for the rest of our journey, although Emmett asked quite a few questions about my time in Volterra. I put him off until later; I didn't want to talk about it just yet – I was too busy gazing at Bella.

Jasper was driving just in front of us, holding hands with Alice, while Carlisle and Esme were in the back. I could hear their conversation and thoughts about what had occurred, but then Alice grew silent, and put her head back and closed her eyes, as if she was going to sleep.

_I can see that Bella's asleep now, Edward,_ she thought. _So I'd like to show you something._

With no further ado she brought a vivid memory to the forefront of her mind, and played it through for me.

It was from the morning after Bella had jumped off the cliff. Alice had stayed at the Swan house with Bella that night, and, getting up when Charlie awoke, while Bella was still sleeping, she went into the kitchen with him and pretended to eat the breakfast he prepared for her. They started with some small talk at first, but Alice was watching Charlie, who seemed to have aged a lot in the past seven months. There were some gray hairs on his sideburns, and his face was lined.

He had mentioned Bella being so happy to see Alice, but that had made him stumble over his words. It was clear he was worried about that.

"It is good to see you, Alice. I didn't think we'd see you again. And Bella … well, she was … cut up pretty bad when you left."

She guessed he was stopping himself from telling her too many details, so she gave him an opening. "How bad was it, Charlie?"

He sighed and ran his fingers over his head, as though trying to push the memory to the back of his mind. "Real bad."

"Tell me about it. I want to know exactly what happened when we left."

Charlie paused for a moment. It was clear he didn't want to talk about it. He delayed by putting the cereal box away and turning off the stove before he turned back to Alice.

"I've never felt so helpless," he said, his face lined with anguish. "I didn't know what to do. That first week – I thought I was going to have to hospitalize her. She wouldn't eat or drink, she wouldn't move. Dr. Gerandy was throwing around words like 'catatonic', but I didn't let him up to see her. I was afraid it would scare her."

"She snapped out of it though?" There was hopefulness in Alice's voice.

"I had Renee come to take her to Florida. I just didn't want to be the one … if she had to go to a hospital or something." Charlie leaned back against the bench and gazed at his feet. "I hoped being with her mother would help. But when we started packing her clothes, she woke up with a vengeance. I've never seen Bella throw a fit like that. She was never one for the tantrums, but, boy, did she fly into a fury. She threw her clothes everywhere and screamed that we couldn't make her leave – and then she finally started crying. I thought that would be the turning point. I didn't argue when she insisted on staying here … and she did seem to get better at first …" Charlie swallowed and shook his head.

"But?"

"She went back to school and work, she ate and slept and did her homework. She answered when someone asked her a direct question. But she was … empty. Her eyes were blank. There were lots of little things – she wouldn't listen to music anymore; I found a bunch of CDs broken in the trash. She didn't read; she wouldn't be in the same room when the TV was on, not that she watched it so much before. I finally figured it out – she was avoiding everything that might remind her of … him.

"We could hardly talk; I was so worried about saying something that would upset her – the littlest thing would make her flinch – and she never volunteered anything. She would just answer if I asked her something.

"She was alone all the time. She didn't call her friends back, and after a while, they stopped calling.

"It was night of the living dead around here. I can still hear her screaming in her sleep …"

I was glad when Charlie stopped talking, because I was reeling. But the memory continued. Alice heard a sound from the living room. Bella was awake and listening in. But she didn't reveal that to Charlie. She wanted to hear more.

"I'm so sorry, Charlie," she said.

"It's not _your_ fault," Charlie assured her, and it was clear who he blamed for all this. "You were always a good friend to her."

Alice's heart had twisted at this. _Not good enough, _she thought. _If I had been a good friend, I would have done something sooner. _"She seems better now, though," Alice said, prompting him for more. She thought again of how Bella had been when she had arrived.

Charlie became a little belligerent at that. "Yeah. Ever since she started hanging out with Jacob Black, I've noticed a real improvement." _The werewolf,_ Alice and I thought at the same time. _Great. _"She has some color in her cheeks when she comes home, some light in her eyes. She's happier. He's a year or so younger than her, and I know she used to think of him as a friend, but I think maybe it's something more now, or headed in that direction, anyway."

It was clear from the way Charlie spoke that he would be quite happy if Bella ended up marrying Jacob Black, and wanted Alice to warn me to stay away. "Jake's old for his years," he continued, as if to justify his daughter's apparent interest in someone so young. "He's taken care of his father physically the way Bella took care of her mother emotionally. It matured him. He's a good-looking kid, too – takes after his mom's side." He smiled momentarily. "He's good for Bella, you know."

"Then it's good that she has him," Alice replied. _I was hardly going to argue after all that, _Alice informed me in her thoughts.

But, when he saw that she agreed with him, Charlie sighed and lowered his head, his confidence fading. "Okay, so I guess that's overstating things. I don't know … even with Jacob, now and then I see something in her eyes, and I wonder if I've ever grasped how much pain she's really in. It's not normal, Alice, and it … it frightens me. Not normal at all. Not like someone … left her, but like someone died. I don't know if she's going to get over it – I'm not sure if it's in her nature to heal from something like this. She's always been such a constant little thing. She doesn't get past things or change her mind."

"She's one of a kind," Alice agreed. _Yes. One of a kind. Unlucky. Attracts danger like a magnet. Smells delicious to vampires. And we left her there unprotected!_

"And Alice …" Charlie continued, obviously thinking how to word something. "Now, you know how fond I am of you, and I can tell that she's happy to see you, but … I'm a little worried about what your visit will do to her."

"So am I, Charlie, so am I," Alice sighed. "I wouldn't have come if I'd had any idea. I'm sorry."

I knew Alice wasn't apologizing for coming now. She was apologizing for not coming _sooner_.

Charlie was quick to forgive her. I knew it would be a different matter with me. "Don't apologize, honey. Who knows? Maybe it will be good for her."

"I hope you're right."

Charlie finished off his cereal in the silence that followed, and Alice hid hers when he wasn't looking. Charlie would probably have been too distracted to notice anyway. It was clear that he was mulling over something else.

Eventually, he spoke up. "Alice, I have to ask you something."

Alice was pretty sure she knew what it was. "Go ahead."

Charlie's look became violent as he spoke, but he reined it in and was able to answer calmly. "He's not coming back to visit, too, is he?"

"He doesn't even know I'm here," Alice assured him. "The last time I spoke with him, he was in South America."

Charlie looked relieved, but more angry than before. It was clear he didn't want me back, but was annoyed by my cavalier abandonment of his daughter. "That's something, at least. Well, I hope he's enjoying himself."

I felt Alice's anger burn, although she tried to keep her reply calm. She knew that was not true. "I would make assumptions, Charlie."

Bella made it clear she was awake before they could say anything else, so Alice ended her memories, jolting me back to reality.

I looked down at Bella, sleeping in my arms. I saw the lines that ravaged her face. The careworn expression she had. I had thought these things were bad enough. I had been horrified by Alice's memory of Bella when she had first arrived. How frantic she was, desperately clawing Alice's arm and begging her not to leave. The lifelessness in her face, the pain there, screamed out in the memory.

That image on its own was enough to kill me, but now Alice's conversation with Charlie revealed something more. This Bella, the desperate, clawing, broken figure in Alice's memory, was Bella _greatly improved_. Charlie was relieved to see this Bella, because she was so much better than she had been.

What had I done?

I looked down at her face again, feeling waves of guilt crash over me. The sole reason I had left Bella was so that she could be happy. It had never occurred to me that not having me in her life would hurt her so much, certainly not like this. I had stayed away for seven agonizing months, torturing myself every moment, because I was convinced it was the best thing for Bella, and now I discovered that her pain had been as great as mine! I had tortured her. I had ruined her life!

I stroked her face, wishing my fingers could erase the pain and fatigue I could see there, but I doubted it would ever be removed now, not completely. I had damaged the very soul I had run away to protect.

I hardly noticed when we arrived within Forks' city limits, and I felt myself tense as we turned into Bella's street. My reception would not be pretty, if Charlie was at home. I wasn't sure if his presence would be good or not. While he needed to know she was safe, and she would be happy to know he was there, I knew he would be furious at the sight of me. I didn't have a problem with that – I deserved all the abuse he could give – but I knew it would distress Bella.

Charlie was home, and he saw the car pull up. From the foggy memories I could see it his head it seemed that he had taken a few days off work, hoping that Bella would return, and trying to find out where she had gone.

He came to the window, and I felt the shock in his mind when he saw me. The anger that followed was so strong that it, too, was easy to detect.

He sighed with relief when he saw her in the car and came out the door and strode down the walk. "Bella!"

I touched Bella's shoulder, about to lift her out of the car, when she heard her father's voice and stirred. "Charlie," she mumbled, trying to open her eyes.

"Shh," I whispered. "It's okay; you're home and safe. Just sleep."

I lifted her out of the car and turned to face Charlie. His face was beet red, his fists clenched and I received a distinct mental image of him punching me in the face. I hoped he wouldn't try it; he would break his hand.

He settled for bellowing at me. "I can't believe you have the nerve to show your face here."

"Stop it, Dad," Bella mumbled, rubbing her eyes.

Charlie didn't hear. He was too busy trying to keep his hands by his sides. "What's wrong with her?"

"She's just very tired, Charlie," I said, keeping my tone soft and calm. "Please let her rest."

"Don't tell me what to do!" he spat. "Give her to me. Get your hands off her!"

I tried to pass her to him, but Bella was having none of it. She held onto me, resisting Charlie's attempts to break her grip. "Cut it out, Dad," she said, scowling at him as well as she could when she was half asleep. "Be mad at _me_."

It was so like Bella to take the blame for all this on herself. But, in his agitated state, Charlie was quite happy to oblige her. "You bet I will be," he declared. "Get inside."

"'Kay. Let me down," Bella said.

Her voice was so uneven she could hardly speak. Could she possibly walk into the house by herself? I doubted it, and stayed close by her as she tried. She hadn't even put one foot in front of the other before she was falling.

I grabbed her before she could hit the ground. "Just let me get her upstairs, then I'll leave," I promised Charlie.

"No," Bella cried, and she held the collar of my shirt as if she'd never let go. It looked like she was blinking back tears.

She didn't need to worry. There was no way I was leaving her unguarded with Victoria on the loose. "I won't be far," I whispered in her ear.

Charlie was becoming impatient, so I strode quickly up the stairs to Bella's room. He opened the door for me, and then I lowered her gently on the bed. I wasn't sure she was even awake when I pried her fingers loose from my shirt.

Then I stepped away, turned and went straight down the stairs. Charlie was hard on my heels.

"You are not welcome here!" he told me as I passed through the front door. "You will never walk through this door again!" With that, he slammed it shut, but I could see him watching me through the window.

"I'm sorry," I said, loud enough for him to hear. I knew it wouldn't be enough, and I didn't expect it to be, but it needed to be said. I wondered if Charlie would ever forgive me for hurting his daughter. I doubted it.

But then, neither would I.


	8. Chapter 8

I rejoined Emmett and Rosalie, and we drove away from the Swan house, but I only waited until we were out of sight of any humans before I spoke. "Pull over. I'm getting out."

"You're not coming home?" Emmett was disappointed. "Come on, we want to hear what went down."

"Alice can tell you that," I reminded him. "And Victoria is here and hunting Bella. I'm not leaving her alone."

Emmett's eyes lit up. "Victoria's back?" _Cool! I thought I'd missed all the fun in Volterra, but now it looks like there might be some here!_

_That'll make him happy_, Rosalie thought sarcastically. She didn't need to read Emmett's mind to know what he was thinking, but she was trying to control any anger she felt at me for causing this situation. That was something new. I wondered how long it would last.

I leapt out of the car and disappeared into the nearby forest as they drove off, heading straight back to Bella's house. I hid in the forest behind their house; an unfortunate place for me to stay, as it was where I had stood the last time I was with Bella in Forks, and it was a painful memory.

However, I was in two minds about entering, especially while Charlie was home and awake. While I knew perfectly well that I could go in without him or anyone else seeing me, there was a reluctance. He was her father. I could feel the concern and relief at his daughter's return emanating from him. I wanted to give him some time to be with her without my presence, even though she was sleeping. It would be easy enough for me to guard the house from out here.

While standing there I noticed something else around me. The smell of werewolf. The wolves had been very active around Bella's house. I was relieved to discover that there was no trace of Victoria or any unfamiliar vampire nearby. But the wolves themselves were a concern, especially one in particular.

I had seen Jacob Black in Alice's mind. He had grown huge since the last time we had met, at the Prom last year. And now he was a werewolf. I sighed. Trust Bella to awake the primeval nature of the Quileutes with her presence. Her tendency to attract danger had attracted plenty, even after the vampires had left … well, most of the vampires, anyway.

So Jacob Black was a werewolf. But what else was he? What was he to Bella?

I had heard what Charlie had said about him. He had made Bella better. Certainly, he had kept her safe, so he deserved my thanks for that, but I couldn't deny I was jealous. There was a niggling doubt in my mind that Bella's hesitancy to touch me on the way home was because of her feelings for him. Perhaps she _had_ moved on.

But could it really be so? The Bella who had had lain in my arms during the plane flight looked more content than the Bella in Alice's memory. Whatever the reason for her hesitation, I was sure she still loved me. The only question was if it would be enough for her to forgive me for deserting her.

And, if she did forgive me, what then?

I knew I could never leave Bella again. I had been on the verge of returning anyway; it was simply too painful for me to be from her side. So, if she allowed me back into her life, what happened next?

I hoped our time in Volterra had made her realize how stupid it was to desire this life. She might be willing to become a vampire if Alice suggested it, but if I told Alice to butt out – and I wasn't sure she'd be confident enough of success to do it, anyway – perhaps Bella would be happy to leave it at that. I hoped that would be all it took to end Alice's vision of Bella's transformation.

So I would stay with Bella, and I would stay with her throughout her human life, as I had originally intended. It was no more ideal now than it had been then. She would never be able to enjoy a full relationship with me. As much as I wanted her, and I knew she had wanted me too, it was too dangerous to take our physical relationship where I wished it could go. I was too strong. I would kill her. So she would never have that fulfillment in her life.

She would never have children. Even if I had been able to make love to her, there would be no child to come from it – Carlisle's research into our physiognomy had confirmed that. Not that I wanted her to have a child of mine – I shuddered at the thought of what she would endure with a vampire child inside her – so she would miss out on parenthood, too.

It grieved me to take all this from her, but it seemed she couldn't live without me any more than I could live without her. I knew that my years with her would be fleeting, but they would have to be enough.

But Bella was still human. More constant than most humans, admittedly, but able to change. While she wanted me now, would I be enough – especially in this half-fulfilled relationship – in twenty years time? Would she want children then? Would she want the intimacy that could come from a sexual relationship? Could I stand in her way if that was what she wanted?

No, I couldn't. I wasn't sure if she ever would change, but it was human to do so, therefore it was possible she might.

I would explain everything to her. I would beg for her forgiveness. I would tell her what I had decided, and I would make it clear that she was free to walk away at any time, if that's what she wanted. It would kill me to allow that, but hopefully, if _she_ made the decision, I would be able to abide by it.

And, as always, I would end my life when hers ended.

Working through these things helped me pass the three long hours I waited outside, all the time arguing with myself about whether I should go in. Respect for Charlie began losing out, especially as I heard a low cry from Bella's room. Charlie heard it too, and I caught a flash from him of many times he had attended Bella when she'd had nightmares during my absence, _because_ of my absence. I heard him running up the stairs to check on her.

I could only see her dimly through his eyes, and although she was twitching, she was still asleep. She settled a little at the sound of Charlie's voice, and he left her, but it was the last straw for me.

I shimmied up the wall of her house to her window, relieved to discover that the window still opened quietly and smoothly. I wondered for a moment if someone else had been using it during my absence, but drove those thoughts from my mind as I saw Bella lying in her bed. Again she was moving restlessly, and I saw her shudder. Her hand reached out. "Edward," she whispered.

I shut the window and lowered myself onto the bed, gathering her into my arms. I heaved a sigh of relief as I did so. It was beautiful to be here again, with Bella so close to me, feeling her scent assault me and knowing that she was alive. Feeling her warmth against my skin.

Of course, I worried about how she would react to my presence when she awoke. Would she welcome me or kick me out? Would I have to beg? I would be more than happy to do so for as long as she wanted me to.

But if she had moved on …

I tried not to think about that. It helped that, at the moment I reached for her, she snuggled up to me, much as she had before.

"Edward," she whispered again.

"I'm here, love," I told her.

I cradled her sleeping form for hours, well into the night. The only time I left her side was when Charlie came to check on her. I darted into the closet and waited until he had gone, then came out and resumed my place beside her. She always welcomed me back with a sigh of my name.

She was not always quiet, though. It was clear she was having nightmares – about the Volturi, I hoped, not about me. Each time she grew restless, I held her closer and kissed her forehead or her hair, and she grew calm again.

I wondered what she would say to Charlie about a reason for her absence. I wracked my brains for a suitable excuse, but I could think of nothing. Why would she have disappeared with no contact with her father for three whole days? It was out of character for her, and I couldn't think of anything that Charlie would buy.

Finally, at about one in the morning, her breathing patterns changed. She began to grimace, as she usually did before she awoke. I kissed her gently on the forehead, hoping to ease her back to consciousness, and, after a few moments, she sighed and opened her eyes.

Her eyes met mine and widened in shock. "Oh!" she said, before throwing her hands over her eyes and turning away.

That wasn't a promising start.

She turned back a moment later, and gaped at me in astonishment, as if she was shocked that I was still there.

"Did I frighten you?" I asked. Maybe she _was_ upset I was here. Maybe she would ask me to leave. I steeled myself.

But she just looked at me wordlessly for a while, as if trying to work out what I was. My heart sank.

Then she blinked and groaned. "Oh, _crap_."

"What's wrong, Bella?"

She frowned at me, her eyebrows pulling together as she thought about something. And here I was, back to the old frustration of needing to know what was going on in her head. Never had it been more important than at this moment.

"I'm dead, right?" she asked me. "I _did_ drown. Crap, crap, crap! This is gonna kill Charlie."

Did she think she was in hell? That would explain why she was so upset. "You're not dead."

"Then why am I not waking up?"

"You _are_ awake, Bella."

She shook her head. "Sure, sure. That's what you want me to think. And then it will be worse when I do wake up. _If_ I wake up, which I won't because I'm dead. This is awful. Poor Charlie. And Renee and Jake …"

I flinched at the sound of his name, stated so casually amongst those she loved most. Would there still be a place for me in her heart after what I had done? "I can see why you confuse me with a nightmare, but I can't imagine what you could have done to wind up in hell. Did you commit many murders while I was away?"

She screwed up her nose. "Obviously not. If I was in hell, you wouldn't be with me."

I sighed. Had she finally realized I had no eternal destination?

She blinked again, and frowned once more, before turning away from me to the window for a moment. Then I felt her blush heat the air, and she cocked her head. "Did all that really happen then?"

"That depends," I replied, trying to smile. "If you're referring to us nearly being massacred in Italy, then, yes."

"How strange," she said as she considered that. "I really went to Italy. Did you know I'd never been farther east than Albuquerque?"

I rolled my eyes. Was she even aware of what she was saying? "Maybe you should go back to sleep. You're not coherent." I didn't want to make my apologies if I couldn't be sure she would comprehend them.

"I'm not tired anymore," she said, her voice becoming stronger. She looked at her clock. "What time is it? How long have I been sleeping?"

"It's just after one in the morning. So, about fourteen hours."

She stretched and groaned. "Charlie?"

"Sleeping," I confirmed. "You should probably know that I'm breaking the rules right now. Well, not technically, since he said I was never to walk through his door again, and I came through the window … But, still, the intent was clear." I tried to make my words sound light, but they were morose. I wondered if Bella would agree with her father's decision.

It didn't take long for me to find out. Bella's expression became outraged. "Charlie banned you from the house?"

Again, I tried to smile, but it was harder this time. "Did you expect anything else?"

Bella's gaze was furious for a moment, but, as usual, anger did not possess her for long. She looked down and began fiddling with her quilt.

I was worried at her silence. She looked uncomfortable. Was she about to hurl accusations at me? I knew it would trouble her to do so, but I deserved her condemnation.

Then she glanced up. "What's the story?"

"What do you mean?" Did she want to know why I had left when it was obvious I still loved her?

"What am I telling Charlie?" she went on. "What's my excuse for disappearing for … how long was I gone, anyway?"

"Just three days," I told her. "Actually, I was hoping you might have a good explanation. I've got nothing."

She groaned. "Fabulous."

"Well, maybe Alice will come up with something," I suggested. She was the most inventive of the family.

Bella nodded, and seemed relieved. But then she looked down again at the quilt, before glancing up hesitantly. I wondered what was on her mind. Fortunately, she did not keep me in suspense for too long.

"So," she said, "what have you been doing, up until three days ago?"

Her question was uttered casually, but there was an undercurrent of what sounded like desperation. I wasn't sure exactly what that meant, but it worried me. Nor did I want to tell her that, when I hadn't been curled up in a ball trying to live with the pain of being apart from her, I had been miles away hunting the very vampire who had been here, threatening to kill her. "Nothing terribly exciting."

She nodded as if I had confirmed something. "Of course not."

Had she realized what an abysmal failure I was? Not just at tracking, but at loving her and taking care of her, and for leaving her in the pit of misery she had fallen into on my departure. "Why are you making that face?"

"Well …" She pondered my question for a moment. "If you were, after all, just a dream, that's exactly the kind of thing you would say. My imagination must be used up."

She _still_ believed she was dreaming? That could account for why she wasn't yelling at me.

But she needed to know that this was real. I had to apologize to her, to tell her how sorry I was for hurting her so much. And anyway, it was probably about time I came clean on my failure to kill Victoria. "If I tell you, will you finally believe that you're not having a nightmare?"

"Nightmare!" she sniffed. Then she thought for a moment. "Maybe," she conceded. "If you tell me."

I didn't really want to tell her, so I hedged. "I was … hunting."

"Is that the best you can do?" she scoffed. "That definitely doesn't prove I'm awake."

It wouldn't work; I had to come clean. But I felt so guilty about not only leaving her, but failing to erase the danger Victoria posed. No, for failing to recognize how great that danger even was! "I wasn't hunting for food … I was actually trying my hand at … tracking. I'm not very good at it."

That caught her interest. "What were you tracking?"

Still I hedged. "Nothing of consequence."

"I don't understand."

Now I was confusing her. That wouldn't help her to believe that this was real. And I couldn't wait any longer. I needed to confess, to tell her what a worthless, useless failure I was, and how I had let her down in every way and hurt her so much in the process.

"I – I owe you an apology. No, of course, I owe you much, much more than that. But you have to know that I had no idea. I didn't realize the mess I was leaving behind. I thought that it was safe for you here. So safe."

As I spoke the words, I wondered why I had ever believed them. Since when had Bella been safe anywhere?

"I had no idea that Victoria –" I had to hold in a snarl as I said her name, "– would come back. I'll admit, when I saw her that one time, I was paying much more attention to James' thoughts. But I just didn't see that she had this kind of response in her. That she even had such a tie to him. I think I realize why now – she was so sure of him, the thought of him failing never occurred to her. It was her overconfidence that clouded her feelings about him – that kept me from seeing the depth of them, the bond there.

"Not that that's any excuse for what I left you to face. When I heard what you told Alice – what she saw herself – when I realized that you had to put your life in the hands of _werewolves_, immature, volatile, the worst thing out there besides Victoria herself –" I shuddered. "Please know that I had no idea of any of this. I feel sick, sick to my core, even now, when I can see and feel you safe in my arms. I am the most miserable excuse for –"

"Stop," she put in suddenly. Her eyes closed and an agonized look crossed her face. I froze. This was it, I was sure. This was when she would accuse me, tell me I had hurt her. Or, even worse, tell me she had moved on, and I had to let her go …

I didn't know how I would survive if she said that, but I knew I would have to try. It would be the best thing for her.

She drew her breath, and, with great difficulty, began to speak.

"Edward, this has to stop now. You can't think about things that way. You can't let this … this guilt … rule your life. You can't take responsibility for the things that happen to me here. None of it is your fault, it's just part of how life _is_ for me. So, if I trip in front of a bus or whatever it is next time, you have to realize that it's not your job to take the blame. You can't just go running off to Italy because you feel bad that you didn't save me. Even if I had jumped off that cliff to die, that would have been my choice, and _not your fault_. I know it's your … your nature to shoulder the blame for everything, but you really can't let that make you go to such extremes! It's very irresponsible – think of Esme and Carlisle and –"

At first her words filled me with dismay, as it sounded like she was dismissing me from her life, but, as she continued, I suddenly realized that her words, although they sounded dispassionate, were not that way because she didn't care for me. It was because she thought I had only gone to Volterra because I felt guilty that I hadn't swooped in to save her.

Couldn't she remember what I had always told her? Surely she knew this world had no meaning for me if she wasn't in it!

"Isabella Marie Swan," I said, trying to keep my temper under control, "do you really believe that I asked the Volturi to kill me _because I felt guilty_?"

She blinked at me, confused. "Didn't you?"

Could she really doubt that too? "Feel guilty? Intensely so. More than you can comprehend."

Her eyebrows pulled together. "Then … what are you saying? I don't understand."

I repressed a sigh. She really didn't understand. How could I make her see?

I tried to speak calmly. "Bella, I went to the Volturi because I thought you were dead. Even if I'd had no hand in your death." I shuddered involuntarily at the thought that I had nearly caused it. "Even if it _wasn't_ my fault, I would have gone to Italy. Obviously, I should have been more careful – I should have spoken to Alice directly, rather than accepting it secondhand from Rosalie. But, really, what was I supposed to think when the boy said Charlie was at the funeral? What are the odds?

"The odds … the odds are always stacked against us. Mistake after mistake. I'll never criticize Romeo again."

I shook my head, and tried to decipher the expression on Bella's face. She didn't look any less confused than she had before. "But I still don't understand. That's my whole point. So what?"

What did that mean? "Excuse me?"

"So what if I _was_ dead?"

I gaped at her. How many times had I said it? How many more times would I have to say it? I couldn't exist without her! She was my whole life! "Don't you remember anything I told you before?"

"I remember _everything_ that you told me," she retorted, her face twisting in pain.

A memory crept to the forefront of my mind. Bella, standing still and white in the forest, accepting the fact that I didn't want her anymore without a fight.

Her lip began to tremble, and I feared that she might cry. I reached out and brushed it with my finger, feeling her softness and warmth, as I realized what she meant. I had noticed the accent on her words: she remembered _everything_ I had told her. I had told her that I didn't want her, and she believed me, even now.

I reminded myself of how fragile she was, and made my reply as gentle as possible. Her belief in this lie was probably a result of the pain I had caused her. My fault, not hers. "Bella, you seem to be under a misapprehension. I thought I'd explained it clearly before. Bella, I can't live in a word where you don't exist."

The fog didn't clear from her expression. "I am … confused."

She still didn't believe me. Maybe it was difficult for her to understand how well some people could lie, when she couldn't do so herself.

"I'm a good liar, Bella," I explained. "I have to be."

Her face went white and she took a deep breath. I could have sworn she was preparing for a death blow. I put my hand on her shoulder, hoping my touch would reassure her. I shook gently; it burned me to see her in so much pain. "Let me finish!" I pleaded. "I'm a good liar, but still, for you to believe me so quickly." It hurt to remember that moment. "That was … excruciating."

She didn't move or speak, nor did her expression change. I hoped she was listening.

"When we were in the forest," I continued, "when I was telling you goodbye … You weren't going to let go. I could see that. I didn't want to do it – it felt like it would kill me to do it – but I knew that if I couldn't convince you that I didn't love you anymore, it would just take you that much longer to get on with your life. I hoped that, if you thought _I'd_ moved on, so would you."

"A clean break," she whispered, unmoving.

"Exactly. But I never imagined it would be so easy to do!" I couldn't help but let some of my own pain and frustration leak into my voice. "I thought it would be next to impossible – that you would be so sure of the truth that I would have to lie through my teeth for hours to even plant the seed of doubt in your head. I lied, and I'm so sorry – sorry because I hurt you, sorry because it was a worthless effort. Sorry that I couldn't protect you from what I am. I lied to save you, and it didn't work. I'm sorry."

And finally, I could ask the question that had tortured me for seven months. "But how could you believe me? After all the thousand times I've told you I love you, how could you let one word break your faith in me? I could see it in your eyes, that you honestly _believed_ that I didn't want you anymore. The most absurd, ridiculous concept – as if there were any way that _I_ could exist without needing _you_!"

She didn't respond in any way. I gave her another gentle shake, hoping that some response would come. I needed one. "Bella, really, what were you thinking?"

A moment later her face crumpled and tears began to streak down her cheeks. "I knew it," she sobbed. "I _knew_ I was dreaming."

Why was it so difficult for her to see that I loved her? "You're impossible." I tried to laugh, although nothing about this was funny. "How can I put this so that you'll believe me? You're not asleep, and you're not dead. I'm here, and I love you. I _have_ always loved you, and I _will_ always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away. When I told you that I didn't want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy."

Her shoulders stayed dropped, and tears continued to fall from her eyes. It seemed she couldn't accept what I was saying.

"You don't believe me, do you?" I asked. "Why can you believe the lie, but not the truth?"

She shrugged a little. "It never made sense for you to love me. I always knew that."

I knew she wouldn't listen if I told her that she had that the wrong way around. It had never been amazing that the monster would love someone so pure and good, but that she would return his love.

I looked at her face, the tears still falling from her eyes. Did she still think she was dreaming? Was this why she couldn't accept my love was real? I had to make her see. I had to make her realize that both were real. She was awake and I loved her. I would always love her.

Bella's lips had been calling to me ever since she had found me in Volterra, but the time had not been right. Now I had confessed, and I believed that she still cared for me. I could wait no longer.

"I'll prove you're awake," I assured her, taking her face in my hands.

She closed her eyes for a moment, then shuddered and opened them again. "Please don't."

I gave her a cautious look. "Why not?"

"When I wake up," she began, but then changed tack when she saw I was about to object. "Okay, forget that one – when you leave again, it's going to be hard enough without this, too."

She looked down, the tears on her face shining in the moonlight. Why was she trying to keep me at arm's length? Was it because the pain I had inflicted on her was too great for her to risk her heart on me again, or because of someone else?

I tried to put my feelings into words. "Yesterday, when I would touch you, you were so … hesitant, so careful, and yet still the same. I need to know why. Is it because I'm too late? Because I've hurt you too much? Because you _have_ moved on, as I meant for you to? That would be … quite fair. I won't contest your decision. So don't try to spare my feelings, please – just tell me now whether or not you can still love me, after everything I've done to you. Can you?"

I waited in anguish for her answer.

She gazed back at me, her face troubled, and at first I feared the worst.

But then she asked, "What kind of idiotic question is that?"

One that needed answering. "Just answer it. Please."

I could hardly stand the suspense, especially as her face became frustrated, but she surprised me. With a spark in her eyes, she finally replied, "The way I feel about you will never change. Of course I love you – and there's nothing you can do about it!"

Relief coursed through me, and I knew there was no need to hold back anymore. "That's all I needed to hear."

With that, I brought her mouth to mine, feeling once more the softness and warmth of her skin on my lips. I noticed with relief how little her scent bothered me – no venom in my mouth, no tensing of my muscles to remind me of what I was. I tried to keep in mind that I needed to be gentle, but, as she responded to my touch, it was difficult not to strain her body to mine, and feel all the silky softness of her form in line with my marble frame. She pulled me closer and explored my face with her hands. I ran my fingers over her beautiful features and wiped the traces of tears from her cheeks.

"Bella," I whispered, "Bella, my love. Bella …"

It wasn't long before she was running out of air, so I released her and laid my head against her heart, listening to it slow. It was such a relief to hear it, to know that she was alive. I would do my utmost to keep it beating for as long as possible. I would never, ever leave her side again.

Did she realize that? Had I gotten through to her? Not from what I had heard; she had said _when you leave_ … She seemed convinced that I intended to go sometime. Did she still not believe what I said?

"By the way," I told her, "I'm not leaving you."

She made no reply, but I heard her breath hitch. I lifted my head to look at her. Her eyes were wary; she didn't believe me, that much was clear.

"I'm not going anywhere. Not without you," I assured her. "I only left you in the first place because I wanted you to have a chance at a normal, happy, human life. I could see what I was doing to you – keeping you constantly on the edge of danger, taking you away from the world you belonged in, risking your life every moment I was with you. So I had to try. I had to do _something_, and it seemed like leaving was the only way. If I hadn't thought you would be better off, I could have never made myself leave. I'm much too selfish. Only _you_ could be more important than what I wanted … what I needed. What I want and need is to be with you, and I know I'll never be strong enough to leave again. I have too many excuses to say – thank heaven for that! It seems you can't be safe, no matter how many miles I put between us."

"Don't promise me anything," she whispered, and I could hear the pain in her voice.

I started to get angry. "Do you think I'm lying to you now?"

I watched as she thought through her answer. "No – not lying. You could mean it … now. But what about tomorrow, when you think about all the reasons you left in the first place? Or next month, when Jasper takes a snap at me?"

I winced at that. I had told her before that I would stay with her – although it had always been on the condition that it was the best thing for her. And I had used that condition to leave her.

"It isn't as if you hadn't through the first decision through, is it?" she surmised. "You'll end up doing what you think is right."

She thought I was so strong. Strong enough to live without her, if that's what it took. I had thought I could manage it too, although I had never thought it would be easy.

But Bella didn't know how close it had been … "I'm not as strong as you give me credit for. Right and wrong have ceased to mean much to me; I was coming back anyway. Before Rosalie told me the news, I was already past trying to live through one week at a time, or even one day. I was fighting to make it through a single hour. It was only a matter of time – and not much of it – before I showed up at your window and begged you to take me back. I'd be happy to beg now, if you'd like that."

I was prepared to fall on my knees before her at her command, but she only frowned at me. "Be serious, please."

"Oh I am." I was getting angry again. "Will you please try to hear what I'm telling you? Will you let me attempt to explain what you mean to me?"

I waited until I was sure her tired eyes were focused on mine, then I began.

"Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars – points of light and reason … And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything."

I could see the longing in her eyes warring with her detachment. She wanted to believe me, but she was scared to, I thought.

She looked away from the intensity of my gaze. "Your eyes will adjust."

"That's just the problem – they can't."

"What about your distractions?"

I laughed darkly. Like anything could distract me from her. "Just part of the lie, love. There was no distraction from the … the _agony_. My heart hasn't beat in almost ninety years, but this was different. It was like my heart was gone – like I was hollow. Like I'd left everything that was inside me here with you."

"That's funny."

"Funny?"

"I meant strange," she explained. "I thought it was just me. Lots of pieces of me went missing, too. I haven't been able to really breathe in so long." She drew in a deep breath, as if to illustrate the difference. "And my heart. That was definitely lost."

I brought her body close to mine again, laying my ear on her chest. I breathed in her scent and listened to the steady thump of her heart. I felt her – still hesitant – lower her head to mine and lay her cheek on my hair. She was drawing in my scent as well. I couldn't help but feel she was drawing it in to memorize it. I sighed. She still doubted me.

"Tracking wasn't a distraction, then?" she asked.

"No. That was never a distraction. It was an obligation." I wanted her to know this now. To have more proof that my thoughts were never away from her, even while I was gone.

"What does that mean?"

"It means that, even though I never expected any danger from Victoria, I wasn't going to let her get away with …" I paused in frustration as Bella gasped. How would she feel about my revelation, especially since I had failed so abysmally? "Well, like I said, I was horrible at it. I traced her as far as Texas, but then I followed a false lead down to Brazil – and really she came here. I wasn't even on the right continent! And all the while, worse than my worst fears –"

"You were hunting _Victoria_?" Bella shrieked. We both paused for a moment as we heard the abrupt end of Charlie's snore. He was almost pulled out of the hazy dream I could see surrounding him, but fortunately, he fell back under its spell and the snore resumed.

"Not well," I admitted. "But I'll do better this time." I had formed my resolve as soon as we had escaped the Volturi. "She won't be tainting perfectly good air by breathing in and out for much longer."

Bella looked at me in fury. "That is … out of the question."

I frowned. I didn't understand why she would forbid me to kill Victoria. Did she think she would just go away? If Victoria was hellbent on avenging James' death, she wasn't going to stop. Maybe Bella didn't realize how far a vampire would take this kind of thing. "It's too late for her. I might have let the other time slide, but not now, not after –"

"Didn't you just promise that you weren't going to leave?" she put in, and I could hear desperation in her voice. She wanted me to stay. My frozen heart would have skipped a beat if it could. "That isn't exactly compatible with an extended tracking expedition, is it?"

But I wasn't going to let this go. I couldn't. Victoria would not give up. And it wasn't going to cause me a moment's regret to end her life, not after what she'd done. "I will keep my promise, Bella. But Victoria is going to die," I snarled. "Soon."

"Let's not be hasty," she said quickly. "Maybe she's not coming back. Jake's pack probably scared her off. There's really no reason to go looking for her. Besides, I've got bigger problems than Victoria."

I was unhappy that she had mentioned _him_, but at least she recognized that he was a danger. "It's true. The werewolves are a problem."

Bella snorted at my words. "I wasn't talking about _Jacob_. My problems are a lot worse than a handful of adolescent wolves getting themselves into trouble."

So if it wasn't Victoria or the wolves … "Really? Then what would be your greatest problem? That would make Victoria's returning for you seem like such an inconsequential matter in comparison?" I was sure I knew the answer.

"How about the second greatest?" she qualified, after a moment's hesitation.

I frowned. I had thought we were talking about the Volturi, but what would rank as a higher threat than them?

Bella lowered her head and her voice. "There are others who are coming to look for me."

So it _was_ the Volturi she was thinking of. But … "The Volturi are only the _second_ greatest?"

"You don't seem that upset about it."

I wasn't as concerned as she, that was certain, but I knew the Volturi better than she did, and I also had a plan for keeping them away from her.

"Well, we have plenty of time to think it through," I told her, trying to keep my voice light. "Time means something very different to them than it does to you, or even me. They count years the way you count days. I wouldn't be surprised if you were thirty before you crossed their minds again."

Bella started at my words, and, much to my surprise, tears appeared her eyes again.

I hurried to reassure her. "You don't have to be afraid. I won't let them hurt you."

"While you're here," she replied in a broken voice.

I took her face in my hands and held her gaze in mine. "I will never leave you again."

"But you said _thirty_," she whispered, tears falling from her eyes. "What? You're going to stay, but let me get all old anyway? Right."

She still wanted that, after all she'd seen in Volterra? I felt like I should be angry with her, but,as I looked at her heartbroken face, my anger melted away. She was convinced, for some reason, that my unwillingness to turn her was a sign I was intending to leave.

I tried to answer softly as I explained. "That's exactly what I'm going to do. What choice have I? I cannot be without you, but I will not destroy your soul."

"Is this really …" she began, before cutting herself off. She cast down her eyes, although I could see the pain in them.

"Yes?" I prompted.

Raising her eyes to mine again, she spoke, "But what about when I get so old that people think I'm your mother? Your _grandmother_?"

I took her face in my hands again and kissed away her tears. She did not yet understand the depth of my love for her. I had to explain it _right_ this time. "That doesn't mean anything to me. You will always be the most beautiful thing in my world."

But that was the case for me, a vampire, who could not change, but, as I had realized earlier, it wouldn't necessarily always be the case for her. I had to let her know that she was free.

"Of course …" I continued, unable to keep from wincing at the thought of being apart from her again, "if you outgrew me – if you wanted something more – I would understand that, Bella. I promise I wouldn't stand in your way if you wanted to leave me."

She looked at me incredulously. Did she think it would be easy for me to walk way? Heaven forbid!

"You do realize that I'll die eventually, right?" she added in a low voice.

Of course I had. "I'll follow after as soon as I can."

She scowled at me. "That is seriously … sick."

No it wasn't. Or, if it was, it was an unfortunate side effect of our very unnatural relationship. As much as I loved her, as much as she loved me, vampires and humans were not meant to relate this way. What else could I do? "Bella, it's the only right way left –"

"Let's just back up for a minute," she put in, her voice growing angry. "You do remember the Volturi, right? I can't stay human forever. They'll kill me. Even if they don't think of me till I'm _thirty_," she spat, "do you really think they'll forget?"

"No, they won't forget. But …"

"But?"

I grinned at her in triumph. "I have a few plans."

She didn't look relieved or even happy. She looked furious. "And these plans, these plans all center around me staying _human_."

We were back to square one. I'd thought that seeing forty or so humans sacrificed to the thirst of our rulers would have gone some way to extinguishing this desire. Apparently not.

"Naturally," I replied. I was not going to bend on this.

Bella and I glared at each other for a long moment, before she sat up and pushed me away from her.

I tried not to let the rejection sting me. If she sent me away because of this, it was her decision, and I had to abide by it. "Do you want me to leave?"

She looked at me for a moment before replying, "No. _I'm_ leaving."

"Where are you going?"

I watched her as she fumbled around in the dark, narrowing her eyes as she tried to find something. Her shoes, probably. Or her car keys? Was the truck still going? "I'm going to your house."

I ground my teeth. I'd started to think she might do that.

I picked up her shoes and considered hiding them, but I knew I wouldn't be able to keep her away forever.

"Here are your shoes," I said, handing them over. "How do you plan to get there?"

"My truck." She had already found the keys.

"That will probably wake Charlie." I doubted he could sleep through the deafening roar of its engine.

She sighed. "I know. But honestly, I'll be ground for weeks as it is. How much more trouble can I really get in?"

"None," I assured her. "He'll blame me, not you."

"If you have a better idea, I'm all ears."

"Stay here," I said, but I was pretty sure there was no hope of that.

"No dice. But you go ahead and make yourself at home."

With that, she turned and headed for the door.

I couldn't stop myself from blocking her. She looked at me for a moment, then turned her gaze to the window! I couldn't believe it when she went and leaned out, as if trying to judge if she could jump down.

I sighed. There was no way I was going to let her see Alice alone. Who knew what would happen? "Okay. I'll give you a ride."

She didn't look concerned. "Either way. But you probably _should_ be there, too."

"And why is that?"

"Because you're extraordinarily opinionated, and I'm sure you'll want the chance to air your views."

I did not like the sound of that. "My views on which subject?"

She did not flinch from my angry glare, but stared back, hands on hips. "This isn't just about you anymore. You're not the center of the universe, you know. If you're going to bring the Volturi down on us over something as stupid as leaving me human, then your family ought to have a say."

_Something as stupid? _That was a matter of opinion! "A say in what?"

"My mortality. I'm putting it to a vote."


	9. Chapter 9

I considered preventing Bella from leaving. But I couldn't keep her away from my family forever, especially since Victoria needed to be dealt with.

And if I went, I could provide an alternative viewpoint, although I was determined not to abide by their decision, regardless. But I couldn't let her go by herself. Who knew what would happen, especially if they agreed with her!

I picked her up and leapt silently out of the window with her in my arms. Then, unable to keep the disapproval out of my voice, I put her down so she could climb on my back. "All right, then. Up you go."

I ran in silence for a while, hoping it wasn't making Bella sick, as I hadn't reminded her to close her eyes. However, I could see her face out of the corner of my eye, and she seemed to be enjoying it, leaning over my shoulder, her eyes eager.

I thought about what we were going to do and wondered if I would have any allies amongst my family. Obviously Alice was going to side with Bella – her decision told me that much – but what about everyone else?

This was the one time I knew I could count on Rosalie. She hated the vampire life, and wasn't that fond of Bella, either. I was sure she would never vote for anyone to become a vampire, and she would probably think Bella was crazy for doing this.

I might also get Emmett, especially when he heard my plan for protecting Bella against the Volturi when they came. He would be in on anything that meant a fight, regardless of the force that came against us. For this reason, Jasper might vote my way too, although I knew he had a healthy respect – even fear – of the Volturi that might make him reluctant to bring their wrath down upon us all. Not to mention the fact that his wife would be in favor of the change. That might sway him on its own.

Esme I was unsure of. She cared a great deal for both Bella and me, and I worried that my headlong dash to Volterra might sway her in Bella's direction. Carlisle might think the same way. But I knew he had resisted a suggestion from Bella that he change her himself because he knew how I felt about it. I trusted that would still hold true. And as he was the only other member of my family who was capable of changing her – in spite of her promise, I didn't think Alice would be brave enough to try – I felt sure that that job would fall, once again, to me, which meant it wasn't going to happen.

I heard Bella sigh, and, to my surprise and delight, she pressed her lips to my neck. A feeling of warmth trickled through my veins. Did she finally believe what I had said? Or perhaps she had just come to the conclusion this was all too vivid to be a dream.

"Thank you," I said. "Does that mean you've decided you're awake?"

She laughed, and my heart warmed at the genuine, care-free nature of it. "Not really," she told me. "More that, either way, I'm not trying to wake up. Not tonight."

That brought me down again. She still didn't believe in me. "I'll earn your trust back somehow. If it's my final act."

"I trust _you_," she replied. "It's me I don't trust."

We were nearly at my house, so I slowed and turned my head to her. I didn't understand what she meant by that. Or was it just something she was saying to make me feel better? _It's not you, it's me … _ "Explain that, please."

She paused for a moment, searching for the words. "Well, I don't trust myself to be … enough. To deserve you. There's nothing about me that could _hold_ you."

I couldn't believe she was still thinking this way. I suppose it was understandable – she hadn't known how I really felt when I had left, so she assumed that it meant that I didn't want her – but surely all I had told her tonight would have made it clear how much I loved her. There's no denying it hurt.

I stopped walking and took her off my back, setting her on her feet in front of me and drawing her near. I held her against my chest for a moment before I whispered in her ear. "Your hold is permanent and unbreakable. Never doubt that."

She looked down at her feet, and I knew what I'd said was still not enough. "You never did tell me …" I began, as I ran over our conversation in her room once more.

"What?"

"What your greatest problem is." What could rank higher than the Volturi?

She sighed and smiled sadly. "I'll give you one guess." She touched my nose with the tip of her finger.

Ouch. "I'm worse than the Volturi. I guess I've earned that." And I had. I had left her bleeding on the inside, and I didn't know what would stitch her up again. Was there anything I could say or do that would ever make it right?

She rolled her eyes at me as if that conclusion was obvious. That made it worse.

"The worst the Volturi can do is kill me," she replied. "You can leave me. The Volturi, Victoria … they're nothing compared to that."

I couldn't answer her. I knew her lack of trust in me was justified. And I knew I deserved my place on the podium of her troubles – first place. I had hurt her more deeply than the vicious creatures who wanted to take her life.

Again, here it was. I was the monster. The monster destined to destroy her. But I had already done so, in the worst way.

Her eyes softened as she read my face, and she reached up to touch it. "Don't. Don't be sad."

I tried to make my expression happier, if only because she wanted it, but I couldn't. Everything seemed hopeless. "If there was only some way to make you see that I _can't_ leave you. Time, I suppose, will be the way to convince you."

"Okay," she agreed. But she still didn't look like she trusted it to last.

For the first time, I wished that she could read _my_ mind, instead of me always wanting to read hers. So that she could see how sincere I was. So that I could show her the misery I had suffered in her absence, and what I'd really been thinking when I'd spoken the words that had hurt her so much.

She was upset by my distress, but I couldn't make myself look any different. So she took on a lighter tone, in an effort to try and make me happy again, I thought. "So, since you're staying. Can I have my stuff back?"

That's right. Her photos. The photo of the two of us – the one she had mangled so that I was visible and she was not. I had straightened it out and carried the memory of her face in that photo all the time I was away. The CD of my music. The plane tickets.

I laughed. I had wondered if she would have ever found them on her own, both dreading and hoping she would. "Your things were never gone," I explained. "I knew it was wrong, since I promised you peace without reminders. It was stupid and childish, but I wanted to leave something of myself with you. The CD, the picture, the tickets – they're all under your floorboards."

"Really?" She seemed delighted by this revelation, and my mood brightened, just a little.

Then she frowned, deep in thought.

"I think," she said eventually, "I'm not sure, but I wonder … I think maybe I knew it the whole time."

"What did you know?" I asked. I tried not to get my hopes up, but could it be that she finally realized what she meant to me?

Some realization lit her face, and I could see her thinking it through. "Some part of me, my subconscious maybe, never stopped believing that you still cared whether I lived or died. That's probably why I was hearing the voices."

That brought me up short. "Voices?"

She looked hesitant to enlarge on what she had said, but the look on my face must have made her realize that I needed to know. "Well, just one voice. Yours. It's a long story," she sighed and looked away.

I wasn't letting her stop there. "I've got time." She'd heard _my_ voice? What had I said? Had my departure driven her to the brink of insanity?

"It's pretty pathetic," she confessed, still trying to get out of telling me the whole story, but I waited, looking at her expectantly.

With great reluctance, she finally spoke. "Do you remember what Alice said about extreme sports?"

Yes, I certainly did. Bella the daredevil. "You jumped off a cliff for fun." That concerned me no end.

"Er, right," she said, still hesitant. "And before that, with the motorcycle –"

"Motorcycle?" I tried to keep my voice calm, but I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Cautious, responsible Bella; clumsy, unlucky Bella, had been riding a _motorcycle_?

She laughed nervously. "I guess I didn't tell Alice about that part."

"No." I would never have forgotten _that_.

"Well, about that … See, I found that … when I was doing something dangerous or stupid … I could remember you more clearly. I could remember how your voice sounded when you were angry. I could hear it, like you were standing right there next to me. Mostly I tried not to think about you, but this didn't hurt so much – it was like you were protecting me again. Like you didn't want me to be hurt.

"And, well, I wonder if the reason I could hear you so clearly was because, underneath it all, I always knew that you hadn't stopped loving me."

I almost missed the last part, distracted as I was by the realization that Bella had been riding motorcycles and throwing herself off cliffs because it triggered a response in her that sounded like me. She had been so desperate for my presence in her life she had put herself in danger, time and again, just to feel close to me. "You … were … risking your life to hear –"

But she wasn't looking at me anymore. She was concentrating on something else, her brows knitted together. "Shh. Hold on a second. I think I'm having an epiphany here."

I waited anxiously for her to speak again, hoping that she wasn't hearing my voice in her head, or some other voice now, telling her to do things. But did I really think that Bella had lost her mind? Or was she right? Had it been a subconscious impression trying to communicate the reality of my love to her?

"Oh!" she said, delight dawning on her face.

"Bella?"

"Oh. Okay, I see."

"Your epiphany?" I prompted.

A smile lit her features. "You love me," she declared, turning her beautiful eyes to mine.

This was what I wanted to hear. "Truly, I do."

Joy and conviction appeared on her face, making her so beautiful that I could not resist her. I drew her close to me once again and put my lips to hers, feeling their silkiness against my cold, stone mouth, and relishing in the warmth and response I could feel.

Finally, I released her, and she and I were both gasping for breath. I was so relieved that her epiphany seemed to have finally gotten the message through. Even if it took strange voices and risky experiences for her to realize it, I was glad the truth had dawned in the end. And how could I criticize her for reacting this way? She had still done better than me. She had stayed with her father and tried to live for him. I had run away from everyone.

"You were better at it than I was, you know," I said.

"Better at what?"

"Surviving. You, at least, made an effort. You got up in the morning, tried to be normal for Charlie, followed the pattern of your life. When I wasn't actively tracking, I was … totally useless. I couldn't be around my family – I couldn't be around anyone. I'm embarrassed to admit that I more or less curled up into a ball and let the misery have me. It was much more pathetic than hearing voices. And, of course, you know I do that, too."

She smiled. "I only heard one voice."

I laughed at that and pulled her close to me, before leading her towards the house. Best to get this all over with.

"I'm just humoring you with this," I cautioned her. "It doesn't matter in the slightest what they say."

"This affects them now, too."

I shrugged, although I didn't want to think about what she said. Even if I hid Bella and the rest of my family remained ignorant to her whereabouts, would Aro leave them in peace? If he wanted to continue being seen as the benevolent leader, yes. But would his desire for Bella's transformation override that? I didn't think so. He didn't consider her _that_ important.

But he did consider _Alice_ that important …

I put that out of my mind. I couldn't let it influence such an important decision as this.

I led Bella into the dark house. My family were all at home – I could sense their minds and their scents – but they hadn't bothered with the lights because they didn't need them. But Bella did. So I began turning on lights as I went.

The house was back to the way it had been when we had left. It hadn't taken Alice and Esme long to get it in order. I knew that Alice had warned them we were coming, and I let them know – officially – that we had arrived. "Carlisle? Esme? Rosalie? Emmett? Jasper? Alice?"

Carlisle appeared immediately and smiled in greeting. "Welcome back, Bella. What can we do for you this morning? I imagine, due to the hour, that this is not a purely social visit?"

Alice hadn't told them the full reason for our coming, although she had told them all about our visit to Volterra and the promise she had made to change Bella herself, even before Aro had insisted on it. It was in the forefront of Carlisle's mind as he spoke, and I didn't like the way he was viewing it. I began to scowl.

Bella didn't notice. "I'd like to talk to everyone at once, if that's okay," she told Carlisle. "About something important."

Bella glanced up at me nervously and I tried to make my face more neutral. Although I didn't agree with what she was doing, I didn't want her to feel distressed by my anger.

"Of course," Carlisle replied, glancing at me too. "Why don't we talk in the other room?"  
Everyone else, having heard the conversation, were behind us, and they followed us into the room. None of them, except Alice, knew what Bella was going to say, although they had guessed it was something to do with the promise Aro had forced on us, and I was dismayed to discover that most of them were in favor of it.

_If this is about Bella becoming a vampire, it's about time you gave in, Edward,_ Emmett thought.

_It would be nice not to want to kill her all the time._ Jasper's thoughts weren't aimed at me directly, but I could sense apology in them, especially as he felt my emotions.

Rosalie, as expected, was not in favor of it, and Esme was still thinking about nothing more than how happy she was to see Bella and I together again. But I didn't think it would take much for her to swing in the wrong direction.

Alice was choosing not to look in the future at the moment, and if she had glanced at it before we'd arrived she was shielding the memory now. But her every look was smug.

I tried to keep my temper. I didn't want to keep upsetting Bella with it. I took her hand, but I couldn't keep my face neutral anymore, not with the others' thoughts assaulting me.

Bella looked at me, drew a deep breath and began speaking in spite of my darkening expression. "Well, I'm hoping Alice has already told you everything that happened in Volterra?"

"Everything," Alice said meaningfully. _Every last detail, Edward. Deal with it._

I tried not to glare at her.

"And on the way?" Bella questioned with raised eyebrows.

"That, too," she confirmed with a nod.

Bella sighed with relief. "Good. Then we're all on the same page.

"So I have a problem. Alice promised the Volturi that I would become one of you. They're going to send someone to check, and I'm sure that's a bad thing – something to avoid.

"And so, now, this involves you all. I'm sorry about that." She looked around at all of them with affection as she spoke, her eyes turning to me at the last, giving me a pleading look. "But, if you don't want me, then I'm not going to force myself on you, whether Alice is willing or not."

Esme was about to say how much she loved Bella, but Bella stopped her.

"Please, let me finish. You all know what I want. And I'm sure you know what Edward thinks, too. I think the only fair way to decide is for everyone to have a vote. If you decide you don't want me, then … I guess I'll go back to Italy alone. I can't have _them_ coming _here_."

I began to growl immediately. There was no way, as long as I could draw breath, that Bella would ever set foot in Italy again.

I stifled my noise as Bella continued speaking without looking at me. "Taking into account, then, that I won't put any of you in danger either way, I want you to vote yes or no on the issue of me becoming a vampire."

She turned to Carlisle to take his vote, but I spoke before she could. I was determined to sway them in my favor. "Just a minute."

Bella narrowed her eyes, but I squeezed her hand. After all, she herself had said I should be here to air my opinion. "I have something to add before we vote."

Bella sighed, but made no objection.

"About the danger Bella's referring to," I said, trying not to speak so quickly that Bella couldn't understand. "I don't think we need to be overly anxious."

_He doesn't think we need to be worried about the Volturi?_ thought Jasper.

_Oh, please!_ Alice thought. I ignored her.

Emmett was happy. _I knew he'd have a plan. _ I wondered if it would get him on board one hundred percent.

_Well, I'll listen,_ thought Carlisle, but he was also thinking of what it would be like if the Volturi came looking for Bella. It wasn't a pleasant picture.

So was Esme. Not only that, she was also thinking about how she felt when she had heard I was going to Volterra to end my life. That was no more pleasant than Carlisle's thoughts, so I tried to ignore them, too.

I knew my plan could work. I just had to convince them that it was the best idea.

"You see," I told them eagerly, "there was more than one reason why I didn't want to shake Aro's hand there at the end. There's something they didn't think of, and I didn't want to clue them in."

"Which was?" Alice put in. _This should be good._

I ignored her sarcasm and pressed on. "The Volturi are overconfident, and with good reason. When they decide to find someone, it's not really a problem." I looked at Bella. "You remember Demetri?"

Her face went pale and she shuddered. I stifled a grimace. I shouldn't have put it quite that way. Like she could forget.

"He finds people," I continued. "That's his talent, why they keep him.

"Now, the whole time we were with any of them, I was picking their brains for anything that might save us, getting as much information as possible. So I saw how Demetri's talent works. He's a tracker – a tracker a thousand times more gifted than James was. His ability is loosely related to what I do, or what Aro does. He catches the … flavor? I don't know how to describe it … the tenor … of someone's mind, and then he follows that. It works over immense distances.

"But after Aro's little experiments." I tried not to grit my teeth at the thought of them. "Well …"

Bella had given me her full attention, but her expression was not pleased. "You think he won't be able to find me."

I smiled. "I'm sure of it. He relies totally on that other sense. When it doesn't work with you, they'll all be blind."

Bella blinked a couple of times, as if trying to work out why I thought my plan was so brilliant. "And how does that solve anything?"

"Quite obviously, Alice will be able to tell when they're planning a visit, and I'll hide you. They'll be helpless." I grinned at everyone. "It will be like looking for a piece of straw in a haystack!"

_That sounds like fun, making them dance around like that!_ Emmett thought.

But he was the only one that was completely enthusiastic. For the others had all seen a hole in my plan. It wasn't one I was concerned about, but I didn't want to give Bella anymore ammunition, so I was hoping they wouldn't mention it.

It didn't matter. Bella had worked it out herself. "But they can find you," she pointed out.

"And I can take care of myself," I assured her.

"Excellent plan, my brother," Emmett told me. _There's bound to be fun in that!_ I leaned over and smacked his fist, the two of us grinning in exultation.

But there was still disagreement from most of the others. Even Rosalie. For her, it wasn't about Bella so much as Emmett.

"No," she hissed. _What, do you think I'm going to let you get Emmett killed because you think you're so clever?_

It seemed her contrite attitude after what she'd done had evaporated quickly.

Bella was, not surprisingly, the next to voice her objection. "Absolutely not."

Much to my delight, Jasper was viewing it as a possibility. "Nice," he said. He still wasn't sure it was worth the risk, but the strategist in him wanted to try it to see if it would work.

Alice did not support him. "Idiots," she spat. She also made it clear through her visions that it was not going to happen. There was still only one future for Bella. The one I didn't want.

Esme was thinking, not of me in Volterra anymore, but me burning in a pyre right in front of our house. _Why does he keep doing this to me?_ she thought.

Carlisle's thoughts were on Aro. He was remembering him and his cold blooded determination when it came to anyone who stood against him. Although he said nothing, his thoughts were negative. _It won't work, Edward. You can't hide forever, and what do you think it's going to do to Bella if you're killed, especially for her sake? _

I paid no attention, trying to think of something else that could convince him.

Bella spoke up before I had an answer, her nose in the air. "All right, then. Edward has offered you an alternative to consider." Her voice suggested it wasn't worth much consideration. "Let's vote."

To my surprise, she turned to me first, her eyes daring me to object. "Do you want me to join your family?"

I wasn't about to give her a definitive no, not after I had just convinced her how much I loved her, so I qualified it. "Not that way. You're staying human."

She nodded and moved on to Alice, as if it was of no concern. "Alice?"

"Yes," my sister answered promptly.

"Jasper?"

"Yes," Jasper answered after a moment's hesitation. I scowled. He hadn't been sure which way he would go until asked directly. I could see a number of things had prompted this decision, with fear of the Volturi being overruled by his wife's love of Bella and his desperate need to make sure he didn't try to take her life again.

Bella didn't pause. "Rosalie?"

To my relief, Rosalie hesitated only a moment before answering, "No."

Bella didn't seem surprised, although perhaps a little disappointed, and, seeing this on her face, Rosalie spoke up before she could move on. "Let me explain. I don't mean I have any aversion to you as a sister. It's just that … this is not the life I would have chosen for myself. I wish there had been someone there to vote no for me."

Bella nodded before turning to Emmett.

"Hell, yes!" he said, without even waiting for her to speak. "We can find some other way to pick a fight with this Demetri." _I'm sure Edward will think of something,_ he chuckled to himself.

I scowled at my brother. There was only one reason I wanted to fight with the Volturi.

Bella turned to my mother.

"Yes, of course, Bella. I already think of you as part of my family," she replied.

"Thank you, Esme," Bella said, before turning to Carlisle.

Esme's eyes darted in my direction as Bella looked away. She was apologetic, but resolved. _If her loss is going to drive you to such lengths, there's no way I'm going to risk it._

I tried to keep my temper in check, especially as Bella had now come to the most important member of the family: Carlisle – the only other one who could possibly turn Bella himself.

I knew Carlisle had often thought that changing Bella might be the right thing to do. Although he didn't want to end her human life so abruptly, especially knowing that it would probably be the end of her relationship with her parents, he knew how attached I was, and worried, even then, what I might do if I lost her. He had no fear for her soul, as I did. He thought we could reach the afterlife in spite of the fact that we were vampires. However, he had been reluctant to do anything, as he knew this was something I had to work out with Bella myself.

But, in the face of my behavior when I thought I had lost her, and the realization that my reaction was exactly what he'd feared it would be, he had changed his mind. Carlisle didn't look at Bella. He was looking over her head at me. I could see what was in his mind. It was me, going to Aro again – perhaps not for twenty, fifty, seventy years, but going, nonetheless – and ending my life. He winced in pain. He could not bear it. He thought of how heartbroken Esme had been when they thought they couldn't save me; how bereft my whole family had been without me. He made his decision.

"Edward," was all he said aloud. _I can't do it,_ he added in his mind. _I can't risk you killing yourself again. It would destroy our family. It almost did._

I felt my fury spill over. "No," I growled. I dropped Bella's hand and pushed myself up from the table, marching out of the room.

Incensed, I went into the lounge room. I could still hear the words and thoughts bouncing around in the dining room, and heard Carlisle confirm his opinion for Bella.

The rest of the votes were irrelevant, but Carlisle could act. He could change Bella regardless of what I thought.

My anger was growing without end, and I knew I had to take it out on something. In the corner of the room I could see our new sixty inch flat screen that we'd had flown in from Korea. It was bright, it was new, and it was reflecting my image back to me: the image of the monster.

It was like it was mocking me. I picked it up and ripped it in two, watching as the pieces rained down on the floor.

Disturbed thoughts drifted in from the dining room.

_What was that?_

_Oh, please! Why does he always overreact like that?_

_Emmett's not going to be happy. _Alice could see that in her head. Emmett had ordered the new flat screen himself. He would not appreciate its loss. It wasn't available in this country. No matter. He should have thought of that before he'd voted.

But their attention was drawn back to Bella, who thanked them all for supporting her. Esme rushed to hug her. They all looked so happy with her decision, except for Rosalie. She was the only one who had any disapproval over Bella's choice.

After all this, it was ironic that Rosalie was the only one who agreed with me.

But then Bella spoke again, and her words hit me like a jolt of electricity.

"Well, Alice, where do you want to do this?"

Fortunately, Alice's eyes opened wide with fear, terrified of what she might do if she tried to change Bella herself. And those words were more than I could stand. I charged back into the room, straight up to Bella.

"No! _No!_ NO!" I roared at her, barely pausing when she flinched and put her hands over her ears. Couldn't she see how foolhardy this was? "Are you insane? Have you utterly lost your mind?"

Fortunately, Alice was on my side in this, at least. "Um, Bella," she said nervously, "I don't think I'm _ready_ for that. I'll need to prepare …"

"You promised," Bella frowned, while I tried to keep her turned away from Alice.

"I know, but … seriously, Bella! I don't have any idea how to _not_ kill you."

At least Alice realized that truth, regardless of Bella's faith, which was instantly expressed.

"You can do it," she said. "I trust you."

I snarled directly at Alice, making it clear what I thought of Alice's chances of succeeding if she tried.

Alice's eyes darted to mine for a split second. _Don't worry, I agree with you now!_ she thought, before shaking her head at Bella.

Bella was unperturbed. She turned straight to my father. "Carlisle?"

I took her face in my hand and forced her to look at me instead of Carlisle. There was no way he was agreeing with this.

But Carlisle, having made his decision, was not going to back down. "I'm able to do it. You would be in no danger of me losing control."

"Sounds good," Bella mumbled, even though my hand was firm on her jaw.

"Hold on," I said, desperate to delay this somehow. "It doesn't have to be now."

"There is no reason for it not to be now." Bella was still just as stubborn, even though I was doing my best to stop the words getting out of her mouth.

"I can think of a few."

"Of course you can," she retorted, her eyes sparking. "Now let go of me."

I released her then, worried that my temper might make me hurt her. The last thing she needed was a trip to the hospital just after she had gotten home. Charlie would …

And there it was. My trump card. Her father. That had always been the thing that had made Bella hesitate whenever the subject was raised. Her family. The parents she would leave behind. Could she really agree to this when she had only just returned home from a mysterious three day disappearance, leaving her father so worried? She would not.

And what would he do if, the very morning after she'd returned, she went missing again? I would be his number one suspect, no doubt. It would arouse too much suspicion, I thought with glee, especially considering Charlie's profession.

I folded my arms, sure that, in this case, my logic would be unassailable. Even Bella knew how important secrecy was for us.

"In about two hours, Charlie will be here looking for you. I wouldn't put it past him to involve the police."

Bella frowned. "All three of them." But she didn't argue further, and I could see my reminder of her father had affected her, if only to give her pause for thought.

Now I had an advantage, I followed through quickly. "In the interest of remaining _inconspicuous_," I said through my teeth, throwing a meaningful glance at Carlisle, "I suggest that we put this conversation off, at the very least until Bella finishes high school, and moves out of Charlie's house."

Carlisle pondered that, nodding. _That is a good point. _ "That's a reasonable request, Bella," he said. The others agreed with it, too, although I could see Alice double checking her visions. Bella still only had one future ahead of her – an existence as a vampire.

Bella frowned. "I'll consider it."

I let myself relax. I had achieved all I could. Hopefully, she would consider it for some time, and this delay would be enough, regardless of what Alice was seeing just now.

"I should probably take you home," I said, anxious to get Bella out of there before someone could find a hole in my plan. "Just in case Charlie wakes up early."

But Bella turned to Carlisle first. "After graduation?"

He nodded. "You have my word."

Bella sighed, smiled, and turned her face up to mine. "Okay. You can take me home."

I grabbed her and raced out of the house before anything else could happen. No one had thought of an objection to my plan yet, but the last thing I wanted them to do was put doubts in Bella's mind, at least not until I could think of counter-arguments.

We ran home in silence, Bella radiating smugness at what she perceived was a triumph. How she could still be so foolish I didn't know.

I wracked my brains for anything I could do that would delay her from making Carlisle come good on his promise. What could possibly make her change her mind and wait a little longer? I was sure that the few remaining months before the end of school would not be long enough, but what would be? A year? Two? Five? Was there anything I could do or say that would make her wait?

I thought about that for a moment. While I was rarely right about exactly what Bella thought on anything, one thing I was pretty sure on: it would mean a lot to her if Carlisle was not the one to change her. I had always detected hurt on her face at my refusal to do it in the past, and, although I had always thought it was because she was angry she couldn't get what she wanted the most, now I wondered if she thought it was a sign I was rejecting her. So what would she do if I told her I would do it myself? And was that a promise I could make?

I didn't want to do it now anymore than I had seven months ago when I had left her, but I didn't want to lie to her anymore. If I promised to do it, would I be able to follow through if she did still want it after the wait was over? I would have to hope that I never had to answer that question. But that wasn't good enough. I resolved, with a sigh, that I would do it – after all, Carlisle would do it anyway if I didn't – but would hope that she would think twice after waiting, say, five years or so.

But then I happened on another thought. What if I offered her another condition? What if I showed her the true measure of my love? Even though she'd had an epiphany, I couldn't help but worry that its effect would wear off, and then what if she went back to thinking I didn't really care for her?

But there was something I could do to counter that. She wanted to be with me forever. I wanted that, too, just not as a vampire. I wished I could become human for her, but that was impossible. So what was the one thing I could offer her that would make her realize how much I loved her?

There was only one thing: marriage. I would beg to receive her hand in marriage. That would, surely, show her how great my love was. Even though marriage was not as esteemed these days as it had been when I was human, I knew that many girls still dreamt of the day they would dress in white and walk down an aisle towards the man they loved. Did Bella dream of these things? I didn't know, but I thought the odds were good. And weddings took a while to prepare. That could delay things nicely. I could be a few years after an engagement before a wedding occurred.

I imagined how Bella would look when I asked her. Would she be happy? Would her eyes widen, and the rush of pink fill her cheeks? Would her heart rate quicken and her breathing become shallow as she realized what I was offering her? It would be the ultimate trump card, I thought.

But I didn't have a ring.

Well, I did have one. I had my mother's ring. But I wasn't sure if it would fit Bella, or even if she would like a ring that was old-fashioned, as I knew it was. Damn. I hadn't thought of getting a ring for her. After all, I had thought, for the last seven months, that I wouldn't need it.

Could I propose without a ring? I felt that wouldn't be wise. So I resolved only to pull out my trump card if nothing else worked, at least, until I could check the ring to see if it needed to be resized. Then I would fall on my knees before her and propose marriage to the woman I loved.

Once we arrived at her house I sat her on the bed and paced as I sorted out exactly how I would approach this. Her face darkened as she watched me march backwards and forwards across her room. "Whatever you're planning," she cautioned me, "it won't work."

"Shh. I'm thinking."

I had everything in order quickly. I would offer to change her myself only if she delayed it for a few years. If that didn't work, I would offer to change her myself if she married me, but I really hoped I didn't have to use that one just yet. I wanted to wait until the time was right.

Bella rolled her eyes and groaned, throwing herself back on the bed and pulling the quilt over her head.

That distracted me. I lowered myself onto the bed quickly and removed the quilt so I could see her face. I brushed her hair away from it, drinking in the sight of her beauty. "If you don't mind, I'd much rather you didn't hide your face. I've lived without it for as long as I can stand. Now … tell me something."

"What?" she asked, her voice wary.

"If you could have anything in the world, anything at all, what would it be?"

Her answer was prompt, and although it wasn't quite as specific as I wanted it to be, it delighted me. "You."

I shook my head. "Something you don't already have."

I could see her thinking that over carefully. After a few minutes, she answered, and I was pleased to discover that I had guessed correctly. "I would want … Carlisle not to have to do it. I would want _you_ to change me."

"What would you be willing to trade for that?"

Her reaction was more than I had hoped for. Her eyes widened and she answered quickly. "Anything."

I wasn't sure she would be quite so willing when she heard my condition, but I proceeded anyway. "Five years?"

Her eyes became horrified and accusing.

"You said anything," I reminded her.

"Yes, but … you'll use the time to find a way out of it."

Ah, how well she knew me.

"I have to strike while the iron is hot," she went on. "Besides, it's just too dangerous to be human – for me, at least. So, anything but _that_."

She did have a point about the danger, but I wouldn't let it sway me. "Three years?"

"No!"

I sighed internally. "Isn't it worth anything to you at all?"

She thought about that for a moment, before answering, "Six months?"

I rolled my eyes. That wasn't much longer than we already had. "Not good enough."

"One year, then," she said. "That's my limit."

"At least give me two," I begged.

"No way," she declared. "Nineteen I'll do. But I'm not going anywhere _near_ twenty. If you're staying in your teens forever, then so am I."

One year wasn't enough for me. I needed more to try and ensure that it was enough time for her to change her mind. It looked like I would have to play my trump card. Hopefully, she would want the wedding to be so perfect that the arrangements would take a while. "All right. Forget time limits. If you want me to be the one – then you'll just have to meet one condition."

"Condition?" she asked suspiciously. "What condition?"

I kept my face neutral, not wanting to give the game away. "Marry me first."

I waited for the reaction I was hoping for: the widening of her eyes, the quickening of her heartbeat, the blush on her cheeks. But she merely looked at me confusion. "Okay. What's the punchline?"

There was no denying that hurt. Did she really think I'd joke about this? "You're wounding my ego, Bella. I just proposed to you, and you think it's a joke."

Her eyebrows pulled together as she gazed back at me. "Edward, please be serious."

She _still_ thought I was joking! "I am one hundred percent serious."

She began to look scared. "Oh, c'mon, I'm only eighteen."

Officially, I was seventeen, so what was she complaining about? Her fear really hurt me, but I tried to laugh it off. "Well, I'm nearly a hundred and ten. It's time I settled down."

She glanced away from me for a moment and swallowed. Her heart was accelerating now, but it was clear it was not because of joy or excitement. "Look, marriage isn't exactly that high on my list of priorities, you know? It was sort of the kiss of death for Renee and Charlie."

She clearly didn't see the irony in that. "An interesting choice of words."

"You know what I mean."

I couldn't believe she was so upset about this. Was she really worried about us getting married because it could lead to divorce? If so, why wasn't she worried about what might happen to our relationship if she became a vampire? "Please don't tell me that you're afraid of the commitment."

"That's not it exactly," she said, looking away. "I'm … afraid of Renee. She has some really intense opinions on getting married before your thirty."

And what did she think her mother would say if she found out her daughter wanted to become a vampire? _By the way, Mom, I'll never be able to see you again, because I might kill you and drink your blood if I did. And it's likely, if I ever do die, that if I go anywhere, I'll end up in hell._ "Because she'd rather you became one of the eternally damned than get married." I couldn't help but chuckle, even though it was not funny. It was ridiculous.

"You thing you're joking," she told me.

She couldn't be serious. "Bella, if you compare the level of commitment between a marital union as opposed to bartering your soul in exchange for eternity as a vampire … If you're not brave enough to marry me, then –"

In spite of my disappointment, I started to see a positive side in her reluctance. If anything was going to delay her becoming a vampire, it seemed this was it, just not in the way I had thought. But whatever worked. If she was desperate enough for me to change her it just might be enough.

But it seemed she thought I was bluffing. "Well, what if I did?" she said suddenly. "What if I told you to take me to Vegas now? Would I be a vampire in three days?"

I smiled, although the idea of Vegas had never entered my head. I was now positive that _she_ was the one bluffing. "Sure. I'll get my car."

Before I could move, she tried a counter-condition. "Dammit, I'll give you eighteen months."

"No deal. I like _this_ condition."

"Fine" she said, folding her arms and glaring at me obstinately. "I'll have Carlisle do it when I graduate."

"If that's what you really want," I replied with a smile, for now I was sure it wasn't what she wanted at all.

"You're impossible," she told me, pouting. "A monster."

That tag hurt a little, but I managed to chuckle. "Is that why you won't marry me?"

That was something I really wanted to know, and was at a loss to answer. Why didn't she want to marry me? The tag _monster_ burned in my mind. Did it say more than she would let on?

But she wouldn't reply with more than a frustrated groan.

I became desperate to find out. Why didn't she want me? Was there something she was hiding? Was it …

Was it Jacob Black?

No. I didn't think we'd be having this conversation at all if it was. Maybe if I gave persuasion another try.

Considering how much I didn't want her to become a vampire it showed how desperate I was for some reassurance from her. "_Please_, Bella?" I said, looking deep into her eyes.

Much as it had before I had left, it seemed I dazzled her. Her eyes widened, her heart stuttered and her face went blank. Then she frowned and shook her head, as if trying to clear it.

I felt like sighing. Maybe I should have waited. "Would this have gone better if I'd had time to get a ring?" I asked hopefully.

That was the wrong thing to say. "No! No rings!" she declared at the top of her voice.

"What?" That was Charlie's voice. She hadn't heard it, but the look on her face made it clear she realized what she'd done.

"Now you've done it," I scolded her.

"Oops."

My time with her was abruptly over, it seemed. "Charlie's getting up," I explained reluctantly. "I'd better leave."

The look on her face became so crestfallen that it warmed my heart. I looked back at her; I didn't want to leave anymore than she wanted me to go. "Would it be childish of me to hide in your closet, then?"

"No," she whispered, desire clear on her face. "Stay. Please."

I smiled and darted quietly into her closet before Charlie had a chance to reach the door.

He approached it tentatively. His thoughts seemed doubtful, like he wasn't sure she was really going to be in her room at all. I looked through his eyes, even though I could only see very dimly, and I could see him peek through a crack in the door.

"Morning, Dad," Bella said.

I could sense Charlie's embarrassment. At the very least, he had expected her to be sleeping. "Oh, hey, Bella. I didn't know you were awake."

"Yeah. I've been waiting for you to wake up so I could take a shower," she told him, beginning to gather her things together.

"Hold on," Charlie said, turning the light on so he could see her properly. Bella squinted as the light hit the room, and her eyes darted in my direction and then away. "Let's talk for a minute first."

I held my breath as I remembered that we hadn't thought of an excuse for Bella's absence. I wondered how Bella would deal with that, not to mention what restrictions Charlie would place on her seeing me, assuming she was allowed to see me at all.

I could see Bella dimly through Charlie's mind, and she looked reluctant, but steeled herself, ready for what her father would say.

"You know you're in trouble," he began.

"Yeah, I know."

Charlie went on as though she hadn't spoken. "I just about went crazy these last three days. I come home from Harry's _funeral_, and you're gone. Jacob would only tell me that you'd run off with Alice Cullen, and that he thought you were in trouble. You didn't leave me a number, and you didn't call. I didn't know where you were or when – or if – you were coming back. Do you have any idea how … how ..." Charlie's emotions overcome him for a moment, and I could get a dim view of what looked like Bella's funeral in his mind. I winced.

"Can you give me one reason why I should ship you off to Jacksonville this second?"

Bella's eyes narrowed. Then she sat up, looking unconcerned. "Because I won't go."

I could hear from both Charlie's mind and his voice that he was heating up. "Now just one minute, young lady –"

She didn't let him finish. "Look, Dad, I accept complete responsibility for my actions, and you have the right to ground me for as long as you want. I will also do all the chores and laundry and dishes until you think I've learned my lesson. And I guess you're within your rights if you want to kick me out, too – but that won't make me go to Florida."

I could tell Charlie was making an effort to control himself. His mind became even harder to read as his anger escalated, and Bella's image narrowed to almost nothing. Then he took a few deep breaths and regained control of himself – marginally. "Would you like to explain where you've been?"

Bella grimaced. "There was … an emergency."

Uh oh. Bella had never been a brilliant liar. I hoped whatever she had thought of would be convincing enough.

Charlie waited impatiently for her to continue.

With a deep breath, Bella began. "I don't know what to tell you, Dad. It was mostly a misunderstanding. He said, she said. It got out of hand."

That wasn't enough for Charlie. He waited for more.

Bella continued reluctantly. "See, Alice told Rosalie about me jumping off the cliff …"

Bella again disappeared from what I could see in Charlie's mind as he took in what she was saying. I gathered he hadn't known about the cliff jump. That wasn't going to make things any better.

"I guess I didn't tell you about that," I heard Bella say. "It was nothing," she added quickly. "Just messing around, swimming with Jake. Anyway, Rosalie told Edward, and he was upset. She sort of accidentally made it sound like I was trying to kill myself or something. He wouldn't answer his phone, so Alice dragged me to … L.A., to explain it in person."

Charlie seemed to be too busy digesting news about the cliff jump to notice the unconvincing nature of some of Bella's explanation. He latched on to the suggestion of suicide immediately. "_Were_ you trying to kill yourself, Bella?"

"No, of course not," she answered immediately, and her sincerity seemed to ease Charlie's mind. "Just having fun with Jake. Cliff diving. The La Push kids do it all the time. Like I said, nothing."

But Charlie was moving on to other thoughts. Me.

"What's it to Edward Cullen anyway?" he said in an agitated voice. "All this time, he's just left you dangling without a word –"

"Another misunderstanding," Bella put in.

Anger clouded his mind once more. "So is he back then?"

"I'm not sure what the exact plan is," Bella said, and my heart plummeted for a moment, as I thought she still didn't believe I was staying. But my agony eased a moment later when she added, "I _think_ they all are."

That did not make Charlie happy. Again, Bella's image became unrecognizable in his mind. "I want you to stay away from him, Bella. I don't trust him. He's rotten for you. I won't let him mess you up like that again."

I couldn't see Bella, but I could hear the sharpness in her reply. "Fine."

Charlie missed her tone. "Oh, I thought you were going to be difficult."

"I am," she continued. "I meant, 'Fine, I'll move out.'"

Charlie was gasping for breath now, his fury choking him. It was then that Bella calmed her voice.

"Dad, I don't _want_ to move out," she said. "I love you. I know you're worried, but you need to trust me on this. And you're going to have to ease up on Edward if you want me to stay. Do you want me to live here or not?"

"That's not fair, Bella. You know I want you to stay."

"Then be nice to Edward," she insisted, "because he's going to be where I am." The confidence I could hear in her voice made my heart lighter, as much as I wished she didn't have to fight with Charlie over me.

"Not under my roof," Charlie declared.

I heard Bella sigh. "Look, I'm not going to give you any more ultimatums tonight – or I guess it's this morning. Just think about it for a few days, okay? But keep in mind that Edward and I are sort of a package deal."

"Bella –"

"Think it over," she told him. "And while you're doing that, could you give me some privacy? I _really_ need a shower."

Charlie didn't seem much calmer, but he did leave the room, slamming the door behind him and stomping down the stairs. The only image I could get from his mind was a blurry image of him kicking me out of the house.

I was out of the closet and in the old rocking chair before Bella was off the bed. She gave me an apologetic look. "Sorry about that."

"It's not as if I don't deserve far worse," I assured her. "Don't start anything with Charlie over me, please." I knew I deserved everything he gave me.

"Don't worry about it," she replied. "I will start exactly as much as is necessary, and no more than that. Or are you trying to tell me I have nowhere to go?" She widened her eyes in mock fear.

I looked at her with half a smile. "You'd move in with a house full of vampires?" Of course she would.

"That's probably the safest place for someone like me. Besides …" she added, grinning at me. "If Charlie kicks me out, then there's no need for a graduation deadline, is there?"

I tried not to roll my eyes. "So eager for eternal damnation."

But her answer blindsided me. "You know you don't really believe that."

"Oh, don't I?" I replied, trying to hold my temper in check. I believed nothing more strongly.

"No. You don't," she asserted.

I opened my mouth to contradict her, but she spoke first. "If you really believed that you'd lost your soul, then when I found you in Volterra, you would have realized immediately what was happening, instead of thinking we were both dead together. But you didn't – you said, '_Amazing, Carlisle was right_'. There's hope in you, after all."

I gaped at her for a moment, thinking about what she had said. No, that wasn't right. I had no hope, no thought of eternity beyond whatever life I had here …

But what had I thought when I was in Volterra? Why had I stopped myself killing that man? Why had I been so determined to hurt no one when I revealed my inhuman nature to the humans? Why had I even bothered to imagine Bella in my arms when I thought I was about to die? I tried to deny it, but she was right – in those moments hope had refused to allow me to think the worst. I had thought – however slim the chance might be – that I might join Bella. Hope had prevented me from taking any chances if it meant I could be with her again.

I could see the triumph on her face as she realized I saw the truth in her words. She gave me a steady look. "So let's both just be hopeful, all right?" she said, a hint of scolding in her tone. "Not that it matters. If you stay, I don't need heaven."

I was staggered. Staggered that she had taken my own actions and revealed the faith in them, faith in her own beliefs. And not just hers, but Carlisle's as well. Could it be true? Could I have my Bella forever now, and in a possible afterlife as well? Could I change her and still preserve her soul? Would I have her always, no matter what our destiny was?

Did I dare allow myself to hope?

Looking into her confident eyes, I felt it was possible. I rose and went to her, taking her face in my hands and looking deep into her chocolate brown eyes. "Forever," I vowed.

"That's all I'm asking for," she said with a smile, and she stood on tiptoe so she could press her lips to mine.


End file.
